“Dadchelor Party” Doesn’t Quite Roll Off the Tongue…
It has come to my attention that “dadchelor” parties or “the practice of hosting a blowout akin to a bachelor party for expectant fathers” is becoming a thing. Personally, it seems clear that the horribly constructed, roll-your-eyes worthy name is indicative that the idea itself is not a good one. It’s more than lame though, it feels one stripper short of bachelor party sleazy.
Apparently, this trend is big time in Hollywood, or should I say Hollyweird. Let’s be honest, there are plenty of Hollywood trends I’m willing to gracefully bow out of: the paleo diet, a lack of nudie privacy (sorry Kate), divorce, botox, boob jobs (okay, maybe not the last one, but that’s another blog post). And yes, Dean McDermott is the latest celebrity dad seen merrily frolicking at his dadchelor party. I’m calling shenanigans. First of all, this is his 5th child and therefore disqualifies him from the bothersome “last shot of freedom” mentality these parties advocate. Also, his party included flower arranging as an activity. This seems a far cry from the dadchelor mantra that these parties involve “drinking, sporting events, gambling, and more drinking.” I have two theories. One: flower arranging was organized publicity for some thoughtfulness on his part. Two: “make flower arrangements” was code for something I don’t really want to know went down. Either way, this is another Hollyweird trend I’m a-okay passing up.
Maybe I’m too fresh off my annoyance that plenty of people gave their condolences to the dad when we found out we were expecting another girl, but why is it that parenting and for dad’s especially, is portrayed as a my “life is over” situation? With our first, I heard countless times how we’d better enjoy life now, because we’d miss it dreadfully once it was gone. Holy Negative Nancys Batman. One giant boo to you all and to all a good night.
Now don’t think I’m some sort of “ball and chain” wife who doesn’t believe in “guy time” or “bros before hoes” or whatever you want to call it. I support my husband’s quality time with his besties. I do not support however, “celebrating” first time dads by giving them a barbaric, Apocalyptic-eve style “man shower” because their sweet, carefree life is about to end.
Here’s my beef. These dadchelor parties are seen as a “farewell from the inner circle.” My questions: Where are you going? Why do you have crummy friends who don’t understand babies take up time, but don’t automatically make you a complete loser and a waste of space on their contacts list? These are the hard questions you should be asking yourself.
And let’s just say what the major problem is with this whole dadchelor gimmick. Why is the husband getting the party of a lifetime? Let’s remember his lady in waiting, her royal largeness, sitting at home, too uncomfortable for and prohibited from any type of getting wasted. Even chocolate wasted because there isn’t enough room in her stomach for the baby and the amount of chocolate she deserves for working that baby belly for the last 9 months.
Don’t tell me her prize is a baby shower. Baby showers are nice and thoughtful, but no last hurrah status, and really, just a thank-you card hand cramp waiting to happen. Also, they are for the baby, not the mom. While a breast pump and nursing pads are a necessity, they don’t make anyone’s wish list unless they are with child. They never make Oprah’s Favorite Things. If baby showers were for the mom, they’d involve 10 times the amount of food, napping with reckless abandon, and intermittent wakeful periods where everyone tells her she’s never looked foxier despite her compression stockings and elephant sized boobs. I mean honestly, they are actually more work than pleasure these days (thanks Pinterest) and while appreciated, not comparable to the man-shower trend.
And before you think I’m the REAL Negative Nancy in this situation, let me be crystal clear. I’m not anti dads-only parties or celebrations. I am anti the picture of parenthood “painted so dire, it seems like you do need a last night of freedom…” or a place to “commiserate amongst friends.” If you’re looking at parenting as a time when the good life ends and the crap starts to hit the fan, you have no business being a parent, let alone “celebrating.”
Life isn’t over when you have a baby. Life changes, yes. Life gets crazy, sometimes. But over? Not in the least. Babies are transportable people. You want to backpack? Strap that kid up. You want to take scenic drives? Let me introduce you to Siri, the best babysitter I know. You want to make flower arrangements without some blogger’s judgment? Give that kid some dirt and let him/her eat it until their heart’s content.
I advocate that you wholeheartedly enjoy the time before the baby comes. Both mom and dad. Together and separate. But also, no amount of partying, relaxing, or napping you do before baby is going to prepare you for the loss of those luxuries. Instead of dreading the impending change and toasting it with immature partying, focus on the things you will get in return. Parenthood is about sacrifice, but what people won’t tell you often enough is that the sacrifice and reward of parenting is better than a thousand lazy day naps by yourself. You don’t want to be “tardy to the party” of parenting by begrudging it because being a parent is better than any “one last shot of freedom” party you could ever dream up.
Image: Old time bachelor party via Everett Collection/Shutterstock.com