Techniques to Keep Kids’ Tempers Cool in the Heat

Thursday, August 2nd, 2012

Editor’s Note: This guest post was written by Dr. Steve Pastyrnak, Division Chief, Pediatric Psychology at Helen DeVos Children’s Hospital in Grand Rapids, MI.  He shares techniques for different age groups on how to keep a child’s temper in check during rising summer temperatures.

Toddler and Preschoolers

When the heat is high, frustration and anger tend to boil over for kids of any age.  For toddlers and preschoolers, who are learning how to express themselves, tantrums and angry outbursts are very normal.  Since parents will have a hard time reasoning with little ones, modeling and distraction techniques can help deal with grumpy behavior.  But a little patience and a good sense of humor is always a parent’s best bet.

A modeling technique involves parents remaining calm and cool, no matter how frustrating the kids are in the moment.  Tots will take cues from those around them and will calm down more quickly when being spoken to in a quiet and reassuring tone of voice.  Distraction involves using an activity or toy to redirect the child’s attention and disconnect frustration from crying, yelling, and screaming.  But it’s important to distract before the frustration gets out of control or when kids start calming down.  Otherwise, toddlers may connect anger and tantrums with getting a toy. Parents should keep a handy tool box of really cool (and inexpensive) items such as playdough, bubbles, crayons, etc.

If your kids are in a full-blown tantrum, however, the only solution is to remove them from the situation.  Move them to another place or keep them on your lap.   Let anger run its course.

Big Kids

Help kids handle physical stress and negative thoughts by teaching simple breathing and muscle relaxation techniques.  Breathe slowly in through the nose (like smelling a flower) and the slowly out through the mouth (like blowing out a candle).  The slower the better.  Then have kids squeeze specific muscle groups (arms, stomachs, or even their faces) and hold the tension for a few seconds before relaxing.  This technique will release some physical energy while also teaching the bodies how to relax.

Parents can also consider saying positive reinforcements (“Good job,” “You are so strong, brave, awesome, etc.”) for any situation that the child handles on her own.  While verbal praises address behaviors well, teach kids another way to banish negative thoughts by using, what I call, the “Jedi” mind trick.  Have kids recite simple positive thoughts to themselves, such as “I can do this,” “I’m okay,” and “No big deal.”  The more kids practice saying these positive phrases, the more likely that they will change negative thoughts into positive ones.

Curtail Your Toddler’s Tantrums

Thursday, July 5th, 2012

It’s dinnertime: The phone is ringing, your testy toddler is throwing her peas on the floor, your eldest is refusing to eat, and the dog is barking at nothing (again). And you? You lose your cool and have, regrettably, a mini mommy-tantrum.

If you’ve ever had a toddler, this scenario probably sounds familiar. Even the most patient of parents can find themselves at wit’s end when dealing with a tricky two-year old. However, frequent outbursts of agitation may be negatively impacting your child’s social development—and prolonging those temper tantrums. A study from Oregon State University and various contributing institutions found that parents who over-react and anger easily have toddlers who experience more meltdowns than normal for their age. The way you handle everyday annoyances in your child’s first few years of life is directly linked to your toddler’s behavioral development, researchers say.

Of course, you’re only human, and sometimes stress just gets the best of you. But instead of taking your anger out on the dog, take a time out and try our sanity-saving mommy midterm. By the time you’re done with this de-stress test, you’ll have forgotten all about the picture your toddler just drew on the wall.

…Well, maybe.

Image: crying little kid photo via Shutterstock