Monday, June 3rd, 2013
I got a bit slammed by the comments on Facebook regarding my post about letting toddlers wear makeup. I will say it made me think that perhaps I am a bit too protective in that regard. As is Victoria Beckham, apparently. I was thrown down for not wanting Fia to play with a little girl’s purse that was chock full of Hello Kitty makeup. I am still on the fence with how I feel about that. I did find it a bit gross that a 3-year old is running around with blush and lipstick in her purse, stopping mid run to re-apply her cosmetics.
I know I was the only one there so no one else witnessed what I did. But the conclusion that I jerked Fia away in a “judgmental” way is just false.
I didn’t say, “That girl is awful. Look at her makeup. Come on Fia, let’s get out of here.” Or anything even close.
We were leaving the Science Center when we ran into this mom and child on the lawn. The girls played for a few minutes, the cursed-purse was pulled out, and we bid farewell and left. We would have anyway. So perhaps if I had explained that better I wouldn’t have been railed on as much.
I know kids like to imitate their moms and they also like to paint–whether with lipstick on their face or a brush on a canvas. There are extremes to any and all of this. I just choose to not encourage or push the makeup thing on my daughter. And she doesn’t seem all that interested anyway. So I’m in the clear for a bit.
But at the risk of getting yelled at again, I am going to launch into another major irritation of mine: sexualizing our babies. I know, it’s a strong statement. So maybe I should just say “language I find distasteful.” But when I hear parents of toddlers saying, “Oh-Liam– look at you flirting with Lily!” or “Asher–where is your girlfriend Abigail?” I, once again, get grossed out. I guess my prude factor is pretty high. But seriously, why can’t they just be friends? Why does it have to be flirting and boyfriend-girlfriend stuff?
Maybe it’s no different when Courtney and I joke that Fia and Teddy are like an old married couple–he gets cranky with her and she nags him. But we don’t tell it to them like, “Fia, your husband Teddy is getting cranky” or “Teds, don’t get cranky with your wife.” We whisper it to each other, then usually yell at one of them to chill out.
And why do people who have even older kids like 9-year-olds use the “boyfriend-girlfriend” term so loosely? The tween age is on the cusp of teen. Why push the romance language on them any earlier than need be? I heard a mom at the playground say to another mom, as she patted her son’s head, “Oh, my son isn’t cooperating today because he wants to be with his girlfriend. Right, Jacob?” And that is not an isolated case. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I don’t find it cute.
So once again I’m throwing myself out there. Am I being prudent or prudish?
picture of toddlers via Shutterstock
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Thursday, May 30th, 2013
About a year ago I met a woman at the playground. Her 3-year-old was carrying around a purse, chock full of Hello Kitty Makeup. I was pretty grossed out. The mom, who ironically struck me as the hippie type–said her daughter just had a birthday and this was one of her presents. The girl was showing Fia everything before I pulled her away. I left thinking no way will I expose Fia to that crap. I want to preserve her innocence for as long as possible.
However, Victoria Beckham is taking it a step further. In a statement to The Sun, she says the following in regards to her 18-month old girl, Harper: ”I can’t put on make-up when Harper’s around, because she would join me immediately…”
I guess the glam girl goes without or sneaks in the bathroom to put herself together. I admit, kids are curious about everything you do–including makeup. Fia sits and watches me and plays with my blush brush as I put myself together. She often asks what I’m doing. I tell her that sometimes grownups need to put stuff on their face because they don’t have young, beautiful skin like hers. A few times as I’m putting powder on, Fia pulls out one of my brushes and imitates me. I have let her put some translucent powder on her face before. And sometimes I tickle her nose with my brush. I definitely wouldn’t do lipstick–like Suri Cruise at the age of 5. And Heidi Klum who paraded her 2-year old around with bright red lips (interesting choice, since on the other hand she insists on paying her kids $1 a day to drink a smoothie. Seems a bit ironic, no?). Though I do let her put on chapstick for her dry lips.
The Huffington Post has an article about the Beckham makeup statement, and mentions the other celebrity children (like Suri) and Heidi Klum’s kids.
