Why Do PARENTS Of Kids With Special Needs Use The Word “Retarded”?!
“I know moms of special needs children who still use it. Kinda a shame,” read the Facebook comment. A user left it in response to a post I’d written about people who cling to the word “retard”—including, of all entities, The New York Times.
Parents like me have repeatedly spoken out against the word, most recently this mom of a child with intellectual disability and this dad of a boy with Down syndrome. The word “retarded” has become a slur that means “stupid” and “loser.” The term “mental retardation” itself has been banned by Congress from federal laws, and will be replaced in the upcoming Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders with “Intellectual Development Disorder.”
Whether you’re laughing calling someone a “retard” or saying a person has a diagnosis of “mental retardation,” the bottom line is the same: the words are demeaning to people with intellectual disability. They perpetuate the idea that people with ID are stupid. Period.
So why is it that parents of kids with disabilities still insist on using this term?
Some more comments I’ve received on posts about the word from parents of kids with disabilities:
“I don’t have a problem with ‘mental retardation.’ To me, it’s simply a medical term that has been inappropriately appropriated by mean-spirited people.”
“I have a family member with Down syndrome, and we have always used the term ‘mentally retarded’ in the most clinical, descriptive way. I’m very used to it and comfortable with it used as such.”
“My daughter has been diagnosed with moderate mental retardation. I have no qualms about using the words ‘moderate mental retardation’…it’s what she is.”
I get distraught when the word “retarded” is unthinkingly used. But when parents of kids with special needs insist on using it, I am also completely baffled.
Why? I ask. Why?
Just use another word or term that doesn’t offend kids and adults with disabilities, and distress those of us who love them.
As one mom said, “I can’t get over the pain in my heart when I hear the words ‘mentally retarded.’ We could talk all day about how it’s a clinical, technical term but the fact is, it’s become a phrase commonly used to hurt people and it means something else, other than just clinical, to the rest of the world.”
You can take a pledge to end the word here.
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Image of mother and child via Shutterstock