Friday, November 7th, 2014
When I originally said I was free Saturday night, I figured it would be three hours of feeding and entertaining your kids—two boys who are very close in age—before they went to sleep and I continued my Mad Men Netflix binge.
I never imagined that I would be pinned to the ground against my will by one brother while the other taunted me by dangling my IPhone over the trash can filled with the dinner that they refused to eat.
“Give us candy for dinner instead,” the first brother yelled, “Or your phone swims with the fishes!”
Technically it would be swimming with macaroni and cheese, but I decided it was not the best time to be snarky with him. And yes, I could have just thrown the second brother off of me, but the risk of hurting him stopped me.
So, do you know what I did?
I gave them candy for dinner.
Not a lot, because I still respect your rules. But you have to understand that when one of your demon children is pinning me to the ground, and the other is looking to destroy my only connection to the outside world, desperate times call for desperate measures.
If it makes you feel any better, I put a vegetable on the table with the candy. You can probably guess where that vegetable ended up.
Babysitters work hard for our money, and only occasionally does the “I’m going to call your mom” threat actually work. Kids are resilient and barbaric.
I once had a kid trick me into thinking that he wanted to go outside, only to lock me out while he ran around the house threatening to call the police and say I was a burglar. This was all because I said, “Hey, we have played Just Dance for about an hour now. Why don’t we do something else?”
Parents, please be kind to your babysitters. Most of them follow the rules to the best of their abilities, but if your smartphone was dangling over three bowls’ worth of Kraft Easy Mac and a stranger’s son was sitting on your back, wouldn’t you just give in?Add a Comment