Archive for the ‘
Your Child ’ Category
Monday, March 4th, 2013
Editor’s Note: In a post for an ongoing series, Dr. Harley A. Rotbart, a Parents advisor, will be guest blogging once a month. He will be offering different advice, tips, and personal stories on how parents can “savor the moment” and maximize the time they spend with kids. Read more posts by Harley Rotbart from this series.
My career was taking off, and so was I. As my star rose in the very, very small firmament that is my specialty, the invitations for the honor of my presence increased: keynote speeches, advisory boards, prestigious panels, exotic meeting locations, all-expenses-paid trips with notes saying, “Please bring your wife if she can get away.” Success was intoxicating; it was nice to be recognized and admired by peers. My kids were little, and I told myself they were sleeping for most of the time I was out of town, anyway. My wife caught me up on the milestones I missed.
As the kids turned 5, 3, and almost 1, they weren’t sleeping as many hours as they did when they were younger, and they were starting to have experiences – in kindergarten and preschool, at playdates and Gymboree — they would remember without me. T-ball was starting in a month for our 5-year-old, and our 3-year-old’s hair was just long enough for first pigtails. The baby was walking — running really — to keep up. I tried to keep up, too. To know their friends’ and teachers’ names, what they liked best on TV (how badly do I date myself if I tell you it was Barney?). But even when I was home and they were animatedly telling me about their day, my mind wasn’t with them. Instead, my mind was on the next colloquium I had to prepare, the next flight I had to catch, and the call I should make to a colleague to discuss the seminal lecture I would be giving in Scandinavia. It was during our middle child’s third birthday party that I had my fateful Dorian Gray moment. I was filming my kids running around in party hats with ice cream cake on their cheeks. As I filmed my daughter opening her presents, I had a stark vision of my future, but I didn’t look like me; I looked like Rick, Mike, and James.
Rick, Mike, and James were real people, colleagues I knew from my hotshot meetings, established megastars in their universes of influence. Million Milers! There wasn’t a major meeting in my field without one or more of the MMs on the dais. In the lounges after the meetings, they regaled us with travelogues; they had been everywhere and seen it all. For small talk, we compared frequent-
With a vivid and terrifying vision of becoming Rick, Mike, or James, I stopped filming the birthday party and started to really see it. I realized a few things: I liked hearing my kids tell me their adventures better than I liked hearing those of the MMs. I liked sleeping at home with my wife better than alone in a luxurious hotel room that I could only describe to her by phone. I liked hearing my baby giggle better than I liked hearing polite applause from colleagues in a far-off ballroom. I wanted to be at the first T-ball game. Heck, I wanted to coach the T-ball team.
That was the day I grounded myself. Not all at once, of course. I still had obligations to fulfill. But I learned to say no, and I learned to be a lesser player. I was fortunate that my job didn’t require the travel or the renown — those were merely accoutrements of my success. I could still earn a decent living and sleep at home, as long as my ego would survive a cut in prestige. And it did. In a matter of months, I went from budding superstar to just being a regular star. If any of this story sounds familiar, if you are superstar wannabes, ask yourself these questions before you get too hooked on the fanfare: How much status and stature do you need? How much do you need to know your kids, and how much do they need to know you? And how much are you willing to miss during all those hours on the tarmac? For me, even though I lost my Premier Executive status with the airline and gave up the extra legroom, I gained something more precious — time with my kids that I’ll always be grateful for. And, yes, I did end up coaching T-ball, too.
Dr. Harley A. Rotbart is Professor and Vice Chairman of Pediatrics at the University of Colorado School of Medicine and Children’s Hospital Colorado. He is the author of three books for parents and families, including the recent No Regrets Parenting, a Parents advisor, and a contributor to The New York Times Motherlode blog. Visit his blog at noregretsparenting.com and follow him on Facebook and Twitter (@NoRegretsParent).
Image: Well-lit empty airplane interior with window and blue seat via Shutterstock.
Thursday, February 28th, 2013
This is a guest post from Ann O’Leary, the director of the Children and Families Program at the Center for the Next Generation. The Center has launched a campaign called Too Small to Fail, a national movement to raise awareness about the state of America’s children and how the country can come together to create a stronger future for the next generation; we at Parents are one of its partners.
In an effort to save $1.2 trillion over the next decade, the government may take a sledge hammer to the federal budget on March 1st, and in the process cut billions of dollars to programs that directly serve children.
That is unless Congress and the president can come to an agreement on different paths to lower debt that has accumulated over the last decade.
