Children of Divorce Can Have Happy Marriages
Last week, The Wall Street Journal‘s blog The Juggle challenged the idea that children of divorce tend to go on to their own unhappy marriage, in a post titled “Happier Marriages for Kids of Divorce?”
First of all, the answer to that question is, in general, no. Studies have shown time and time again that children of divorce are more likely to get divorced themselves. Really, the blog is based on Pew Center stats on stepfamilies, which seem to reveal that kids of divorce may have a better shot at a happy marriage if involved in a stepfamily post-divorce. Which is awesome.
Still, I think the blog title struck me because my parents divorced when I was about 13, and I have a happy marriage. I’ve read plenty of reports insisting that I’ve accomplished this against all odds. Regardless, here I am. Here we are. Past the newlywed stage, in the throes of parenthood, and so far, so good. The phrase in the post that most spoke to me: “… marital breakups have mixed long-term effects, fostering growth in some children and the resolve to build happier marriages of their own.”
I’m living proof of that. Granted, it took me well into my ’30s to find the right guy. And I did have some close calls—”learning experiences”—that would have most certainly cheated the both of us out of a happy future with a better match. In the end, I lucked into something that felt right—like a good, solid foundation on which to build a forever.
Of course, no one goes into a marriage planning on divorce. We’re all taking a leap of faith when we jump into any partnership, and sometimes, things just don’t work out. As a child, I learned this. As an adult, I totally understand it. But I do like the idea that even when the odds are stacked against you, you’re far from doomed.
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