Posts Tagged ‘ emotional ’

Milestone Monday: Turning 2

Monday, November 28th, 2011

Almost 2!

Author’s Note: Join me every Monday as I share Fia’s ongoing milestone (mis)adventures–from potty training to talking to everything in between.  Mayhem and mischief guaranteed on Milestone Monday!

Friday is Fia’s 2-year old birthday. What a difference a year makes. Last year I was in tears over the 1-year old milestone. I was overtaken by emotions. It just felt like such an accomplishment to have made it through that first year….especially those first months. I had a little party at our apartment with a few of her friends.

This year I feel almost unemotional about it. Not that it hasn’t been a phenomenal year, but I guess I just don’t feel like making a production out of it, emotional or otherwise. Thus we have nothing planned. Nada.

I did run in a frenzy to Babies R Us last week when I realized it was almost December. I hate shopping. Just thinking about indoor areas with florescent lights gives me a headache. One store plus the Internet is about all I can handle. I don’t think she’ll need therapy down the road for this, but for some reason, I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. I mean, should we at least have a friend of hers over and blow out a candle? (To quote my Brooklyn therapist, “”should” is shit. Don’t “should” yourself.”)

If I dig deep, I guess the one thing that hits me is she’s now officially in “mid-toddler” stage. Right? She’s not necessarily “a baby” anymore. I love it when I’m at the playground and other moms tell their bigger tots, “be careful of the baby.” I will be sad when I’m telling her that. Of course, that scenario is right around the corner with her baby brother coming January 25th. But she’ll always be “baby” to me. To the outside world, she’ll soon start to become “a big girl.” Small sob.

So in conclusion (sorry if this sounds like a book report), I think I’ll just go with doing very little this year. I’ll smother her as always with as many kisses and hugs as she’ll allow. And I’ll watch as she delights in ripping open her presents, more excited about tearing paper than what’s inside. We’ll get a cupcake and a candle. And the three of us, plus Wayne will celebrate. Then we’ll call it a day. And I’ll officially have a 2-year old.

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Feeling Blue

Monday, November 7th, 2011

I just started crying. It came out of nowhere. It was bound to happen. You can’t go through moving your entire family across the country while pregnant, leaving your base of mom friends and a totally different way of living without expecting some sort of emotional toll.

Don’t get me wrong. I wanted to move to LA. I was sick of apartment living, having no yard, strolling everywhere (as in subways, sidewalks, sometimes up to 6 miles a day). New York City is an exhausting place to raise a baby. Now I have a car, a house and a yard. But I feel devoid of my mom posse. Or any sort of routine for me and Fi.

I know it takes time. I know I’m social enough and I will connect with people. I know Fia will get her sleep back under control and we’ll get into our groove. But right now, at this moment, it just feels daunting.

I also realize that since I left home for college 20+ years ago, I’ve never lived in a house for any extended period of time. I’ve always lived in the center of a city. Even if that city was Omaha. Or Sioux Falls. I almost feel like I’m impersonating someone. Is this new lifestyle “me?” At 40+ years old, what if I don’t adjust? I know it sounds crazy, and there are much bigger problems, like world peace and the Eurozone to worry about, but it’s just how I’m feeling at the moment.

I have 3 months to get this all down before the new baby comes. That is plenty of time. And this is my first real day without the chaos of a move or company (my in-laws were here for 10 days and so I had constant daycare and people around me). So I need to go with it.

I have a playdate set up with a mom friend I knew from a few years back. She’s coming over tomorrow with her daughter who is Fia’s age. So hopefully I’ll feel a bit more grounded. But the bottom line: change is hard. But also fun. I am looking forward to feeling the fun part soon.

 

Photo: Woman with Crossed Arms by Picasso.

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