Let’s Get it Started, Let’s get it Started in Here…

I cried a pile of pregnant hormonal tears the other night as I realized I might just have to go gangbusters on this uterus. Baby girl just seems wayyyyyy too comfortable in there. I realized I’d done lost my mind when in a bout of pregnant insomnia, I googled “ways to go into labor” at the unfathomable hour of 4 am.

When ladies tell me their birth stories of how their “water just broke,” not to mention it was “two weeks early,” I tune out. It seems fictitious to me.  Really, people, the water just breaks? I wouldn’t know a thing about it.

I want to tell the ladies, “I get it, your uterus knows how to party, mine is apparently an introvert who needs to be delicately coaxed to the middle of the dance floor.”

Lucky for me, I discovered there are all sorts of ways to “naturally induce labor” and in “15 easy steps” I can go into labor. I know I’m getting a little impatient. There’s still about a week before I really have to panic about how to get this baby out of here

Although, for this indecisive lady who can barely choose a dish off the overwhelming novella that is the Cheesecake Factory menu, deciding when and how to have a baby strikes fear in my heart. Just do this thing body.

As I perused the list of ways to go into labor, I thought, “where’s the justice?” I mean most of my internet searches left me thinking I’d try .02 of the techniques.

Where are all the women attesting to eating their weight in donuts as a sure fire way to have a baby? Why isn’t a 4-hour massage at the top of the natural labor induction list?

Castor oil, why you so nasty? And on every list? I vomit in your general direction.

Am I not desperate enough yet if I won’t jump on a trampoline, gallop like a horse, or shine a flashlight on my business as my searches suggested?

For the sake of my dignity, I just can’t go around my hood galloping like a horse. I’ve worked too hard to get some sort of street cred and while many people understand pregnant ladies are totally crazy at the end, the galloping, the flashlight wielding is just too much. I have standards.

Before I have to make any real decisions, there’s a very short list of things I’m willing to try to get this baby outta here:

1. Walking. “Now walk it out” is my personal mantra and we are clocking the mileage daily. Don’t worry, we be walking it out all over the West side, South side, East side, and North Side. We’re doing you proud Dj UNK.

2. Sexy time. My mother reads this blog. I’m well aware of this technique and the fact that it made the short list already tells you more than you need to know.

3. Dancing. I am not above the pole at this point if people can give me legitimate proof it will work.

4. Spicy food. I’ll trade a night of heartburn for a baby any day of the week.

5. Squats. I do approximately 57 unintentional squats a day when I pick up my toddler. After realizing they were a labor starter, I’ve been dropping it like it’s a night club in here, hoping the universe will throw me a bone.

6. Food and beverage. There are a myriad of foods people suggest to evict a baby: pineapple, raspberry leaf tea, moon pie, oregano to name a few. As long as it doesn’t have adverse side effects, see castor oil above, I’ll try it. Sorry eggplant, even though many people suggest you, we were not made for each other.

7. Yoga. I’m all over tree pose, eagle pose, and resting and napping pose. Namaste.

Are there any tried and true techniques I’m missing? Patience you say? What’s that?

Please, only enjoyable natural induction techniques need apply.

As much as I believe you that taking a bumpy car ride while standing on your head, balancing a birthing ball between your feet, taking shots of quinine, and having your membranes stripped all at once totally worked…it’s just not for me.

If your technique involves napping, cheeseburgers, or pedicures, please share away!

Image: A bun on my head and a bun in the oven.

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  1. by Morgan

    On February 6, 2013 at 8:33 am

    LOVE your blog :) I completely feel your pain! I had my second almost a month ago at 40 weeks and 4 days! I tried nearly every natural method to induce. And… nothing. Then I went over 40 weeks and was terrified of being chemically induced or needing a c-section so I decided to have my membranes stripped at 40 weeks and 3 days. Yes it was uncomfortable but it seemed to be the push that little girl needed. I went into labor that night. Water broke, and 2.5 short hours later she was here :) So glad I went with the strip because I may not have gotten my natural and very short labor if I hadn’t. Good Luck!!!

  2. by Rebekah

    On February 6, 2013 at 11:18 am

    I am a friend of Nolly’s and have seriously enjoyed your fun blog. Good luck with this little lady of yours! My sister-in-law heard that washing the kitchen floor on your hands and knees would help get the baby in the right position and get labor going. She did this at 7:00 in the evening and went into labor at 5:00 am. She actually didn’t make it to the hospital and delivered in the bathroom, so beware of this “technique”. I hope everything goes wonderfully and you get to hold your sweet lady very soon!

  3. by Sarah

    On February 6, 2013 at 11:21 am

    My husband tried different “acupuncture” techniques on my feet. The next morning there was a lot more pressure in the lower half of my body and that night I went to the hospital. Do a search for it on YouTube for video demonstrations. At the very least, it will be a great foot rub :)

  4. by Ashley F

    On February 6, 2013 at 11:38 am

    The only I’ve heard actually has any credit to it is the sexy time because (the theory is) there are hormones in it all that are similar to female hormones that start labor. I had my membranes stripped with my last two after being 3-4 cm dilated for quite some time and nothing happened. It was very painful too.

