Posts Tagged ‘ humor ’

Baby Bloopers: Santa Edition

Monday, December 8th, 2014

Anahi, 6
A month before Christmas, my daughter and I were shopping for a winter coat at a department store. She was more interested in the toys, and pleaded with me for a doll instead. I told her, “Let’s wait and see what Santa brings you first.” She began to cry, and asked, “Do you know what it’s like to have to wait an entire month for something?”
Tony Giorgi; Sacramento, CA

Alexa, 4
My daughter mentioned that she wanted ballet slippers, so I told her she should put them on her Christmas list. She gave me a funny look and said, “Mommy, I don’t want them on my list. I want them on my feet!”
Samantha Michelin; Scottsdale, AZ

Charlie, 2
I was helping my daughter write a letter to Santa. I told her she could ask for anything. She responded, “I want Santa to come over in his comfy clothes and play. And I can make him grapes!”
Nikki Antonucci; New Philadelphia, OH

Elizabeth, 6
We were sitting at the dinner table after going to see Santa earlier in the day. My daughter loudly announced, “I want a man for Christmas.” After a long moment of dead silence, we realized she meant a Ken doll for her new Barbie.
Amy Schoenhard; Bethesda, MD

Christopher, 2
During my son’s bath, he started to splash water onto the floor. I asked him a few times to stop, but he didn’t listen. So I finally told him, “Santa is watching!” He immediately looked up to the ceiling, covered his body with his hands, and cried out, “I don’t want him to see me naked!”
Lauren Amendola; Miller Place, NY

Image: Santa Claus via Shutterstock

Christmas Crafts: Clothespin Skier Ornaments
Christmas Crafts: Clothespin Skier Ornaments
Christmas Crafts: Clothespin Skier Ornaments

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Tags: , , , | Categories: GoodyBlog

10 Ways Parents Are Pretty Much Ninjas

Tuesday, November 25th, 2014

These stealthy parenting moves look like something you’d find in a ninja handbook. Here’s how to tell if you’ve mastered the art:

1. You have all the right gadgets on hand. After all, you’ve stashed everything your child could ever want in your purse to avoid spontaneous midday meltdowns. 

mary poppins

Source: Mary Poppins via giphy.com

2. You’ve perfected the silent creep, so you can keep a watchful eye on your enemies… er, kids, at all times.

george

Source: George Clooney via giphy.com

3. You’re a master of deception and aren’t afraid to use these skills to gain a stolen moment of “me time.” 

[Sounds of shower running in the background, with kid banging on the bathroom door.] “I can’t hear you, honey! I’m washing my hair.”

food

Source: Woman eating in bathroom painting via leepricestudio.com

4. You possess superhuman speed, strength, and agility. But only when needed, of course. (Like that time your kid tried to take the family car out for a test drive.)

Source: Forrest Gump via giphy.com

5. Between toting around your child’s car seat, diaper bag, lovie, sippy cup, snacks, and more on the daily, you make this juggler look like an amateur.

juggler

Source: Juggler via bestgifs.net

6. You know how to deal with the unexpected—and change a diaper just about anywhere.

diaper change

Source: Diaper change via dailypicksandflicks.com

7. You use the same care and finesse to pick up your sleeping baby that a ninja would use to unarm a ticking bomb.

disarm bomb

Source: Disarm bomb via tvtropes.org

8. You’re a regular escape artist. When you’re out in public and your tot throws an epic tantrum, you immediately identify the fastest way to make a graceful exit.

penguin

Source: Penguins of Madagascar via giphy.com

9. And sometimes your exit strategy is less graceful than others… Hey, it’s okay—even ninjas have off days. 

escape plan

Source: I’m Outta Here via glee.wikia.com

10. But you always get the job done. High five to that!

high five

Source: High five via giphy.com

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Tags: , , | Categories: Your Life

Minutes From The Crawford Family Meeting

Thursday, September 4th, 2014

Our writer Sarah Schmelling offers a funny perspective in her Parents magazine column, ”Just Kidding!

  • Meeting called to order at 6:32 p.m.
  • In attendance was the Family Board of Directors: Mom, Dad, Evan, 8, Molly, 6, and Sam, 3 (from under the table).
  • Also present: Evan’s friend Marco, who invited himself over.

Old Business

  • Molly reminded the Board of a previous discussion about getting a pet hamster.
  • Mom reminded the Board of the family cat, Gertrude. Marco informed the Board that guinea pigs are “cooler” than hamsters. Evan told Marco that he doesn’t actually get a vote and he’d eaten too much pizza.
  • A motion was made to procure a new hamster. Motion was seconded but failed to pass due to lack of votes and mention of dessert.

