Posts Tagged ‘ mom advice ’

Penis Anger

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

He looks so innocent....don't let him fool you!

The penis is killing me. I will soon need anger management. I have followed the advice of other moms but I am still getting bathed in urine. As are my walls, Emmett’s body–even his face. Today it happened three times in a row. What am I doing wrong?

Here is what one mom wrote to me:

1. Open the front of his diaper for a few seconds to let the air hit his penis; the temperature change is usually what triggers the peeing;

2. Lay the front of the diaper back over him and wait a few seconds to see if he’s going to pee;

3. Proceed with diaper change.

I have not been peed on since I learned this trick over two years ago.

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I have tried this trick. The problem is, I pull the diaper back, then wait a few seconds. I proceed with the change. And 8 times out of 10 I still get hit.

Emmett poops a ton. And I am still battling this diaper rash. It turned bacterial. I got prescription ointment. Added an anti-fungal ointment in there as well, by my own accord. It went away. But now it’s back.  I don’t want him to sit in the poop for even a few minutes, as that seems to be what made it come back, despite the 10-inch buffer of creams + aquafor + triple paste.

So he poops, I change. 10 minutes later he poops again. I change. This goes on for about 30-45 minutes and up to five diapers. Somewhere in there, we both get a golden shower. Maybe three.

At about 4 a.m. this morning, we had simultaneous poop-pee-barf. Yes, baptism by fire with a newborn. But with Fia I only really dealt with the barf/reflux. She didn’t poop 5 times in 30 minutes either.

I am going to look into a pee tent, but honestly, he wiggles so much, even a burp cloth doesn’t work. It would have to be a tent that you use in a circus to cover the whole area. Oh, but then I’d be under it and get sprayed anyway. I’m also trying to dry out his bum each time, which adds to the length of time we both become moving targets.

This morning I texted my husband. I told him I was sorry to break the news to him, but I may become a lesbian or a nun as I am beginning to hate the penis. He hasn’t written back. He’s probably too terrified to come home.

Now I’m off to swimming lessons with Fia. Where I won’t get peed on because a) the instructor is in the water with her not me; b) she wears a swim diaper; c) she has a vagina. Thank the lord!

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What it Means to be a MOM

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Author’s Note: I wrote this post for the launch of MyFirstBaby.com in early 2010.But it’s still pertinent 18 months later.

Wow, I have no idea where to begin. Seriously. This tiny, incredible thing called A BABY has rocked my world and made me a complete cliche (yes, her smile melts my heart). I remember when I got married I was excited to add “WIFE” to my title. Now it’s MOM. And ladies, we’re in this one together. Imagine your favorite girlfriends gathering around at your convenience— even if it means the middle of the night–to get you through this amazing journey. We’re talking labor pains, first smiles, daddy’s involvement, keeping your sanity, restoring your figure, and more.

Undoubtedly someone in our growing community will have an opinion, a tip, a word of advice or a (virtual) shoulder to lean on. It’s about trusting our instincts but also reaching out to other moms to share and to bond. Yes, another cliche. They have become my reality these days, just as my shoulder has turned into a willing baby bib.

My daughter Fia Lily was born December 2, 2009. She was 2 weeks overdue and they had to induce. Labor progressed beautifully until she refused to drop. I was fully dilated, but after 24 hours of labor and 2 hours of solid pushing, she didn’t budge, so Fia came into my world via C-section. My first words to her were, “I know you.” After all, we had spent the past 10+ months together. Then I wept. Joy mixed with relief and more raw emotion than I’ve ever felt before. And just like that my world was turned upside down, right side up and every direction in-between.

So what can I say to all of you? I understand on a primal level now what it means to be a MOM. To be responsible for this helpless and helplessly cute little creature; to have your heart melted so much you worry it may turn to butter; to have tears gush so hard, you’re scared you may cause a flash flood in your home.

fi sleeps2

There are times these feelings nearly take me to my knees. Other times they make me dance on air. How is it we have joined the biggest club in the world, yet at times we feel so alone? I’ll be honest: this hasn’t been an easy journey for me. But when I started to follow my own instincts a little more and reach out to other moms, it started to get easier. I still have many mountains to climb, but with each step I feel a little more confident.

I’m so excited to share this journey with you, my fellow MOMS. It is a title I carry with honor and privilege along with my overstuffed diaper bag. So welcome to the club. Let’s dance.

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