Monday, June 10th, 2013
At the risk of freaking myself out, I am asking those of you who have had to put your babies under general anesthesia what to expect. Luckily for Emmett it won’t be for long–maybe 15 minutes. But the thought of him limp on the table could take me to a really dark place. I am trying not to focus on it. Nor do I want to get dramatic for what is to be a very simple, routine surgery.
One friend of mine said to just be prepared that I may lose it unexpectedly. She said she was completely cool leading up to her son’s surgery for tubes in his ears. But as soon as she saw him on the table not moving and being wheeled away she lost it.
The procedure is to open up his clogged tear duct. This thing has taunted us from birth. It’s fairly common–but usually the duct opens on its own before your child turns 1. Emmett’s didn’t. After consulting two different specialists and waiting until he turned 16 months, I threw in the towel and scheduled the procedure. There is a window of time when the surgery is far more likely to open up the duct. I am right in that window. If I wait much longer I could chance him having a leaky eye.
The only risk really involved with this is the general anesthesia. That is the only reason I have put it off this long. I kept hoping it would open on its own. But as it stands now, there is constant goop in the corner of his right eye. He often has tears running down that cheek no matter what mood he is in (which is mostly happy). It hasn’t changed since he was born. I know how sick he is of me constantly cleaning it out. There are some mornings when we wakes up with it gooped shut. Poor guy.
We have an excellent pediatric eye surgeon and it will be done at Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. We are scheduled for Monday morning, June 17. I will keep you posted. Also, how long will he be drowsy for afterwards? Surgery is less than 30 minutes. In fact, to open the duct it can be done in 2 minutes. So I think he will only be under for avery short time. Any pointers or insight is much appreciated.
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Tuesday, July 24th, 2012
I’ve said it before: I need better coping skills. I am almost embarrassed to reveal the absurdity of my latest freak-out. But here goes:
We went on a last minute, mini-vacation to Sequoia State Park a couple weeks ago. We had a great time. As we were heading home, we stopped at this cute playground for Fia to run before sitting in the cramped car (this time we took the direct route versus our disastrous, vomit-induced one).
Phil was playing with Fia while I breastfed Emmett. I walked over and Phil says, “Do you think she’s running funny?”
I gasped. “What? What do you mean?”
“Don’t freak out,” he said through terse lips. “Jesus, can I not even have a conversation with you?”
Clearly, my anxiety has been an issue before.
I took a breath, “You’re right, I’m sorry. Let me watch her run.”
She starts to run and her legs start hobbling. She keeps falling down. They looked like rubber. So guess what I do? I FREAK THE F–K OUT.
“Oh my god, Phil, Phil,” I pleaded. “Oh my god. What is going on?”
He looked at me concerned, because he was obviously concerned too. But I could tell he was also worried about me. Or sick of me. He has said time and again to get a grip. He says I can’t react with such panic–for all of our sakes. I know he’s right.
Trembling, I got down on her level and took her shoes off. I seemed to remember thinking last week the sneakers were getting tight. She took off barefoot. Her gait was perfect.
In the 10 seconds it took to figure this out, here’s where my head went:
On our mini-vaco. These are not the shoes in question, btw.
She has a neurological disorder. A virus. It is fast progressing and eating away at her nerves. We have to rush to LA to Children’s Hospital. Something life-threatening is wrong with my daughter. If anything happens to her I will not survive. I love her too much.
Basically I had an internal panic attack. I say internal, because I did manage to hold it together in front of Fia, mostly because I was so afraid Phil would forever hate me. And of course, I don’t want to scare my kid. I know all too well from my upbringing what it’s like to have a weak, hand-wringing (then drunk, devoid of coping skills) parent. It’s probably where all this anxiety comes from.
But seriously, in less than a millisecond, my mind goes to the worst possible place. Is that a mom thing or a sign of deep neurosis? My friend Kirsten wrote a beautiful piece I posted on the art of letting go. But I justify (in my warped brain) that this is different–this is about tragedy befalling my children.
