Posts Tagged ‘ holla for hemorrhoids ’

A Pregnancy In Review

Monday, December 31st, 2012

34 weeks/7 months

As the end of 2012 draws nigh, let’s review some of the beautiful, unexpected, and some expected highlights of the pregnancy thus far.

A little year, er, pregnancy in review if you will. While I’ll never be able to do it my media crush, Tom Brokaw worthy, let’s give it a stab. All the reputable media outlets do it. VH1 is reputable right?

Take that and rewind it back…a pregnancy review complete with hashtags I’m still trying to make happen. #ICan’tQuitYou

1st trimester

We discover we’re having a baby! We feel moony and elated. It is our hearts’ fondest desire.

Baby name discussions immediately get tabled because the husband and I are both stubborn oxes with very different opinions who tend to melodramatically ralph at the other party’s suggestions. #TillBabyNamesDoUsPart

We learn we’re having another little lady and I do a cartwheel of joy for the gift of sisters. And matching outfits. My husband sees the dollar signs of two weddings but tempers that worry momentarily with all the girl paraphernalia we’ll get to reuse. #GlassHalfFull

We tell our two-year-old daughter who in her very own toddler way promises to love and cherish the baby because she’s “not going to scare her.” #ShellSmotherHerBecauseSheLovesHer

We tell the beloveds in our lives that we’re expecting another baby who mostly, kind of, sort of, already guessed it. #LuckyGuess

I’m overwhelmingly grateful to become a mom again and for the people who taught me to cherish pregnancy and motherhood.

2nd Trimester

I, scratch that, WE welcome the return of my boobs. #PregnancyPerks

I school the peeps on things to avoid saying to a pregnant lady. #CheckYoSelfBeforeYouWreckYoSelf

I crowd source the question of having a second baby shower and people share strong opinions on the topic. #JurysStillOut

I get where cuddly, lazy, sleep-all-day, eat-all-day pandas are coming from and wish people thought my pregnant lady, panda-like shenanigans were just as cute. #PandasGotItMade

I confess I pee my pants regularly. My husband quits reading the blog. #IJoke

I embrace being the stereotypical hormonal pregnant lady we all know and love. #HotMess

3rd Trimester

I proudly teach my mom the phrase “grower not a shower” and it’s relevance to how different bellies show. #MomQuitsReadingTheBlog

We survive the worry of a health scare with the baby and feel overwhelmingly relieved for the miracle of a healthy baby.

We welcome the glorious holiday season and the clear trump card it is to wear maternity pants to every holiday party. #StretchyPantsForTheWin

Her Royal Highness, Princess Kate reveals she’s with child as well and I’m certain she totally copied me. #TrendSetter

I remember why the third trimester can be a bit tricky as the burgeoning belly makes its presence known and vow to channel Santa’s jolly ability to work a belly. #HollaForHemorrhoids

Currently…

This brings us to today, the cusp of January.  We’ve reached the stage where people give the belly the once over before saying hello and I could post over-share dilation updates on Facebook (I promise, I’ll spare you).

I’d upgrade my panda status to heffer status after visiting a dairy farm last week. I learned them cows go on community bed-rest at 7 months, which makes me feel as if cow society might be a bit more awesome than human society at the moment.

As the end approaches, long gone are the days when people be thinking my belly is small, and big and huge are starting to escape their lips. This is a good sign. I should be huge. Huge, hormonal, and happy is the third trimester in a nutshell.

We are a smidgen closer to baby name diplomacy and I’d like it in writing that I’m being very cooperative to avoid going over the “can’t compromise” cliff.

Harper knows that a baby is coming and regularly asks when “sissy boo” will be here. She no longer lists the contents of my lunch when asked what’s in my belly. She sweetly asked me to hug the pretend baby in her belly the other night and I melted.

Sure, the pregnancy is getting a bit uncomfortable. I want to say a swear every time I drop something and have to bend to pick it up. I’m constantly hungry like a wolf (not as the song suggests but lit’rally ravenous). I now pee every 3 minutes and expel gas every 8 minutes. At least I give a courtesy check to see who’s behind me before breaking wind? So thoughtful.

But as the year wraps up, I realize there are only 6 weeks left (Come again? 6 weeks!), and things are about to get really real and exciting in the pregnancy department.

