Posts Tagged ‘ teens ’

2 Keys To Promoting Good Behavior Across the Ages

Thursday, November 21st, 2013

Toddlers, kids, tweens, and teens may pose unique parenting challenges – but there are some principles that apply across all those developmental periods that help promote good, compliant, social behavior. There are 2 constructs that have been shown in research to be key parenting strategies. They are:

1) Limit Setting. Every toddler, tween, and teen needs limit setting. They need to know their boundaries and how to respect them. Some things are off-limits. Some behaviors are not acceptable. Think of providing clear, consistent rules that make sense. A toddler can’t run around and touch every thing they want in a store. A tween can’t talk back to a parent disrespectfully. A teen can’t stay out all night. You can come up with a whole bunch across the ages – but the limits should be clear, to the point, developmentally appropriate, and enforced with consistency. And of course as kids age the limits change – but the principle remains the same. There are limits, they are set, they are adhered to, and there are (appropriate) consequences to not abiding.

2) Monitoring. As toddlers begin to assert their independence, monitoring becomes really important – and remains important through the teen years. Parents of toddlers need to keep an eye on them. Using the example from above, it’s one thing to say a toddler can’t run around a store and touch everything that looks appealing. It’s another thing to actually monitor them to follow through on that. Same principle down the developmental line. It gets hard – we can’t know what our kids are doing every second of the day. But it’s our obligation to be as informed as possible and to be proactive about the need to monitor. As kids get older, an open line of communication is essential as kids spend more and more time outside the home. Mobile technology – which is becoming commonplace – is certainly a tool that can be used in a good way to stay in touch with our kids and  keep the lines of communication open to permit remote monitoring and aid limit setting.

Parenting can be tough. Consistency can be hard to achieve. But keeping in mind basic principles to guide our parenting strategies can help us keep the big picture in mind – and give us a framework that is applicable to nearly every developmental stage.

Find out what your parenting style is with our handy quiz. Then, browse through these no-fail tantrum tamers.

How to Discipline Your Kids
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Is Teen Drug Use Influenced By A Friend’s Parents?

Friday, October 26th, 2012

A recent study of teens suggests that it is. Or put another way, even though you say “No”, it still might be influential that your teen’s friend’s parents don’t. 

A team of researchers reported that teens’ substance use could be predicted from the parenting style of their friends. Teens whose friends’ parents were ‘authoritative’  (meaning they were affectionate yet set limits with their kids) had greatly reduced levels of substance use, as compared to teens whose friends’ parents were ‘neglectful’  (meaning they weren’t affectionate and set few limits with their kids). The effects held after accounting for the parenting style of the kids’ own parents and other possible confounding variables – suggesting some type of direct influence that was quite dramatic. For example, kids who had friends with authoritative parenting styles were:

38% less likely to binge drink

39% less likely to smoke cigarettes

43% less likely to smoke marijuana

Or another way to look at these data is to say the teen’s risk of substance use was much greater when the friend’s parents were ‘neglectful’.

Of course, there are typically some selection effects in these kinds of studies – kids often seek out friends who are similar to them in terms of interest in substance use. But that said, there is something to these findings. I’ve conducted studies in which teens carry around electronic diaries and indicate where they are, who they are with, and what they are doing. Without questions, kids who used substances were most likely to report doing so when they were with a friend, at the friend’s house … and the friend’s parents were not at home.

So, the take-home message is that it’s a good idea to know not only who your kid’s friends are, but also something about what happens when they are over their friend’s house – particularly with respect to the extent that the parents are around, and how they behave when they are there. And the best source of that is … your own kid. That’s why open communication is so important in the teen years.

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