Posts Tagged ‘ chinese parenting ’

Do Chinese Mothers Raise Successful Children?

Wednesday, January 12th, 2011

This past weekend, a friend (who is Chinese) sent me a link and I read, with a mixture of horror, amusement, disbelief, and slight agreement, the Wall Street Journal article by Amy Chua, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.”

Being Chinese myself (and not even an American-Born Chinese or ABC), I wish I could tell you scary stories of what it was like growing up with an exacting, overbearing, and terrifying Chinese mother who would verbally beat me into submission.  Except, believe it or not, I don’t have any.  Growing up, I attended sleepovers and had play dates, watched TV, chose my own extracurriculars (including theater, but I didn’t act), rarely got grades less an an A (until college), and never played the violin (piano, yes, though I was far from being Lang Lang).

However, I did have Chinese friends with mothers like Amy Chua – and, those friends did excel better than me and also went on to Ivy Leagues, but some of those friends also grew up crying, feeling inadequate, and believing parental love and approval came with straight As.  They extinguished their creative and artistic sides and prepared for life-long careers in medicine, engineering, and law.  Over 147, 718 people (presumably Asians), including some of my friends, have shared Chua’s story on Facebook—and most of the comments have been the same: they remember what it was like growing up feeling criticized, never good enough, and uncertain whether the paths they chose was what they really wanted.

Amy Chua would probably say my parents became too Westernized when they moved to America and didn’t try hard enough. My own parents would probably be considered hippie Chinese parents even though they aren’t familiar with the term “hippie.”  My parents never once yelled at me or called me “stupid, “worthless,” or “garbage.”  They let me pull out of Chinese school when I refused to go and they encouraged my love for reading, art, and writing.  As Patty Chang wrote on Huffington Post, not all children are the same so they can’t all be force-fed the same parenting style.

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