But, let’s step back and look at a few of the impacts if the federal government goes through with the planned cuts:
- Early childhood education through Head Start would eliminate 70,000 student positions;
- Special education, funded through the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), will face a direct hit laying off 7,200 staff members who care for and educate children with disabilities;
- Cuts to Title I education spending – the program that directs dollars to schools with low-income and vulnerable student populations – will eliminate funding for more than 2,700 schools unfairly impacting nearly 1.2 million children; and
- 600,000 women and children would lose access to nutrition assistance through the Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) program along with leaving 30,000 low-income children and their families without the funds they need to keep their children in child-care.
Protections for children can go a long way to supporting their growth and development. Just look at Alfa, who has broader dreams of becoming the first in her family to attend college. She benefits from a learning environment at her public school, and we put thousands of more children just like her in peril if we proceed with these blunt and arbitrary cuts to their education and health.
Here in California, the hit will be felt especially hard, as some 8,200 children will lose Head Start services, thousands of teachers will face unemployment, and, in a cruel twist, over 15,000 children in the state will not receive vaccinations for common diseases such as measles, tetanus, and influenza.
Yet, these cuts also expose a harsh reality when looking at our federal spending priorities: kids, who don’t have a political voice of their own, will bear the burden of the spending reductions to pay off debts accumulated by their parents and grandparents.
The devastating consequences of these decisions will inflict harm on children, particularly because they interrupt education, health care services, and child care supports that experts agree are the building blocks of healthy adults.
While the negotiators on both sides have saved some programs from cuts, including Social Security, Medicare, and the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP), these cuts unfairly impact vulnerable populations who rely significantly on these programs to help make ends meet.
Only time will tell if our leaders decide to make the wise – as well as moral – decision to work to find a solution to these spending cuts and continue to put investments back in children.
Tuesday, February 26th, 2013
Easter is kind of a big deal in our house. Honestly? It’s our biggest party of the year. We have an open house for about 30 guests, including a fleet of kids, who pose for an annual Easter portrait on our stoop. (Like the one from last year, below!) 
A coworker asked if I do an Easter-egg hunt and I had to admit, “only sometimes.” Mostly I mark the holiday with cute outfits for Grace, now 10, and Joe, now 7. And big Easter baskets for them as well. For that reason, I was pretty psyched to learn that there’s an entire Easter-specific Gilt.com sale. It went live this week and is filled with photo-ready clothes and stuff that any Easter Bunny would be happy to give! (And all at good discounts, since that’s the Gilt way!)
The sale stays up until Easter at the end of March. But if you want to try your luck at a most-fabulous giveaway, then leave a comment below, up to one a day between now and the end of the day on Wednesday, March 6. We’ll pick two random winners, and Gilt.com will give one lucky duck a girl-themed basket worth $561 (with Giddy Giddy hair clips, a tea set from Alex Toys, and much more), and another a boy-themed basket worth $425 (with a Tom and Drew bow tie, set of bunny masks from Mahalo, and much more). No complaining, moms of boys: We all know their stuff costs less than those frilly girl things. Both baskets have the cute “Hoppy Easter” banner, which sells on the site for $35. Which reminds me, maybe I will do more in the way of decorating and activities this year. Any suggestions for how to pull off an indoor Easter-egg hunt that doesn’t turn into a wild stampede? Or is chaos the point? Leave a comment and help me out, and also maybe win a glorious amount of Gilt.com Easter treats. To that end, also tell us whether you have a little girl, boy, or both. Click here to read our full rules. Goody luck! 
Monday, February 25th, 2013
A seat that rocks can calm a newborn. One filled with toys can give him a great place to play. They’re sanity-savers! Tell us what brand of soothing seat works for you, and what play seat is your baby’s favorite. After you vote, leave a comment below and tell us what you’re able to get done while Sweetie is in his or her seat! You also have the chance to win a $250 gift card. PS if you don’t see a brand you love, feel free to write it in when you leave a comment. Goody luck!
Monday, February 18th, 2013
Job number one: Feed your baby! Is there a bottle your little one has grown to love? What about a breast pump that makes it easier to serve breastmilk? Click on favorites in either or both categories, then leave a comment below explaining why the product works so well for you. Finally, enter for the chance to win a $250 gift card! Don’t see your brand? Feel free to write it in.
Thursday, February 7th, 2013
If you ask me, diaper bags are more durable and therefore more fabulous than a regular purse. Or weekend bag. I have a Ju-Ju-Be bag that goes with us on car trip, beach trips, and most frequently, camping trips. I love its huge size, the fact that it’s wipeable inside and out (they treat it with Teflon!), and that it’s stuffed with a zillion pockets, so I can try to make sense of all of my kids’ stuff (and my own). 
