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Monday, October 3rd, 2011
It's Not Perfect, But We Can Caulk
Last week I wrote about my high “skeeve out” factor when it comes to bathrooms and kitchens. Phil found an amazing house in LA but I was freaked out that the bathrooms weren’t new. I had him and the realtor go back and take close up pictures of the tile, grout, caulking, etc. Between the two of them, I received 25 still pictures and 18 videos. Am I demanding? Yes. But I’m pregnant. I said that I was going to get all I could out of Little Leroy while still in my belly. And I am. If I weren’t pregnant, I think instead of a lease, Phil might have handed me divorce papers. But he knows that right now, and right after this baby comes, a happy Jill = a happy family.
And guess what? I’M HAPPY! We settled on the house. A 1920′s English cottage. Super cozy, yet spacious. Impeccably furnished and it oozes character and history. So I can put off pretending to be a suburbs person in a McMansion sans personality for the time being (that was the other house we were looking at). And I think the sinks and caulking look fine. If not, his dad can tweak it when he visits.
As for the move, well, I guess we’re leaving in about two and a half weeks. We just found a tenant to sublet our NYC pad. All this happened in the last 2 days, so we haven’t even figured out an exact moving date yet. We haven’t booked flights. I haven’t gotten Wayne Sanchez his travel papers. It must be the good pregnancy hormones, because without Xanax/Ambien, I should be freaking the f–k out. But instead, I feel calm. I made a list. I have a plan. It will all get done.
In the meantime, here are a few pics of our new digs. So excited!
The Living Room--With a Grand Piano!
We Have a Yard!! What a Treat!
I Can't Believe I'll Have an Office!
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drugs, issues, leaving Brooklyn, little leroy, mom, move, moving to LA, moving to los angeles, pregnant, Wayne Sanchez | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Have Baby, Will Travel, Mom Situations, Moving to Los Angeles
Thursday, September 22nd, 2011
This picture makes me want to sneeze
Fall sucks. And it sucks that I think this season sucks. It’s not by choice. I would absolutely love it–the way the air turns crisp and the leaves turn vibrant. But sadly, I hate it right now. I think I’m the only New Yorker who is not enjoying this amazing weather. I watch Lee Goldberg hoping he’ll say those magical words “the first freeze.”
It’s all because of my horrendous allergies. My face looks like a Staypuff marshmallow. My eyes look like I’m a drug addict in withdrawal. I’m 5 months pregnant and limited on what meds I can take. I get shots, so I wasn’t expecting this season to hit me like it has. I have tried the sinus rinse pots and my nose is so stuffed, the water has nowhere to go. So it just goes into my head and gives me a massive headache (it’s as if I sniffed water up my nose while swimming. Am I doing it wrong?) My throat is so itchy; it wakes me up in the night. Why can’t Xanax be a class A pregnancy drug? Then I could just make myself fall asleep and not know what is happening within my sinuses.
I’m now taking Zyrtec and am about to buy Benadryl. So far everything else I’ve tried (Claritin, Chlor-Trimeton, Qdryl) isn’t helping. Does anyone out there have any suggestions that will give me immediate relief? (I dig homeopathic suggestions, but not in this case where it will take months to build up and work. I want instant results).
I’m making my husband close up all the windows at night. He is rightly annoyed, but it’s either that or my nose blowing like a trumpet in his ear while he’s trying to fall asleep. I seriously fear my nose is going to fall off my face and my eyes are going to swell shut. Help!
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addiction, allergies, antidepressants while pregnant, autumn, drugs, fall, fall allergies, health, health remedy, Lee Goldberg, pregnancy, weather | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Mom Situations
Thursday, August 25th, 2011
It was so reassuring to know I’m not alone in my conflict of staying on meds while pregnant. And even though I know I’m making the right decision for myself, I do worry at times. How could I not? Someone who read my blog recommended a Reproductive Psychiatrist at NYU. This is an extremely specialized department on the cutting edge of research.