Phil was really pissed off. And I don’t blame him. What I kept telling him was I don’t like feeling this way either. My visceral reaction truly scares me. It’s like my wires explode in my body and code red starts to ring. Then, because my body has basically been in fight-or-flight mode, it doesn’t just dissipate. It lingers. And on this day, it sat in the car for our 3-hour drive home, casting a pall on the once-boisterous mood.
If the scenario hadn’t filled me with such anxiety and dread, it would have been comical, ie: bad parenting moment: Our little girl has outgrown her shoes and mama freaked.
I spoke at length to Peter, my hypnotherapist. We did some really deep work in trying to get my brain to stop this pattern. Old habits die hard. It will take work on my part. But I have no choice.
This sh-t has got to stop.
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anxiety, Children's Hospital, depression, emotions, feet, gait, hand-wringing, mom freakout, nerves, nervous, neurological, panic, panic attack, running, running funny, Sequoia State Park, shoes | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Mom Situations
Wednesday, February 29th, 2012
My Miracle Paste
Battle lines are drawn–with white creams. Instead of a bulletproof vest, I wear a pee-proof one. Yes, I’m in combat against Emmett’s diaper rash and I’m determined to win. And I think I am—at least right now. But just like war, I know it can change by the minute/hour. For 3 days we’ve been holding our ground.
All your comments were super helpful. Thank you so much. Now to update you guys.
Even though I had such angst at the last pediatrician visit, I took his advice and ordered the stomahesive powder and pure zinc oxide from the pharmacist. I also got a tube of miconazole, which is an antifungal cream for yeast infections. I had been using Lotrimin (athlete’s foot). The pharmacist told me to switch to the miconazole (and that may be the key to all this, not sure).
I mixed together:
1 part miconazole
4 parts pure zinc oxide
Stomahesive powder until it made a sticky paste (honestly, unless there is something special about the powder I think cornstarch would do the same).
Every diaper change I dab the area where the poop is (I don’t rub) with damp Viva paper towels. Then I put the paste on, followed by a huge dollop of Aquafor.
This is what Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles uses and they swear by it. I think I may too.
I’m using Seventh Generation Diapers so no chemicals.
We’ve been airing him out for about 40 minutes at a time, twice a day.
Here’s the other half of the equation that some of you swore by (@Amanda, @Mariane):
I have cut down quite a bit on my dairy intake. I put rice milk in my cereal and just a small amount of 2% milk in my coffee. A little cheese on my salad. That’s about it from the cow.
I don’t know what is making the difference. Maybe both the concoction and my diet??? But I am happy to report his bum looks so much better.
Consequently, our good friend who is an ER doctor (and helped counsel us on our circumcision decision) has said all along to use pure zinc oxide. People swear by Triple Paste and Desitin, but those are weaker in the zinc amount. And some of this stuff, like Desitin, has a fragrance, which the pediatrician said could make it worse.
I also don’t think Em is pooping as much—which could be attributed to my modified dairy intake. Could also be that he’s 5 weeks old today and his gut is getting more mature. As we all know, it’s such a guessing game with infants, so I’m sticking to what seems to be working. I’ll plead with my troops to keep up the fight. We will win this war!
QUICK UPDATE: THE F-CKING RASH IS BACK. I AM GOING TO SCREAM. IT LOOKS WORSE THAN EVER. LIKE I SAID, IT CAN CHANGE IN A SECOND…. BACK TO THE DOC….AGAIN.
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anti-fungal, athlete's foot, cheese, Children's Hospital, Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, cornstarch, dairy, diaper change, diaper rash, diet, lotrimin, miconazole, milk, miracle paste, paper towels, papertowels, pharmacist, pharmacy, poop, Seventh Generation Diapers, soy, stomahesive powder, triple paste, Viva, wipes, yeast infection | Categories:
Mom Situations, Newborn Care