Anyway, the article posed the question:
What do you think: Should little girls be kept away from makeup as long as possible, or is an early love of cosmetics just harmless fun?
So now I’m asking you guys. What are your thoughts? And what about little boys in this equation. Is it different to let them play with makeup if interested?
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Tuesday, May 28th, 2013
Supermodel Heidi Klum is getting flak for paying her kids $1 a day to drink a smoothie. I wonder if all the people who are freaking out have young kids? My guess is that their kids are either grown and they don’t remember what it was like, or they never had any. Because unless you have a kid who is a bump on a log, most people have to bribe in some way or another. Except we don’t call it bribing. We call it realistic parenting. And frankly I’d prefer to pay a dollar, or in my case, tell Fia she can have dessert after her dinner (since she doesn’t understand the concept of money) than not have her eat properly. I’d also rather bribe her with a small treat than the Ipad. Seems like too many parents may be using that as a crutch…but that is for another post.
The other day I was at a birthday party for one of Fia’s friends. A pregnant woman was there too. On the table was a huge birthday cake and then a platter of healthy sandwiches. As Fia ooh-ed and aah-ed over the cake, along with the other 3 1/2 year olds, I said half-joking:
“Hmm, I wonder what she will eat first?”
The pregnant woman piped up and said, “Healthy should always come first.”
I nearly shot her.
Come on. Talk to me when your kid is 3 and in this situation. I would bet my entire life savings that your kid won’t eat the avocado and sprout sandwich first. And I bet that superior attitude of yours will go out the window. Why? Because we were the same way. Until we had kids.
So yes, Fia ate cake for dinner. Followed by a small sandwich. And she survived.
I regularly use bribes. For awhile I gave her a treat after her gymnastics class for participating. A hershey kiss. Not a large milkshake. Or a box of cookies. Just one teeny tiny piece of chocolate. Two classes was all it took to get her out of her shell. And the chocolate I gave her? Gone. Both from her bloodstream and her memory. Now she runs happily onto the mat without prompting.
At a restaurant if she misbehaves, I tell her she won’t get dessert until she sits quietly. I rarely bring out my phone as entertainment. I don’t want to start that habit because for some reason those devices seem to embed in a toddler’s memory and they come to expect it. They also seem like the easiest thing to rely on. But that doesn’t necessarily make it the best (do you guys agree with that by the way?).
Just this weekend we gave her $5. We went as a family to explore downtown LA’s Grand Central Market and Little Tokyo. I told her she could buy whatever she wanted–not that she understands what $5 can get. We talked at length in the car about all the options.
“Mama, what about a giant lollipop?” she said.
“Ooohh, I know! Fia, let’s find you one of those swirly ones. The big round ones that have different colors on them!”
Even though she didn’t know exactly what I was talking about, she nearly ripped herself out of her carseat with excitement.
We even discussed what the man or woman selling it might look like.
“Do you think the lady will have brown hair?” Fia asked.
“Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe blue?” And so on went our speculation.
Sure enough, we found the lollipops. The man selling them? Dark hair. Straight. Not blue.
I had her ask him how much it cost. $1.99. He gave her change. She beamed.
I let her lick it for a solid 10 minutes. We still have the lollipop. We are using it in increments. She ate Udon noodles in Little Tokyo knowing she could have a few more licks after. She ate sauteed spinach at dinner. Same reason. Call it a bribe if you want. But I would much rather have my kid eating well and without a fight for a few licks of this or a few coins of that.
I think that in order to parent properly you need to be practical and prudent. You know when to set the limits and how far to go. Sounds to me like Heidi is doing just fine.
P.S. Here’s a short clip of me talking about it on the show The List.
Picture above is Fia at a salon. She just got her hair cut and I was getting mine cut too. To keep her occupied, I relied on a ring lollipop.
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bribes, bribing, bribing baby, bribing toddler, dessert, eating out, healthy eating, Heidi Klum, ipad, restaurant | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Mom Situations, Mom Tricks and Tips, Newborn Care