Tuesday, December 4th, 2012
Fia shares with most of her friends. She has never been a baby who says, “That’s mine.” She also isn’t a huge grabber of toys. Until recently. And only with her baby brother. What is up with that?
Who Me? But I’m a perfect princess Mama!
I can have a handful of her friends over playing and with most of them, I run very little interference. But with Emmett it is CONSTANT. And it’s driving me crazy. Everything he grabs for or wants, she suddenly needs. He will be crawling towards his rattle, which she has never shown interest in, and suddenly she is bolting across the room to swoop in and get it before he can. It’s as if her life depends on stealing from him.
We keep telling her to stop it. To share with him. But I am so sick of hearing my own voice repeat this over and over again. She also delights in tackling him. She puts her arms around him from behind (while he’s sitting) and pulls him down on top of her. There have been times that she puts him in a chokehold. He doesn’t seem to enjoy being choked. I can’t imagine why. (He is a tank. He is so going to get back at her once he can hold his own.)
She is always in his space
The thing is, she doesn’t seem to be doing either of these things out of hostility or jealousy. The sharing seems to come from more of a bossy, I’m-in-charge place (wait, is there a mirror around?) and the tackling comes from her obsessive hugging habit. But both need to stop because he’s getting to the age where he cares and starts to cry. And I’m sick of playing referee.
When I say, “Fia, that’s not nice. Give it back to him. He’s upset,” she does, but not after saying, “B-b-u-utt-mama, I need it for just a tiny little bit more. Th-th-then he can share with me later.” She says it with such authority too. If it didn’t drive me crazy, I’d find it hilarious.
Is this normal sibling stuff? And is there a better way of handling it than being a broken record? Fill me in.
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Fearless Feisty Mama, Mom Situations, Mom Tricks and Tips
Monday, April 30th, 2012
I don’t think this milestone is for the baby book. But it did happen. Fia got in a fight at school. And unfortunately, I think she suffered the brunt of it.
Her pre-preschool called to tell me. I happened to be in my hypnotherapy session (ironic, as I’m learning peace), so Phil spoke to them. Apparently she and another girl were playing on the carpet and the teacher was at a table nearby. Next thing you know, Fia is sitting in a corner looking upset. I can’t believe she didn’t cry or scream. This is a girl who sobs for a bandaid when a pebble hits her pinkie. I think she was in a state of semi-shock.
No one actually saw what happened, but they think they were both fighting over a scarf (good god, it starts early). They think Fia may have then gone in to hug the girl… and the girl lashed out. She grabbed her nose area and did some good scratching. Not sure if her parents own nail scissors, but if not, maybe buy a pair? Then she bit her. Fia had welts on her arm from the tooth marks, but luckily it didn’t break the skin.
I know Fia’s hugging can get out of control, but since no one saw, I don’t want to jump to conclusions that that’s what was happening. The teacher had the girl apologize, and then had Fia sit in her office for comfort, where I guess she sat quietly. The picture of that breaks my heart–her little legs dangling off the chair, her head hanging low. I’m sure she was shook up and had her feelings hurt.
I don’t want to be a helicopter parent. Nor do I want to be overly dramatic, as this is probably the first of many squabbles. But I can’t help but feel like a mama bear when my baby is hurt–physically, emotionally or otherwise.
When I went to drop her off the next day, I ran right into the other girl and her dad. Thinking I’d break the ice I said, “Hey–I hear we had a little incident yesterday.” Now if that had been me, I would have bent over backwards to apologize. Instead, the dad basically shrugged his shoulders and said, “Yeah, sorry about that. Her sister also has a lot of bite marks. Must be a phase…kids bounce right back.” Whhaaattt? You give my child welts and say it’s just “a phase?” What about a little discipline? Like “Don’t do that Anne?” If there’s one thing I can’t tolerate it’s RIE parents (ie: we just like to let the kids work it out themselves…). What utter bullsh-t. In this case, I don’t even think the dad has a parenting method. He was just oblivious. My friend Cassandra wrote a horrifying blog about lack of parenting she experienced on a playdate. This must just be part of motherhood.
I don’t get it though. I want my kid to treat others well and be treated well in return. I want to teach her that biting, hitting, even hugging is wrong when it’s not welcomed. I would think that would be a universal goal.
At any rate, Fia is fine and her war wounds have healed. And if she ever does hug too hard, believe me, I’ll swoop right in and put a stop to it. Because I’m that kind of parent.
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babble, cassandra barry, first fight, girl fight, helicopter parent, hugging, hypnotherapy, peace, preschool, rie parenting, toddler bite, toddler scratch | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Milestone Monday, Mom Situations
Friday, April 20th, 2012
Is there such a thing as a "sweet" stare down?
Fia is a hugger. Even though I think that’s better than being a hitter, she can irritate other kids through her obsessive hugging. Her friend Laszlo Stein clearly had had enough of it and turned the tables on her. We parents were chatting when suddenly the air became still…and tense. Sweet little Laszlo had turned lion on us. Fia was his prey. We watched as he moved closer and closer, never breaking his intense–almost primal–stare. Fia, for the first time in her life, slowly backed away, looking smaller and smaller.
This was the beginning of what would become the longest “stare down” in toddler history.
Then Fia, sensing an opportunity for a truce, decided to touch his cheek. He didn’t bite. They were friends again. But he made it clear: You’ll hug when I say you can hug. Good job Laszlo. You are already learning the art of boundaries. You’ll need them with her–and countless other women, I’m sure!
Moments After the Stare Down
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