New Business

  • Evan queried the Board for an allowance increase. A lengthy discussion followed, then broke into separate discussions on what Dad got for an allowance “back in the day,” chore values, and whatever Sam was telling Gertrude under the table.
  • Dad made a motion to hold the discussion. Molly noted that he made his motion with his fist. Voting was postponed while several Board members imitated the motion, and then forgot what the original motion was about.

Meeting adjourned at 6:37 p.m., when Sam started chasing Gertrude.

On next meeting’s agenda: Effective distribution of Halloween candy and at what temperature members can wear shorts to school.

Mom Confessions: If I Could Spend a Day Without My Kids I Would¿
Mom Confessions: If I Could Spend a Day Without My Kids I Would¿
Mom Confessions: If I Could Spend a Day Without My Kids I Would¿

Image courtesy of Shutterstock

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Quiet House Throws Mom Into Panic

Thursday, July 31st, 2014

Our writer Sarah Schmelling offers a funny perspective in her Parents magazine column, ”Just Kidding! 

ALBUQUERQUE, NM – A local mom nearly lost her senses here Tuesday when she realized her house had been quiet for 20 minutes, despite the fact there were three children under the age of 7 inside.

“I noticed that I’d actually been able to finish a cup of tea, which is unheard of in my house,” said Amy Hansen, 32. “I immediately had to see what on earth was happening.”

Hansen noted that she heard no hysterics, no one yelling, “Guys! Watch this!” followed by a mysterious thud, no furniture straining under the weight of jumping humans, no singing, no one yelling at someone else to stop singing, no slamming doors, no one on the edge between giggling and crying, no “ninja attacks,” no crashing, and no shattering.

When Hansen found all of her kids in the living room, two of them looking at books and one drawing in a notebook, she was still suspicious. “I had to ask them if they were in fact my children and not some kind of robot clones that had just wandered in,” she said.

Luckily, her 5-year-old daughter soon broke a pencil, blamed it on her brother, and then knocked a container of Legos off the table. “Phew! I felt so much better,” said Hansen. “For a while there, that was crazy.”

Mom Confessions: If I Could Spend a Day Without My Kids I Would¿
Mom Confessions: If I Could Spend a Day Without My Kids I Would¿
Mom Confessions: If I Could Spend a Day Without My Kids I Would¿

Image: Two children with books via Shutterstock

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#JOMO is the new #FOMO because #YOLO

Tuesday, July 29th, 2014

The constant barrage of parenting humblebrags, pin-worthy pedicures, and perfectly posed (and filtered) pics of well-dressed, angelic children is causing us to miss out on what’s right in front of us. So, bid adieu to that nasty FOMO feeling and embrace JOMO (joy of missing out). Let everyone else hustle to keep up with the Joneses while you enjoy the relief of doing your own thing, no matter how un-Instagrammable it may be. Start by:

Just Saying No
When everyone’s volunteering for a PTA committee but you choose to binge-watch Orange Is the New Black instead, JOMO! When your single friend invites you to happy hour but you’d rather sing along to the Frozen soundtrack with the kids (again), JOMO! Only say yes to plans that truly excite you. Who cares if you don’t get tagged in the photo later?

Keeping It Real
Find IRL experiences that mimic the sites you enjoy most. If you’re always pinning craft ideas or recipes, take a cooking class or pick up art supplies and get creative with your kids. Crave connection? Join a mom’s group for a real-life social meet-up.

Seeing the Bigger Picture
For each image of a child quietly reading a book, there are hundreds of un-photographed moments where his behavior is…less than ideal. The next time you’re staring in awe (and envy) at a photo or status update, remind yourself that social media is not real life—and that all the good stuff happens off-camera anyway.

—Sabrina James

Mom Confessions: My Latest Parenting Fail
Mom Confessions: My Latest Parenting Fail
Mom Confessions: My Latest Parenting Fail

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Tiffany Beveridge’s Cutie Quinoa Will Make You Laugh

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2014

She’s sassy, savvy, and LOL-worthy. If you haven’t heard of Quinoa (no, not the food this time!), you’re missing out. Tiffany Beveridge turned her viral Pinterest board, “My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter”, starring a little girl with the same name as the trendy grain, into a clever book for fans to enjoy.

Quinoa is spirited and a hipster, but it would be a major faux paux to refer to herself as one, according to “The Rules of Being a Hipster” that appear at the beginning of Beveridge’s book. More specifically, as Beveridge writes, Quinoa is “the fearless and fashion-forward little girl who dresses to the ninety-nines, attends elaborately themed playdates with her cohort of posh friends” and “sets more trends in an hour that the number of times you check your email in Twitter feed.” Quinoa lives and breathes fashion, and even knows how to undergo a “textile cleanse” (wearing all white for a week) when necessary. If you’ve never found yourself jealous of a fictional character, you (or your child) will be now.

