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Friday, October 26th, 2012
No. No. No.
It can’t have happened.
Eyes partially shut, trying to skim the story without really digesting it.
Compartmentalize. Don’t think about it.
But then, you look at your kids–in my case–Fia hugging Emmett. Your heart crushes to its core.
Super Why is on television. It’s daddy’s birthday and we’re letting him sleep in. It is, by all accounts, a normal morning. Except it’s not. Something awful—unthinkable–has happened.
Two kids are stabbed to death in their Upper West Side apartment bathtub. A 2-year old and 6-year old. The mom is out with her 3-year old. She comes home to a dark home. Something is amiss. She opens the bathroom door and sees something no one, absolutely no one, should ever witness. Her two children. Dead. Her nanny is also there with a stab wound to her neck. She is alive and suspected of committing this atrocity. The mother goes into a psychotic state. The father gets off an airplane in New York. The police meet him and deliver the awful news. They take him to the hospital where he joins his wife. Their life is forever changed. For the worst.
Terrible things happen all the time. A plane crashes and it’s front-page news. This too, is front-page news. But as awful as all tragedies seem, this one hits a different chord. It is so personal. We are moms and dads. It is we who make the decision to have someone help us with our kids. We entrust these people with the most precious thing in our life. And 99.99 percent of the time they are a gift. A story like this so rarely happens. But when it does, it is a nightmare beyond comprehension.
There are no words to comfort, no justification to make us feel better for this family. And no God who can say this was meant to be.
I have a nanny. She loves my kids like they were her own. I know her whole family. We did a background check on her before we hired her. It was flawless. When I told her about this story, she started to weep. “How do you ever know someone, truly?” she said to me through tears. “You know me, you trust me with your kids, but how do you know you really know me?” I understood exactly what she meant. Sometimes as hard as you try to do the best for your children, your efforts fall short–and tragic.
I don’t want to put myself in the shoes of this mom or dad. It’s too painful. But I can only imagine if the allegations prove true, and the nanny did this, not only will this mother be haunted by the loss of her children, but also by what she maybe had missed. The clues, the signs. And sometimes there simply aren’t any. Sometimes people just aren’t who they seem. My heart just aches for her, the dad, the surviving child–how will they go on?
When Fia was a newborn, I, like many moms, was paranoid to leave her with anyone. A friend of mine said, “At some point, you just have to trust.” She was right. But stories like this leave you reeling. Questioning.
I can’t live my life in fear. But today’s nightmare is a stark reminder that it is only by the Grace of God, Go I. And all of us, for that matter.
Darkness picture courtesy of Shutterstock
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baby, babysitter, caretaker, death of a child, infant, nanny, nightmare, toddler, tragedy | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Mom Situations, The Sitter Chronicles
Wednesday, August 1st, 2012
Emmett had his 6-month appointment this week. I told the doctor about how hyper/active he is. It’s even hard to change him or put on pants. She observed for a few minutes as he kicked and laughed and did his high pitch cooing. God he is cute. I’ve said it before, thank the universe that at least he is happy with all his hyperactivity or I’d be committed.
I also explained how nights have become horrendous, or I should say, horrendously funny. He wakes up, starts to kick around, typically seems to have a gas bubble (I wrote about his 31 farts in a row), then starts to laugh and laugh and laugh. But without holding him or swaddling him, he won’t calm down on his own.
She was somewhat concerned with his extreme level of activity. Not only from a sleeping standpoint, but also weight. He is dipping back down again, off the curve. She isn’t overly worried, but suggested I take him to an occupational therapist to see if there are some things we can do to calm him. She used the word “sensory” which of course scared me. When I hear “sensory” I think “spectrum” and “autism”. But she reassured me that I need not worry. He is so alert, makes eye contact, loves to be held and hugged that perhaps we just need to work on ways to calm him more.
I spoke to the OT and they can’t get us in until end of August. But she did recommend the swaddle and baby massage. My pediatrician said the swaddle is okay too, as long as he can’t get out of it. Her main concern was if it was a loose one, he could wriggle out and get the blanket over his face. I told her about the Halo Sleepsack Swaddle I have that is zippered, as well as the miracle blanket. As long as he’s in a swaddle that he can’t get out of and that won’t tangle him up, then he will put his head to the side.
So we’ll see. In the meantime, here are his 6-month stats:
Weight: 15 lbs, 13 oz (18%)
Height: 26 inches (40%)
Head Circumference: 17.5 inches (70%)
(By the way: isn’t the kimono hilarious? It’s from our good friend Delia who buys all our stuff at Lucky Wang.)
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baby, baby massage, gas pains, hyper, hyperactive, occupational therapist, Pediatrician, reflux, sensory, sleep, sleep training, swaddle | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Mom Situations, Newborn Care
Friday, June 15th, 2012
My little guy. What can I say. I gush. I swoon. I am madly in love. We always say to them, “My two kids.” Fia now says, “Mommy, hold you. Your two kids.” I swoop them into my arms.
Through tears, I wrote this week about how fast they grow up. Through frustration, I wrote about how little time I feel I have. Both are issues I think most of you can relate to. Some days are better than others. There is no solution other than to try and be in the moment as much–and as best–as you can.
I noticed Emmett’s feet the other day. The bottoms of them have little X’s. He also has a crease on his big toes. I wonder what a palm reader would say? Maybe he’s destined for greatness? Or, to just be happy. Because I swear, I don’t know how The Divine did it, but the universe gave me the world’s most perfect baby boy. Happy, lively, full of spirit. I love to suck on his toes. He likes to suck on my chin. He is delicious. So today is all about Em.
Look at that Tooshie!
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baby, baby feet, creases in feet, Emmett, feet, fia friday, independence, infant, newborn, time, two kids | Categories:
Fearless Feisty Mama, Fia Friday
Friday, May 4th, 2012
We took a picture of Fia at about 3 months laying on her then-brother, Wayne Sanchez. Now she has a real brother and the cat is just, well, a cat again. But we thought Emmett deserved a turn as well.
Can you tell who is who? Ignore the color of the clothes. Both outfits are/were Fia’s. Phil thinks our babes look identical. I don’t think so…though definitely brother-sister. And isn’t Wayne the picture of perfection as well?
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babies, baby, baby pictures, cat, fia friday, identical, photo, photography, picture, pictures, toddler, Wayne Sanchez | Categories:
Tuesday, April 24th, 2012
A few weeks ago I blogged about a prenatal photo contest I was asked to judge. Last week I scoured through hundreds of sonogram pictures for Brainstrong, the sponsors. It was really tough trying to decide which baby-in-utero showed the most personality. They were all so cute and I was transported back to that mindspace of what’s it like to anticipate your baby’s arrival. A nerve-wracking and exciting rollercoaster ride, to say the least.
After much internal debate, I finally picked my top three photos. And now it’s up to everyone else to vote on the finalists. Click here to vote. The contest runs until May 15th and the winner gets $5000!
BTW–Emmett is 3 months old this week. Last night he slept for 7+ hours! My little guy is getting so big.
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