I saw the psychiatrist this week and I wanted to pass along what she told me. Knowledge is power, right? I’m going to take another leap here and even include the actual meds and dosages I’m on. Here goes:
At conception, if you’re taking antidepressants, then the baby is exposed. As she put it, “Exposure is exposure.” Meaning, going off at 3, 6, 9 months etc. is not going to make a difference. It’s the first couple months that are the big development stages.
I asked her about the studies that say there’s a 1-2% chance of cardiovascular/pulmonary issues in your baby if you take an SSRI (like Lexapro, Zoloft, Prozac, etc.). She said there is no conclusive evidence that those drugs cause higher risk under certain dosages. For example, the recommended maximum dosage for Lexapro while pregnant is 20-milligrams. (I’m currently on 5 mg, which I went down to on about the 3rd month of my pregnancy). She explained that those same risk percentages (1-2%) exist in the general population of pregnant women. Factors such as age, smoking, diet, etc can potentially elevate those risks. But not necessarily SSRI’s taken at the recommended dosages.
She also said to stay the course with what works mentally. You want to avoid huge ups and downs and being a human yoyo. It is better for you, but more importantly—the baby.
I’m also on Wellbutrin. The studies show there are no known or proven higher risks when taking while pregnant at the recommended maximum dosage. It is 300 milligrams or less on the extended release tablets. I’m on 150 milligrams.
Having said all this, studies have shown that the more drugs you’re on, the greater risk for some sort of issue/problem. That kind of follows logic, right? If she had met me before I got pregnant, she probably would have increased my Lexapro and taken me off Wellbutrin entirely. That way, I’d only be on one drug. But she assured me it’s really nothing to be concerned about. She’s had women with far more complicated drug combos than mine who have had beautiful babies.
When it comes to breastfeeding, the risks go down even more. The breasts act as a secondary filter (the body/blood being the first filter). She said tests were done with breastfeeding moms at a 20 mg dose of Lexapro and 300 mg of Wellbutrin. Those tests showed zero trace of the drugs in the baby.
And finally, bottom line: healthy, happy, anxiety-free mom = chances for the best baby. All the evidence supports that.
I thought this was some great information to have. If any of you have other information, I’d love to hear it.
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addiction, antidepressants, anxiety, depression, drugs, genes, genetics, mom dying, pregnancy, pregnant, taking antidepressants when pregnant | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Mom Situations, Must Read
Friday, August 19th, 2011
It’s almost the weekend and I’m just getting up to speed after having my computer crash. It crashed right after I posted my blog about taking antidepressants while pregnant. I was able to read all of your comments and then boom. I was in the dark. Until now.
I was so incredibly blown away by how much we all opened up to each other. The thoughtful, lengthy, heartfelt comments really touched me. Thank you for taking the time. For all of us who are struggling, let’s commend ourselves for having the courage to open up. We shouldn’t be living in a day and age where there is still a stigma attached to mental health issues.
Some of you are still battling the beast. Others have risen up to see the light after weeks and months spent in darkness.
Was curious to hear from @Meredith about what your doctor said in your follow up visit. You mentioned you were feeling pretty down again towards the end of your pregnancy and wanted to see if he/she offered any ideas.
@Heather actually gave me a name of an amazing reproductive psychiatrist at NYU who I’m going to see. I have taken my dose down in the past 2 months and I can feel the pull to the dark side. I can handle it at this level, but any lower, and I fear I’d be miserable.
@Mae—you and a few others made the excellent point that if you were diabetic during pregnancy you would take insulin; if you had a heart condition you would take medication. Why is treating depression any different? For those who haven’t experienced it before, I can tell you first hand it’s not a choice any of us make.
I would urge @Jessica to consider that analogy. Are you saying people who have depression and need meds shouldn’t have a baby? Remember, it’s a proven chemical imbalance. A problem that is treatable just like the examples above.
There were a few nasty comments, of course. It wouldn’t be a proper blog without. To those who have clearly never struggled with depression and said that if we take pills for it, then we shouldn’t have children, I’ll happily tell you my opinion: your judgment is incredibly small minded and cruel. Not to mention ignorant. I’m not commenting any more than that, as I don’t think it’s worth wasting my energy on.
