Wednesday, November 21st, 2012
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because unlike Christmas, the food is center stage and isn’t encumbered with gift opening, which takes away from precious time spent eating.
Just when I thought I couldn’t love T-day anymore, I realized that it was made for the pregnants and I fell even harder. As soon as holiday and human marriages are approved, Thanksgiving and I are finding the nearest courthouse. I could write a dissertation on my deep and abiding love for turkey day. I’ll spare you, but I will share why when I’m asked what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving, between the mouthfuls of beautiful carbs I’ll be shoveling into my face, I’ll reply, “being pregnant on Thanksgiving.”
Stretchy pants. Seeing as they are already part of my everyday ensemble, I don’t have to waste time packing a change of post meal sweats (pregnant or not, please tell me you do this too?) since the in-laws graciously host us. Can I get an amen?
The gut. Being pregnant means I have the blessed joy of no longer pretending to suck in the gut post meals. I can unabashedly let it hang out, into my expando pants, testing the limits of their elasticity and if they were worth the $12 bargain I paid for them. A side of science with mealtime? A win-win.
Stuffing my face. Listen, it’s a lot of work turning food into a baby and Thanksgiving really gives me the edge I’ve been needing to reach my face stuffing, I mean baby growing potential.
If all goes according to plan, the anatomy of my T-day will look like this:
Post-gorging catnaps: 3
Blind eyes turned to my daughter’s sugar high shenanigans because I can’t get off the couch: 7
Pieces of pumpkin pie devoured: 3.5
Trips back to the smorgasbord: 5
Pounds of mashed potatoes turned into a baby: 4
Vegetables avoided: 6
Times I’ll think I can’t eat another bite but I will anyway: 23
Gosh, Thanksgiving Eve is so much better than its counterpart Christmas Eve. Is it wrong to get goosebumps at the thought of the glorious spread of food that awaits me tomorrow? If it is, I don’t want to be right. Pregnancy has got my back this Thanksgiving with its absence of buttoned pants and expectations to control myself. I happily intend to eat like nobody’s watching.
To my pregnant friends and the butterballs in your belly, happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, October 31st, 2012
25 weeks/5 months
With today being All Hallow’s Eve, I thought I’d give a nod to my pregnant friends who must work a little extra pumpkin into their costumes than those sans baby belly. There are so many costume options for the pregnant posse. I mean do you go the humorous route, or couples costume it with up with your baby daddy, or pay homage to your kickin’ new curves with all the other sexy nurses out there? It’s the decision of 2012 I tell you. After years of careful
scrutinizing research at Halloween parties, I’d like to offer a few foolproof options when it comes to the ol’ preggers Halloween costume.
First, let’s talk sexy. In my heart of hearts, I believe Halloween belongs to the sexy. For starters, sexy _______(insert any noun, yes even alien works) is the most readily available option for costumes. This is all fine and good if you are sexy. But I have a long standing theory that I believe is attributed to Shakespeare, “Some are born sexy, some achieve sexy, some have sexy thrust upon them, and some just never have sexy going on. EVER.” (See Heidi Klum for further proof of this theory.)
I fall into the latter category. While it is believed “the sexy” can be taught, it is actually elusive to some of us. No matter how hard we try, we’ll always get our shirt stuck on our head mid heated clothes removal, or trip and fall over our own feet while trying to seductively shake what our mamas gave us. If you have never got your shirt caught on your head and you work the sexy even during pregnancy, I say you don your sexy nurse, cop, gnome, polar bear etc., costume with that belly, accentuate your growing decolletage, and own the fact that you are a sexy goddess of pregnancy.
If sexy ain’t yo thing, there’s always the creative costume that everyone wishes they would have thought of themselves. Oh, you creative types. You like the challenge of Halloween and you always accept. If Halloween were everyday, you’d win at life. You’re the Rumpelstiltskin of Halloween and can weave any ol’ straw of a costume idea into gold. You go as pregnant Barbie complete with homemade, kick-a barbie box, Mattel logo and accessories. If you use the ubiquitous “bun in the oven” theme you aren’t just satisfied with donning a chef’s hat and apron. Oh no, you’re sporting a clever and intricately detailed oven that basically looks like pottery barn for kids constructed it and I’d play with it if your pregnant belly wasn’t in my way. If creativity is your game, a pregnant Halloween is your dream come true.
Neither of the above categories describes you? Don’t fret, there’s a few options left.
There’s the “paint your pregnant belly any type of ball or circular object” category. Always a winner.
The growing in popularity “stick some baby limbs on that bump” for some zombie creepiness category.
Also, any reference to a bun in the oven or your “eggo being preggo” is always a welcome category.
Or lastly, you can just be cute because there’s just something so dang adorable about bellies in costumes. You can also coordinate costumes with your toddler to up the ante of cuteness. Whether you simply rock the always abundant maternity stripes as a bank robber, or make that sweet belly into a little jack-o-lantern, you can’t go wrong. The belly is your oyster. Literally and figuratively.
Embracing the pregnant Halloween is a must. It’s not every year you have a protruding belly as a serious source of inspiration, so celebrate my pregnant friends. Even if that means your way of celebrating is to eat most of your toddler’s candy as a justifiable and necessary lesson in sharing with her future sibling (my favorite way to celebrate). And please, do share how you and your bump worked your pregnant Halloween.
Image: Painted pumpkin belly via Lipik/Shutterstock.com