When I read the online description of Ju-Ju-Be’s Be Prepared bag and saw that the opening line is “Are you an overpacker?”, I had to laugh. When I go away and pack my Ju-Ju-Be, it’s got snacks, clothes, toys, electronics, raincoats, my wallet, sunscreen and a whole lot else. No one would ever do a “show us what’s in your bag!” magazine article on me, because the contents of my bag wouldn’t even fit on a page. 
I am happy to announce that Ju-Ju-Be is letting us give away a brand-new Be Prepared bag, a $180 value. There it is below, getting its photo snapped in our office! Want to know more about the bag? There’s a cute Ju-Ju-Be video that explains all the features, from the memory-foam shoulder strap to the special pocket for your sunglasses. All you have to do to be entered to win is leave a comment at this post. Maybe tell me if you’re using a diaper bag, or just turned a regular purse into your diaper bag…I’m always curious what other moms are doing. You have between now and the end of the day on Wednesday, February 13th to comment, up to one comment a day. Then we’ll randomly chose a winner. Here are the complete rules. 
And while I have you…please also vote for your favorite stroller and car seat! There are great prizes there as well. Goody luck!
Monday, February 4th, 2013
Go, go Mamacita! Do you love the set of wheels you got for your baby? Is your car seat one you recommend to friends? Click on both the brand of stroller and the brand of car seat you love, then leave a comment below explaining what makes each great. (I’ll give you guys a month to comment, and on March 4, I’ll randomly pick one commenter to win a new Vera Bradley diaper bag, worth $115! Here are the rules for that giveaway.) When you’re done, click on our big sweepstakes for the additional chance to win a $250 gift card. Don’t see your favorite brand? Feel free to write it in as a comment! Here’s where you can read our sweepstakes rules. Thank you, your votes will help millions of moms-to-be!
Monday, February 4th, 2013
Editor’s Note: In a post for an ongoing series, Dr. Harley A. Rotbart, a Parents advisor, will be guest blogging once a month. He will be offering different advice, tips, and personal stories on how parents can “savor the moment” and maximize the time they spend with kids. Read more posts by Harley Rotbart from this series.
I remember when I first held you in my arms and instantly knew how deeply I loved you. You were so tiny and helpless. You knew nothing and depended on me for everything. I was nervous because there was so much to learn and so much to teach. You were a tiny, gorgeous blob of clay. Since that first moment, it has been my joy and privilege to be your sculptor, to shape you into the beautiful child you are today and to continue shaping you into the responsible, moral, and loving adult I pray you will be someday. It’s my job to make you feel happy and loved. To protect, comfort, guide, inspire, and motivate you. It’s a wonderful job, the best in the world. But it’s a hard job, and sometimes I still get nervous.
There are times when I do or say things that you don’t yet understand, and they upset you. I try to explain but some things will make sense only when you’re older. As a parent, I have to make rules and set limits that may seem unfair. Like when I make you eat vegetables or do homework, when I say something isn’t healthy or something is too expensive, when I tell you it’s bedtime or you’ve had enough TV or you need to clean your room. You may think I don’t love you when all I do is say “no,” especially on days when it seems like I’m saying it a lot.
My days are very busy, with lots of grown-up things I need to do. Sometimes I have less time and energy to spend with you than either of us would wish. You may think I don’t love you when I’m too tired to play or when an important phone call interrupts us, when I have to work on the weekend, when I have a meeting during your soccer game, or when I come home late or have to leave town. You may think I don’t love you when I say, “I can’t right now,” especially on days when it seems like I’m saying it a lot.
As hard as I try to do things right, sometimes I make mistakes. Grown-ups aren’t perfect. You may think I don’t love you when I lose my temper or raise my voice, when I blame you for something you didn’t do, when I don’t notice the good things you did do, or when I say something that hurts your feelings or embarrasses you.
But I want you to know this: Even during the times when it may seem like I don’t love you, I really do. Very, very much. With all my heart and soul. I love you more than anything else in the world.
Happy Valentine’s Day, my sweet, wonderful child.
Dr. Harley A. Rotbart is Professor and Vice Chairman of Pediatrics at the University of Colorado School of Medicine and Children’s Hospital Colorado. He is the author of three books for parents and families, including the recent No Regrets Parenting, a Parents advisor, and a contributor to The New York Times Motherlode blog. Visit his blog at noregretsparenting.com and follow him on Facebook and Twitter (@NoRegretsParent).
Image: Red paper envelope with white heart via Shutterstock.
Categories: GoodyBlog, Holidays, Must Read, Your Child | Tags: Harley Rotbart, harley rotbart series, holiday, holiday letters, Holidays, letter, love letter, No Regrets Parenting, parenting, parenting style, Valentine's Day, valentine's day letter