  5. by Kelly

    On February 6, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    I had a planned section with my second child — booked for two weeks prior to my due date. Due on the Thursday, hosted pool party on the Sunday prior. Eating loads (as usual) and spending a great amount of time bouncing around in the water with my toddler got things going, and I went into labour! He arrived (emerg. section) that night. So…my advice is to get to the local pool ASAP and participate in some water aerobics or just bob around! Good luck.

  6. by Katie

    On February 6, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    First off, let me just say I have loved following your journey during this pregnancy. Here are some tips I was given at the end of my pregnancy:

    1. Prenatal massage by someone who knows which pressure points to focus on to induce labor. Probably it should go extra long to make sure it works.

    2. Accupressure points on your feet. I think someone mentioned this above. And hey, while the hubs is down there anyway, maybe he could apply some lotion and polish. Just sayin.

    3. Prenatal accupuncture. The ladies in my prenatal yoga class swore by this, but as I am a chicken around needles, I stayed away from that one.

    Sending sweet, sweet baby thoughts to you and your family from San Diego! If we lived closer, you know I would sneak you a milkshake and french fries post-labor.

  7. by Lindsey

    On February 6, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    I love this! I was in the same boat at you with my first and there were just things that I wasn’t going to do!! Castor oil being one. Something else that I did that I’ll recommend is PrimRose oil capsules. Best to insert them vaginally. Sounds gross, but they help with effacement. Also, look up pressure points in your hands and feet. I did the capsules for about 5 days and then did ran and mowed the grass and then had my husband do a massage with the pressure points, and had sexy time. My water broke the next morning. :)

  8. by Cheryl

    On February 6, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    I was one of those women who went a week early naturally with my first daughter. I bought a birthing ball and sat on it with my legs open and rolled my hips around a little bit each night for a week. Supposedly it is supposed to help in labor because it helps the baby move into position. When I went for my checkup the week before my due date, I was 2cm dilated. I had the baby the next day.

    http://mynaturalchildbirth.org/birthing-ball/
    I did rocking and spirals. Of course, check with your doctor before trying this ;) Good luck!

  9. by Jaci

    On February 6, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    My chiropractor said when I was close there was an adjustment he could do that would help manipulate my hips and pelvis so get things moving. It worked on most patients who were at least 37 weeks. You could talk to a chiropractor.

    Weirdly, just after I had my second a bunch of people online were recommending McDonald’s which I thought was ridiculous. I couple days later I remembered I had a Happy Meal the night my water broke and delivered the next day – two weeks early. Sooo maybe there’s something to it?

  10. by Kelly

    On February 6, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    Too funny!!

    For my second I wasn’t intentionally trying to induce labor but apparently he did NOT like the whole order of jalepneo poppers that I had for lunch. (I also had a pedi that morning and a little nap time fun with the hubby).

  11. by Christie

    On February 6, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    I had a long manicure and spa pedicure and had them rub my hands and feet extra long. I showed them the pressure points to hit “Google them” and then went shopping. My water broke in Ross! I had a labor inducing massage scheduled for that afternoon and had to call and cancel! Good luck! :) Baby #4 is due in 3 months…

  12. by Tracey

    On February 6, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    My aunt chugged a bottle of castor oil, barfed, then went into labor about an hour later!

  13. by Jewel

    On February 6, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    Laughing. I was laughing at Jeff Foxworthy stand-up special when I went into labor. It was a serious belly laugh.

  14. by miriam

    On February 7, 2013 at 12:49 am

    There is an icecream place near where I live that swears that their chocolate/nut flavor makes women give birth within three days of eating it. At 39 weeks I had two scoops and two days later had my first contraction. After feeling the first few “cramps” (about 30 minutes apart) I told myself I could not go on like this all day, so I called a doctor friend who suggested the following: go for a long walk, drink cinnamon tea, eat pineapple, and have chocolate with nuts. Feeling vindicated that the chocolate thing was real, I took a long walk to the store bought some cinnamon tea and pineapple and walked home. I prepped my snack and within two hours of consuming these delicious foods I was in the delivery room. Second time around I did them all before feeling contractions and it got things going within five hours.

  15. by Danielle D.

    On February 7, 2013 at 10:22 am

    I overheard a massage therapist telling a pregnant lady last week that she could get a prenatal massage up until the day of delivery and that there are triigger points that they can massage that will put you into labor. A massage before labor sounds pretty awesome!

  16. by Allie

    On February 7, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    Ok, I didn’t read any of the other comments so I might be repeating someone, but listen up. I had a baby 8 months ago naturally. On my 40 wk appointment, I had my membranes stripped, which is still considered natural; there’s no chemicals involved, and it’s not the same thing as breaking your water. THEN I bought some castor oil and put it in some OJ. It was the castor oil that did it. I had had my menbranes stripped the week before, and nothing happened. But the castor oil sent me into contractions within hours. HOWEVER, IT IS NOT PRETTY. What it makes you do is not pretty, but the bright side is: if you’ve ever been one to worry about going number 2 while delivering, you won’t have to worry an ounce about that. IT ALL COMES OUT WAY BEFORE THAT when you take castor oil. That’s all I’m sayin’. Good luck! (BTW: the nurses confirmed it was the castor oil that started my labor.)

  17. by Leanne

    On February 7, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    Thanks for making this depressed, bitchy pregnant lady laugh :) Seriously, it’s not easy!! And I’m a first-timer, so uh, yea…..I have no advice for you :-o