Celebrities Who Apologize For Using The Word Retard: Does It Do Any Good?
Last night, I Googled “Joe Flacco” to see what news would crop up. The quarterback’s contract is expiring, and there was much musing about whether it would get renewed. Already, the incident earlier in the week in which he’d described a cold-weather climate Superbowl as “retarded” was at the bottom of the list of headlines on my screen.
And so it goes: Another person in the public eye slips up and uses the word “retard,” outrage ensues, an apology is made. Flacco joins the ranks of celebs and notables who’ve done the same—Lady Gaga, LeBron James, Margaret Cho, Rahm Emanuel, John Lackey of the Red Sox, Pennsylvania GOP leader Jim Roddey. Unlike them, however, Flacco immediately caught himself, saying “I guess I shouldn’t have said that. I think it’s stupid.”
In recent years, with the launch of the Spread The Word To End The Word campaign and with more advocates and parents speaking out, there’s been growing awareness of how derogatory the word “retard” is toward those who have intellectual disability. People (or at the very least, their publicists) are getting that it’s a wrong word to use. Every apology from a celeb further reinforces that: Oh, look, a star quarterback is saying sorry. Oh, wow, Lady Gaga is. Note to self: Must be a bad word.
In that way, celebs and their headline-making mea culpas are doing a public service for kids like my son, Max. Thing is, this is not just about a word. Sure, on the surface it is: “retard” is an epithet, a slur, an insult. Use another word. But it’s the underlying message that’s key: What matters most here is respect. It’s about treating people with intellectual disability with equality. It’s about not looking at them and seeing differences but embracing what they bring to the world. And a simple “I’m sorry” or “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone” says none of that.
I’d like to hear an apologizing celebrity explain why it’s a regrettable word choice. All Flacco said was, “It was a bad choice of words” and “I didn’t mean to offend anybody but I definitely apologize for that.” Lady Gaga’s apology: “I consider it part of my life’s work to push the boundaries of love and acceptance. My apologies for not speaking thoughtfully. To anyone that was hurt, please know it was furiously unintentional….” All LeBron James had to say was “I want to apologize for using the ‘R’ word after game three. If I offended anyone, I sincerely apologize.”
These polite apologies are the kind your elementary school might have elicited out of you if you’d done another kid wrong. Of course, some of these people must genuinely feel bad (Flacco has done good work with the local Special Olympics). Yet if they really and truly wanted to make amends and help people with intellectual disability, they could have said a little something about people with disability deserving respect, same as any human does.
Because after the dust has settled, that celebrity or notable person will go on with their fame and game. Kids like my son and others will go on living in a world that typically sees them as very different, perhaps even pathetic.
Parents, school programs, and inclusionary sports and other activities can encourage kids to accept those with different abilities and treat them as equals. There’s still not enough of those things. But what would it take for a celebrity in the hot spot to say a few thoughtful words about respect, acceptance and equality? Not much. Heck, it would make them look even better. Sincere or not, written by a publicist or not, people would take note.
Apology accepted, celebs—but also regretted. Because it could have been so much more.
From my other blog:
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Tags: health, R-word, Retard, Spread The Word To End The Word | Categories: Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Children With Special Needs, Disability, Down Syndrome, Must Read, SPD, Special Needs, Special Needs Parenting, To The Max