Rosie to the Rescue: Tired of the “Trying” Question

Rosie PopeCheck out blog posts by multitalented mompreneur Rosie Pope every week at Parents.com! 

When I got married, I remember my husband slipping that sparkly ring onto my finger, and, almost as soon as I skipped out of the chapel, I was bombarded in droves with the question, “When will you start trying for a baby?” As you can imagine, I spluttered on the celebratory champagne I had just starting sipping! While we were planning on starting a family soon, I certainly hadn’t expected to talk about it at my wedding. For whatever reason, the question of “trying” always made me uncomfortable, especially since this question generally came from older generations. I didn’t like the idea of them thinking about the intimate evenings between my husband and I…. You know what I mean! After we had our first baby, no sooner had I had gotten home from the hospital and cuddled up with our newborn on the couch before I was already being asked, “Will you try for a second soon?”

As time went on, this never-ending questioning went from being simply annoying to actually rather painful. My husband and I experienced a very difficult journey and battle with secondary infertility on our way to our second child. I suppose people assumed that because we had one, it would be easy for us to have another. Well, let me just tell you, it is not like riding a bike, as some less than helpful people, however well-intentioned, might suggest. It was then that I began to wonder: What is everyone’s obsession with tomorrow? Can we not just enjoy the here and now?

When we were blessed with our second son, I was sure the “trying” questions would cease. Alas, they did not, and somehow I think my ovaries heard them because I became pregnant just 5 months after my second child was born. Now that’s packing it in!

So at long last, after years of fielding the question, “Will you try for another?” I can tell you that the questions have finally slowed down. In fact, it’s those same people who often asked the question who are now shocked that we have three children!

What is everyone’s obsession with getting to the next “stage” or the next “big thing?” It is as though our society is obsessed with the next event rather than enjoying what’s right in front of us. Will I have a fourth child, or even a fifth? To be honest, I don’t know, and that’s okay. If you are struggling with the question of whether or not to have another baby, don’t feel rushed to make a decision. Often there are factors, such as finances, age, and career, that unfortunately have to play into our decision making. While you are deciding, focus on enjoying the here and now, and have trust in your ability to work through these big questions over time.

And if you aren’t thinking about trying yourself but are wondering if the lady in the office next to you is, try not to ask her the next time you’re on a coffee break together!

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