Posts Tagged ‘ discipline tactics ’

Bethenny Frankel: “What you put into your kid you get out.”

Friday, November 8th, 2013

Have you seen Bethenny Frankel’s new talk show? The SkinnyGirl entrepreneur tackles some serious issues on Bethenny, her new daytime show. Parents attended a taping that covered everything from fashion advice to a discipline debate to a discussion on body image. After the taping, Parents sat in on a blogger Q&A with Bethenny as she talked about spanking, healthy eating, and spending quality time with her 3-year-old daughter, Bryn.

What’s your best advice for single moms?

BF: Prioritize. You don’t really have a lot of free time so, you have to be organized and efficient. Quality time is the most important thing with your child. You have to sleep. I don’t have a nanny, so the minute I get up it’s game time until 8 o’clock when it’s bedtime. I try to get sleep so I feel good all day and we can do great things together. I work really intensely and hard and do two shows a day, which is really difficult, but I cram it all in so that the other time is free time, but there’s no manicures, there’s no me time. I just go right to pick her up from school to make it great for the both of us.

During the discipline debate segment during this morning’s taping there was a lot of discussion about spanking and about the new trend of shaming. What are your thoughts on disciplining this way?

BF: Just to be clear, I didn’t have that much of a problem with the woman telling her daughter to hold the sign [on her Facebook saying she had used the site inappropriately], but I would never do that. It’s not even in the realm of possibility, nor is hitting. [The Facebook photo] just didn’t create such a visceral reaction in me, but hitting does. Although, I remember when a teacher told me I looked like I’d gone through an egg-beater because my hair was messy and I do remember that being traumatizing. I still remember that and it was third grade. I think you can reason with children. They feel your energy. You have to be calm and direct. My daughter is young, until you get older you don’t know, but I just wouldn’t lay my hands on anyone.

So what is your tactic for disciplining, since you’re not a spanker or a shamer?

BF: Just consequences. If I say “no” and my daughter disobeys me or she cries [because I say “no”], it’s okay, you can cry. People cry when they get sad. You can cry. Let her go through it, but I think you can’t take the path of least resistance. A lot of times when a kid is crying a parent just wants it to stop so they give them a toy or a treat. I’m willing to sit through it, even at a restaurant, even if there are other people there. Not a crazy tantrum because I’m not going to ruin someone else’s meal, but I’ll let it go for a second. It does end. You have to be patient about it.

With a daughter and the show, how do you still prioritize healthy eating for yourself and Bryn with such little time?

BF: It’s just ingrained in you, but it’s not always perfect. Yesterday I was with her in the morning and I hadn’t eaten breakfast and I had half of one of those big sprinkle cookies because it was her snack time. I had part of that for breakfast which isn’t the ideal breakfast, but I don’t really get overly caught up in it. Then for lunch I had sushi and then at dinner I had a veggie burger. It’s kind of all balanced out. I’m not always healthy, I had French fries last night, but I had French fries with a veggie burger. It’s all in moderation. You want to be the person who’s here and drinking green juices every day or like Ellen [DeGeneres] where it’s all raw and organic and vegan, but that’s not going to happen.

As the face of the SkinnyGirl empire, and after the discussion of body image duing the taping today, how do you plan to teach your daughter to have a positive body image amidst all the noise?

BF: I don’t think it’s a teaching thing, I think it’s a living breathing thing. I hear moms saying “I look fat in these jeans” or “I was bad” or “I’m going on a diet” and all of those are cues that children hear from a young age. There is none of that in my house at all. There is no noise about exercise or working out. She just eats what she wants. I do see other kids that are very focused on food and they want to eat it all and they want more and vice versa, kids that won’t eat at all, but she’s pretty balanced. I happen to be lucky that my daughter isn’t someone who is obsessed with food. It’s about not having all of that stuff in your house. If you have chicken nuggets and processed food and they get used to that, that’s the slippery slope. I’m proud of the fact that she likes healthy food. And then I don’t mind, have ice cream, or pizza, or chips, but there’s a base that’s healthy. She just likes brown rice, or pea soup, and greens, but of course she can have ice cream. There are no “no’s.” I think that’s another problem is that parents are big on restricting. I was the house with cut up fruit and sliced turkey and other people had Cap’n Crunch and you were so excited. Or Twinkies! I don’t have that stuff in my house, but if you’re somewhere and you want to: have it.

When you do have down time, what do you like to do for you time and what do you like to do with your daughter?

BF: Oh my G-d when am I by myself? When I’m by myself, yoga or talk a walk with my dog, just go somewhere in the city. I’ll take a walk along the river or get a coffee somewhere. Sometimes it just feels free to be alone. I’m a person that likes to be alone and I’m not alone that much. … Just walk and wander. Do nothing, mindless nothing. When I’m with my daughter anything. The playground, biking, the park. Just fun things that I think are an adventure. It’s so nice, it’s so fun together.

