Father and Son Bonding When Your Son Has Autism

This is a post in the weekly Autism Hopes series by Lisa Quinones-Fontanez, a mom who blogs  over at Atypical Familia.

When Norrin was first diagnosed with autism, my husband, Joseph, had a difficult time. Like many fathers of sons, Joseph imagined little league, football games or teaching him how to drive. Neither of us imagined, therapists, disability or special education. Those first few weeks/months/years we wondered if Norrin would ever speak or grow up to be independent. And I know Joseph worried about what kind of relationship they would have. If they would ever have that father-son bond.

Norrin started baseball again this year. This time, he’s on a team and is required to play each week. Last week was Norrin’s second game and Joseph was Norrin’s “buddy.” Norrin hit his first single! Seeing the look of pride on Joseph’s face, reminded me of how their relationship has evolved over the years and how Joseph has learned to bond with Norrin.

4 Ways My Husband Bonds With Our Autistic Son

Comic Books & Cartoons. Joseph is a major comic book fan. So much so that we named Norrin after a comic book character! While I spend my bedtimes reading Norrin my childhood favorites, Joseph reads books featuring his favorite comic book heroes. Joseph gets into character by changing his voice and Norrin loves listening! They also spend time watching cartoons like Super Hero Squad and Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Norrin doesn’t quite understand the complex story lines but he likes the action and he now recognizes all the major characters.

Music. When Norrin was a baby, Joseph would rock Norrin to sleep listening to calming music like James Taylor and Bob Denver. Joseph is always introducing new music to Norrin. Some music Norrin likes – for the longest time, Norrin would only listen to “Get off of my cloud” by The Rolling Stones. And some he doesn’t – when he doesn’t, Norrin sticks his fingers in his ears and says, “Too loud, Dad. Lower the volume.” Like everything else, finding the right music is about trial and error.

Video Games. Joseph’s like a big kid when it comes to playing video games. And his love of video games was something Joseph wanted to enjoy with Norrin. Video games have helped Norrin in so many ways but mostly it’s been a critical piece of their bonding time.

Sports. There was a time when Norrin didn’t have the strength to throw or catch a ball. It took years of occupational therapy for him to learn. Norrin still struggles with his movements for many things, and he gets easily frustrated. But Joseph gets him to keep trying.

At first Norrin wasn’t interested in playing baseball. But Joseph broke the basics of baseball down. He began teaching Norrin how to catch the ball in his glove. Then how to throw the ball. Norrin loves playing catch and often asks to go outside and play. No matter how tired Joseph is, when Norrin asks – they’ll go outside and throw the ball around.

When I see Joseph and Norrin together I feel really lucky. Bonding with Norrin hasn’t always come easily but Joseph works really hard at finding ways to connect with Norrin. And seeing them interact together, watching their bond grow is a beautiful thing.

Catch up with last weeks post: A Tough Love Moment in Autism Parenting 

 

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