Of course, the book is also parody of our obsession with the latest must-have foods, styles, and technologies. Case in point: Quinoa’s friends are named Hashtag and Chevron, and a list of Quinoa-approved monikers includes gems such as Chia, Sephora, and Peplum. Likewise: The key to choosing worthwhile extracurricular activities, Quinoa says, is to follow three simple criteria: 1. Can it be posted on Pinterest? 2. Can it be posted in Instagram? 3. Can it be posted on YouTube?

Just as Bevridge’s Pinterest board is full of witty captions next to perfectly styled images, the book contains similar musings. A picture of two children sitting on a staircase is accompanied with the caption, “While playing brownstone, Quinoa and Bodoni got into an argument over who got to be the liberal arts professor and who got to be the work-from-home dad.” An image of an energetic young child dressed in camo, flannel, and some bling reads, “Quinoa’s friend Ellipses has the moves like Jagger, the smarts like Zuckerberg, and the curfew of a 12-year-old.” Laughing yet?

While some of the cultural references may go over children’s heads, the book is a fun read for teens, young adults, and parents who will appreciate Beveridge’s insight and humor.

Are you raising a little fashionista? These looks will inspire her as back-to-school time approaches:

Back to School: Fashion for Girls
Back to School: Fashion for Girls
Back to School: Fashion for Girls

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Dad Brings Two Kids On Plane, Gets V.I.P. Treatment

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014

Our writer Sarah Schmelling offers a funny perspective in her Parents magazine column, ”Just Kidding! 

ALEXANDRA, VA - Todd Briscoe, 37, unexpectedly received royal treatment when he brought his two sons on a cross-country flight last week.

“They were adorable!” gushed flight attendant Courtney Flann. “They sat on either side of him, slamming their tray tables open and closed while he sang a song about space zombies. It was sweet!”

Flann said she and her colleagues made sure Briscoe and his boys, ages 4 and 5, could watch nonstop movies and have free first-class dinners, despite the fact the rest of the passengers could only buy BBQ chips and a Lettuce Wrap for $11. “We know that it’s hard to bring kids on a five-hour flight,” she explained. “We wanted him to have the best experience possible.”

Tricia Finewood, 41, a mom traveling with three kids and sitting two rows behind Briscoe, said she saw people fawning over someone but assumed it was a celebrity. “I was dealing with the woman in front of me talking loudly about how ‘parents these days have no control over their kids’ while my daughters read quietly,” she said. “Also, I got hit by a suitcase while getting our bags in the overhead bin by myself.”

When told that the fuss was over a dad traveling with kids, Finewood said, “I get it. Dads with kids are cute. Me? I just dream of a day when I can fly with my children and get past the beverage cart to go to the bathroom.”

Find out your parenting style.

Mother Eff'ed
Mother Eff'ed
Mother Eff'ed

Image: Father and son at the airport via Shutterstock

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Mom Mistakes Dentist for Day Spa

Monday, June 16th, 2014

Our writer Sarah Schmelling offers a funny perspective in her new Parents magazine column, ”Just Kidding! 

ELMHURST, IL – More than halfway into a teeth cleaning on Wednesday, Cheryl Andrews, 38, realized she was as the dentist’s office and not, in fact, at a spa. “I think in theory I knew that a woman was scraping my teeth with a sharp piece of metal,” said Andrews, a real-estate agent and mother of 6-year-old twin boys. “But there was that soft music, and people kept offering me water and asking me to lean back and relax. I kind of forgot I wasn’t there for a seaweed body wrap.”

Dental hygienist Sandy Harold said she knew something was amiss when Andrews requested a heated neck pillow and talked about exfoliation. She’s seen this kind of thing before: “We’ve had parents start meditating or fall asleep without novocain.”

Andrews realized her mistake when Harold gave her a choice of cherry or mint tooth polish. “It dawned on me that we weren’t talking about aromatherapy,” she said.

Still, she’s not at all embarrassed by the mix-up. “I got to sit in a comfortable chair for 30 minutes and not talk about Skylanders.”

She hopes her dentist can get her in for a regular cleaning every Wednesday.

Mom Confessions: The Strangest Thing I've Found in My Purse Was...
Mom Confessions: The Strangest Thing I've Found in My Purse Was...
Mom Confessions: The Strangest Thing I've Found in My Purse Was...

Image: Massage via Shutterstock

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