Do you have any plans of how you two will spend the holidays?

BF: The traditional traditions. I love doing the Christmas tree with her and taking her to see the windows and to Central Park and Rockefeller Center. I’m very big on activities, whether it’s pumpkin-picking or carving pumpkins or apple-picking and making apple pie out of it, cooking, we’ll definitely do Christmas cookies, we’ll definitely do the tree-decorating and the house-decorating. That’s the best thing about kids, they make you young again. You have somebody to do all these great activities with that as an adult we sleep, we workout, when you’re single you didn’t do all these fun interesting activities. Life’s pretty active with her. There’s not really a moment that’s not filled.

A lot of times I’m exhausted, but I’m not a sit-in-front-of-the-TV mom. I want to do great, interesting things with her. It doesn’t mean we have to go to Europe to the Eiffel Tower, it just means sit on the playground or have a picnic. You feel good about yourself. What you put into your kid you get out.

To watch the discipline debate on Bethenny, tune in Monday, November 18. Check your local listings.

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Would You Discipline Another Parent’s Child?

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011

boy-throwing-tantrumThis past weekend, I found myself heading out of town on one of those long bus rides made infinitely longer by a child who lacked discipline.  The child, a 10-year-old boy, sat behind me and proceeded to kick the back of my chair (incessant thump thump thumps) every 5 minutes for each hour (and there were long, long hours) we sat on the bus.  The child also whined, made fun of, and talked back to his mom throughout the entire ride.

What bothered me most besides the child’s spoiled behavior was the mom’s inability to discipline her son.   With every complaint, the mom would bend to her son’s will and try to appease him; when he threw a tantrum after not getting an ice cream cone, she gave up after 5 minutes and bought him a treat.  She couldn’t bear disappointing him or having him stay mad at her.  The child’s dad looked the other way, never saying a word either.

While I thought of a million ways I could discipline the child, I never said a word to the mom or to the child. Unfortunately, she was also a casual family acquaintance…and not having a child myself, I decided to avoid an awkward situation by choosing to grin and bear it.  This got me thinking how Parents readers would handle disciplining other people’s children.  I’m sure you’ve all been in a situation (whether it’s on a bus or a plane) when another parent’s child is driving you crazy.  Would you talk to the child directly or to the parent?  How would you handle any unbearable situation?

More discipline resources from Parents.com

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Is Hot Sauce Mother Blameless?

Friday, February 4th, 2011

hot-sauceThe latest update on hot sauce mama Jessica Beagley is her claim that Dr. Phil’s producers asked her to produce the video of hot sauce and cold showers.

In an AP article, Beagley’s attorney revealed that the mom originally filmed a video of her threatening  the children with cold showers, but no action was taken.  The producers wanted to see the actual discipline demonstrated on film, hence the more controversial video.   In defense, a spokesperson from Dr. Phil’s show said the producers asked that Beagley stop her discipline tactics after seeing the disturbing video.

Jezebel.com asks: “What’s worse — that they asked her, or that she agreed?  …Ultimately, the victim is Beagley’s son, who never had a choice about whether he’d be on TV in the first place.”

As a parent, would you have made the video knowing you might get a chance to appear on Dr. Phil’s show?

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Would You Discipline Your Child with Hot Sauce?

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

Jessica Beagley, who recently became known as the mother who forced her son to swallow hot sauce and take cold showers, was charged with misdemeanor child abuse today by a court in Anchorage, Alaska. 

Beagley first appeared on the “Mommy Confessions” episode of Dr. Phil in November 2010.  During the segment, she shared a video that her 10-year-old daughter taped of Beagley disciplining one of her 7-year-old twin sons with the above-mentioned tactics.  Even though she was not present in court, her team of lawyers pleaded “not guilty” on her behalf. 

While some support the hot sauce method, such as former “Facts of Life” start Lisa Whelchel who advocates it in her parenting book Creative Correction, the majority of parents who saw Beagley’s video were shocked and horrified at her discipline tactics.  A media firestorm has increased since November, causing parents to wonder how to discipline their children effectively. 

I’m reminded of a time when I was 4-years-old and I was still sucking my right thumb.  To get me to stop, my grandmother rubbed a chili pepper against my thumb.  While my grandmother wasn’t being cruel or trying to discipline me, she chose a specific method to help me break a “bad” habit.  Just one taste and needless to say, I never sucked my thumb again.   Thankfully, I escaped childhood without being traumatized from chili peppers, but Beagley’s son may grow up fearing hot sauce.

No parent wants to resort to cruel and unusual punishments to stop misbehaviors.  But even though some parents have the best intentions to discipline without yelling and spanking, no amount of time outs or distractions seem to work.  We’re certainly not advocating for hot sauce or chili peppers as a means of tough love, but as parents, we want to hear your thoughts on discipline. How do you discipline your child in a positive way? What are some no-fail discipline tactics you use?  What are the ones you would never use? Share in the comments section below.

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