An Inconvenient Tooth

6631_3 Hats off. Really. Standing ovation for cosmetic queen, Sally Hansen. Talk about brilliant marketing. What does everyone want these days? Whiter teeth. What doesn’t everyone want to do to get them? Pay through the nose. (Parents magazine, in fact, reported in its June issue that in-office professional teeth whitening can run you anywhere from $400 to $2000. Holy molars, Batman!)

So if you don’t have a gold mine to polish up your grill, Sally Hansen may have just answered your prayers with a $7 solution. (And, hey, I just saved you roughly $1,993, people. But who’s counting, right?) I present to you the Smile Brightening Lip Treatment. Now to get your pearly not-so-whites looking more like pearls instead of the oysters they came in, simply apply a coat of this ingenious lip gloss. According to the packaging, it’s a mix of optical brightening pearls, cornflower extract, and borage (huh?) that helps create the effect and counteract the yellow hues of your stained chompers. Whatever it takes, Sally. Whatever it takes.

So go ahead and have that 83rd cup of coffee for the day, ladies. Want another pinch of chew? Enjoy! You’ve earned it. Go take a big dip in Lake You. Just remember to gloss up afterwards, and you’ll still be blinding your loved ones with your sparkling smile in no time. There’s even a yummy vanilla mint flavor in the gloss that will help freshen your breath. Oh, Sally. I can vanilla minty kiss you!

What other cut-through-the-bull beauty products, like this one, would you love to see? Besides stained teeth, what are your beauty Achilles’ heels that could use some covert covering up? C’mon. Don’t be shy. We’re all friends here.

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  1. by Dayngr

    On June 12, 2007 at 2:25 am

    Now that sounds fabulous and affordable!

  2. by snarflemarfle

    On June 12, 2007 at 8:12 am

    Let’s see…yesterday he spent most of the day playing with the tube from the box of foil. Does that count?
    One of these days I’m going to crochet him a little amigurumi. If I could just finish all my other crochet projects in progress!

  3. by cosmetic dentist in san diego

    On January 25, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    That was great! Now i can afford to buy that one. thanks.
    -heather-