Beyonce, Babies, And Going Back To The NICU

January 13, 2012 at 9:33 am , by Ellen Seidman

A whole lot of people got infuriated this week at reports that security guards at the hospital where Beyoncé gave birth had prevented other new parents from visiting their children. The New York Times interviewed a new mom with twins in the neonatal intensive care unit, who said she was told that if she left she wouldn’t be allowed back in. Said the mom, “It was just really disgusting.”

Every single time I read about the brouhaha, it brought me back to the NICU, where Max stayed for two weeks after he had a stroke at birth. That was nine years ago, but many things are still vivid in my mind.

I can recall exactly how Max looked lying in his incubator, wires coming out of him everywhere, the beeping monitor beside him, his breathing steady as his naked chest rose and fell.

I can recall the moment I was finally allowed to hold him, and a nurse carefully placed him in my arms so the wires wouldn’t get tangled, and finally I could feel my baby’s warm body next to mine and I had to turn my head so my tears wouldn’t fall on him.

I can recall the bruises on his chubby little baby hands from the IV needles.

I can recall the tan leather chair in the pumping room, and the rows of bottles of mothers’ milk in the fridge in all different shades and wondering how those babies were doing.

I can recall the group of doctors who roamed the NICU every morning, doing their exams, and how parents weren’t allowed in till they were done.

I can recall reading that Dr. Seuss book “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!” to Max through a hole in the plastic incubator, my mouth speaking words of hope my heart wasn’t feeling, and how a nurse stopped by and asked me to read a little more quietly.

I wonder about that place. Does it still look the same? Are any of the nurses who cared for Max still around? How would it feel to be there again? Would I break down?

I’ve yet to actually go back. But I do in my mind, when I hear or read something about an NICU.

Do you do the same?

 

From my other blog:

What happened to Max

2 Comments so far

1. by Nicole

   On January 16, 2012 at 9:15 am

   Yep, all the time. You ever forget those first days with your baby, but I think they’re ingrained especially vividly when those days are spent in the NICU.

2. by Heather

   On January 16, 2012 at 6:09 pm

   I’m actually just doing a series on my blog recalling our NICU days through emails that were sent to family. It’s been hugely emotional. So hard to look back but also feeling grateful for the care, both medical and personal, that we received.

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