The Sh-t is (Almost) Hitting the Fan

Sunday, April 21st, 2013

Okay, I’ve written about how hyperactive my boy is. But now he’s taking it to a whole new level. The ceiling. Well, not quite.

I lift weights. I lift babies. I do yoga. I have strong arms and sort of a strong core…at least it’s getting there. I’m almost a hundred pounds more than Emmett. And at least three feet taller. So how is it that he is beating me in a race against poop? And why is it only me? Not his babysitter or his dad?

When I go to change his diaper, particularly when it’s poop, I go armed with toys. I get everything I need right next to me and then the boom, the race is on. Or off  I should say… with the diaper.

He starts to scream and move and twist and turn while poop is hanging off of him. At times I find him dangling upside down as I hunch forward holding him by one leg, shouting “Emmett–NO!” He screams like he’s being waterboarded.

At least once a day I get it smeared on me. How’s that for disgusting? If Fia is home, I have her try and hold down his arms while I change him. She joyfully joins in on the “Emmett NO!” chant. She loves nothing more than having the upper hand. Or at least thinking she does–as feces go flying. It’s a race against the shit clock. No shit.

He is 15 months. I swear if I thought he (or I) could handle it, I would potty train him now. But I fear he’d just crap all over the house and himself. With glee.

No parent should want to take Xanax or drink before changing a diaper. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Picture of dirty diaper via Shutterstock

Diaper Rash War: Miracle Paste?

Wednesday, February 29th, 2012

My Miracle Paste

Battle lines are drawn–with white creams. Instead of a bulletproof vest, I wear a pee-proof one. Yes, I’m in combat against Emmett’s diaper rash and I’m determined to win.  And I think I am—at least right now. But just like war, I know it can change by the minute/hour. For 3 days we’ve been holding our ground.

All your comments were super helpful. Thank you so much. Now to update  you guys.

Even though I had such angst at the last pediatrician visit, I took his advice and ordered the stomahesive powder and pure zinc oxide from the pharmacist.  I also got a tube of miconazole, which is an antifungal cream for yeast infections.  I had been using Lotrimin (athlete’s foot). The pharmacist told me to switch to the miconazole (and that may be the key to all this, not sure).

I mixed together:

1 part miconazole

4 parts pure zinc oxide

Stomahesive powder until it made a sticky paste (honestly, unless there is something special about the powder I think cornstarch would do the same).

Every diaper change I dab the area where the poop is (I don’t rub) with damp Viva paper towels. Then I put the paste on, followed by a huge dollop of Aquafor.

This is what Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles uses and they swear by it. I think I may too.

I’m using Seventh Generation Diapers so no chemicals.

We’ve been airing him out for about 40 minutes at a time, twice a day.

Here’s the other half of the equation that some of you swore by (@Amanda, @Mariane):

I have cut down quite a bit on my dairy intake. I put rice milk in my cereal and just a small amount of 2% milk in my coffee. A little cheese on my salad. That’s about it from the cow.

I don’t know what is making the difference. Maybe both the concoction and my diet??? But I am happy to report his bum looks so much better.

Consequently, our good friend who is an ER doctor (and helped counsel us on our circumcision decision) has said all along to use pure zinc oxide. People swear by Triple Paste and Desitin, but those are weaker in the zinc amount. And some of this stuff, like Desitin, has a fragrance, which the pediatrician said could make it worse.

I also don’t think Em is pooping as much—which could be attributed to my modified dairy intake. Could also be that he’s 5 weeks old today and his gut is getting more mature. As we all know, it’s such a guessing game with infants, so I’m sticking to what seems to be working.  I’ll plead with my troops to keep up the fight. We will win this war!

QUICK UPDATE: THE F-CKING RASH IS BACK. I AM GOING TO SCREAM. IT LOOKS WORSE THAN EVER. LIKE I SAID, IT CAN CHANGE IN A SECOND…. BACK TO THE DOC….AGAIN.

Penis Anger

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

He looks so innocent....don't let him fool you!

The penis is killing me. I will soon need anger management. I have followed the advice of other moms but I am still getting bathed in urine. As are my walls, Emmett’s body–even his face. Today it happened three times in a row. What am I doing wrong?

Here is what one mom wrote to me:

1. Open the front of his diaper for a few seconds to let the air hit his penis; the temperature change is usually what triggers the peeing;

2. Lay the front of the diaper back over him and wait a few seconds to see if he’s going to pee;

3. Proceed with diaper change.

I have not been peed on since I learned this trick over two years ago.

———————————–

I have tried this trick. The problem is, I pull the diaper back, then wait a few seconds. I proceed with the change. And 8 times out of 10 I still get hit.

Emmett poops a ton. And I am still battling this diaper rash. It turned bacterial. I got prescription ointment. Added an anti-fungal ointment in there as well, by my own accord. It went away. But now it’s back.  I don’t want him to sit in the poop for even a few minutes, as that seems to be what made it come back, despite the 10-inch buffer of creams + aquafor + triple paste.

So he poops, I change. 10 minutes later he poops again. I change. This goes on for about 30-45 minutes and up to five diapers. Somewhere in there, we both get a golden shower. Maybe three.

At about 4 a.m. this morning, we had simultaneous poop-pee-barf. Yes, baptism by fire with a newborn. But with Fia I only really dealt with the barf/reflux. She didn’t poop 5 times in 30 minutes either.

I am going to look into a pee tent, but honestly, he wiggles so much, even a burp cloth doesn’t work. It would have to be a tent that you use in a circus to cover the whole area. Oh, but then I’d be under it and get sprayed anyway. I’m also trying to dry out his bum each time, which adds to the length of time we both become moving targets.

This morning I texted my husband. I told him I was sorry to break the news to him, but I may become a lesbian or a nun as I am beginning to hate the penis. He hasn’t written back. He’s probably too terrified to come home.

Now I’m off to swimming lessons with Fia. Where I won’t get peed on because a) the instructor is in the water with her not me; b) she wears a swim diaper; c) she has a vagina. Thank the lord!