I’ll end with two comments from my readers. And @Liz you are welcome. It was an honor to put my story out there, especially when I discovered I have kindred spirits like all of you by my side. But for the grace of god, go I…
Thank you for being a voice for those who may suffer in silence due to fear of the unknown. Going through a severe depression myself, which began, in early pregnancy I can totally relate. I would not have gotten through it without the help of medication. Depression is a serious illness that one can only truly understand if they have been through it themselves. The risk of what could have happened had to seriously be weighed against the risk of what my anxiety and depression could have done to my unborn child. And FYI she is a healthy happy baby girl.
I was just reading in The Economist of all places about research showing that babies born to mothers who were depressed or under extreme emotional stress during their pregnancies have actual changes in their brains that make them more prone to anxiety and fearfulness. I don’t have the article handy now and can’t remember the exact scientific details, but the gist of it is that there is a STRONG argument to be made for treating depression and anxiety by any means necessary during pregnancy, not just for the moms’ relief and ability to function, but for the babies’ functioning later in life. I started Zoloft when my youngest was 18 months old, and my oldest was 3, and my only regret is why did I not start sooner? I was functioning more or less OK, but experiencing no joy in life. What kind of mom is that? So glad I got over my fear of side effects (which have actually been non-existent, as far as I can tell) and can now enjoy life!
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addiction, anxiety, bipoloar, darkness, depression, drugs, genetics, medication, medicine, mom dying, pregnancy, pregnant, taking antidepressants while pregnant | Categories:
A Fi Grows in Brooklyn, Mom Situations
Friday, August 19th, 2011
Photo explanation at end
ARRGHHHHHHHHHHH. I have 3 babies in my life: Fia, the one in my belly, and my computer. (Sorry Wayne, not feeling the love right now. You ate Fia’s turkey today).
With Fia, my husband and I were trying to have a baby. In other words not using protection. But with the other two I admit I’m at fault. I’m bad at protecting things/using a back up method. At least when it comes to computers and ovaries.
I was on my computer 4 nights ago when it started acting funky. I told my husband I needed to back it up. (Hasn’t happened since January.) But did I? No. It’s one of those million things on my “if I just had 10 minutes” list that inevitably doesn’t get done. I am sure many of you moms can relate. Then we kick ourselves because in the end, we spend far longer fixing what we didn’t do on the list that has now gone to sh-t. Like my computer.
On Wednesday I posted a blog about taking antidepressants when pregnant. It got amazing responses. I was sitting down reading them that night when bam. My computer just stopped working. That stupid little wheel that I already have anger issues about just kept spinning. I hate that thing. I shut the system down and it never came back. Just the wheel, taunting me: Hahaha. I told you so.
I had to book a sitter, go into the Apple Store yesterday only to be told the hard drive crashed. Everything was G-O-N-E. It will take $550 to try and recover my data. I go back to my “if I just had10 minutes” list and fume.
I left them with the computer to fix, and explored other options for my hard drive recovery (more time spent). Found someone who can do it for less. Wish me luck.
Booked another sitter today to pick up my “like brand new” computer. Brand-new sucks when you’re dealing with losing all your data.
Add up the subway, cab fares, time wasted, sitter fees, data fees and I’m well in the hole for those f–king 10 precious minutes.
But hey, I have a new blog post now. In fact, this is the only thing in my word documents. How sad. But it’s a start.
P.S. I’m writing this sitting inside a car repair shop somewhere in Brooklyn. I am trying to learn my lesson. That “maintenance required light” that keeps coming on in my car? Deaing with it. Now. But it’s taking much longer than 10 minutes. Bleh.
P.P.S. The little Italian man who I asked to take this picture had clearly never operated a camera before. We tried 6 times to no avail, and then this. He was so sweet though…..
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advanced maternal age, AMA, conceive, depression, drugs, due date, new baby, pregnancy, taking antidepressants when pregnant, to do list | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Mom Situations