She’s almost here. The very thought fills me with more excitement for the New Year than I can possibly put into words. It’s going to be a bit different, a bit messy as we transition into a new stage but mostly, I’m looking forward to it being a bit of everything I’ve ever wanted to grow and love my family more. I want to relish these last few weeks and the anticipation that fills my heart for the upcoming year with a new baby.

Image: Classy bathroom mirror photography at roughly 33 weeks

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We Meet Again Third Trimester

Monday, November 19th, 2012

28 weeks/6 months

My baby is the size of a head of cauliflower, my uterus is the size of a basketball, our pets heads are falling off! Ladies and gentlemen, we’re officially in the third trimester. Let’s all stand up and give it a well-deserved slow clap.

This means it’s countdown time. Okay, maybe that’s a little premature, but I’ll be honest, the third trimester is my favorite. Sure, it’s the most brutal, but it brings me closer to the end, which means I’m one step closer to snuggling a fresh baby from heaven.

Maybe I’m crazy for loving the third trimester. I mean, let’s look at the facts and let them speak for themselves.

The first trimester is marked by bloating and nausea but it pales in comparison to the excitement of discovering you’re pregnant and telling your people you’re having a baby. Plus, reacquainting yourself with shiny hair and superior nail growth is always a win.

The second trimester usually gets the best rep and it’s noteworthy “go tell it on the mountain” characteristics include an energy resurgence along with belly be poppin’ and booty be poppin’ adorableness. Basically, it’s the trimester that makes a girl feel like Beyoncé. “All the ladies if you feel me help me sing it out…”

The third trimester is characterized by what feels like and quite possibly could be, the jolliest and fattest Santa sitting in the ol’ uterus. Phrases like mucus plug, leaky breasts, dilatation nation, start to enter your vocabulary. Sexy time gets awkwardly creative as you progress from the more manageable fruit and veggie comparisons (cauliflower) to the more daunting, and unbelievable, pumpkin and watermelon. You’re on level red severe risk of stretch mark attacks and suffering from a serious case of waist envy. Most important of all, it’s impossible to dance Gangnam style with your toddler without peeing your pants from all the super classy jumping around. Have I sold you on trimester tres yet? Yes? Nailed it.

Despite all of the above “pleasantries” this last part is my favorite because all of it just brings me closer to a baby. It’s all part of the “having a baby” deal and I’m okay with turning into (for a limited time) a blubbering bowling ball filled with gas. Hit me with your best shot, third trimester. Bring on the hemorrhoids, the Braxton Hicks, and the belly gawking and belly droppin’. This mama bear can’t wait to meet her baby.

Image: Watermelon belly comparison via PonomarenkoNataly/Shutterstock.com

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Back in the (Pregnancy) Saddle Again

Monday, September 17th, 2012

I am a little over 19 weeks pregnant.

But let’s just say 20 weeks since it’s a nice even number and it’s my pregnancy and I’ll round up if I want to. I believe that translates to 4, nearly 5 months pregnant for those who don’t speak weeks (read: me). Let’s be honest, all the weeks, months, trimesters, etc., are just a tad bit confusing. I remember learning pregnancy, depending on how you count it, is considered 10 months by some. My response? Slow your roll please.  Don’t rock my newly mushy pregnant brain. I can’t handle the truth.

What I do need to know, and can handle remembering is the fact that our second baby is due February 12th, just in time to be our valentine. We are over the moon about expanding our family.

I’m very happily 27 and pregnant…again. I’m discovering a second pregnancy is a little like déjà vu. The rosier aspects of pregnancy feel dreamy and familiar, but hard to place exactly on a timeline next to my first pregnancy. When did the baby move again? When did my belly pop? When were skinny jeans no longer looking so skinny? But then there are the symptoms of irrefutable force that were never forgotten. Oh yes, I remember you toilet, my foe. Hemorrhoids? We’ve never parted. Gas? Let’s just say if there was a way to harness all the “natural gas” I’m expelling, there’d be no talk of alternative fuel sources.

Hailing from Arizona, I’m delighted to spend the majority of my pregnancy in the cooler redemptive season, as opposed to the infernal and eternal summer season in which I want to give the weatherman the bird every day.  I also recently quit my part-time teaching gig to spend the days wrangling, singing, dancing, and talking Disney princess at length with our 2-year-old daughter. I do not take myself too seriously, but I do take remembering the ups and downs of pregnancy and motherhood seriously. I’m looking forward to chronicling all of the shenanigans of this pregnancy and my growing lovely lady bump.

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