Fia Hates Swim Lessons. Any Suggestions?

Thursday, January 24th, 2013

When we first moved to LA, loads of people suggested I put Fia in swim lessons. I was told everyone has pools and that we’d spend many a day in them. The idea of swimming lessons was both for her comfort in the water and my peace of mind. Not that she’d be in alone, but just knowing the basics of holding your breath, paddling, etc., would make the pool a more enjoyable–and safe—experience for us both.

Fast-forward a year and a half. I have been to exactly one, yes, ONE, pool date. However, I have invested 1400 minutes (5000 minutes if you count the time to the lessons and back) and gobs of money. And guess what? She still can’t swim. She can paddle about 3 strokes on her own with her face in the water. Certainly not enough to be considered “pool safe.”

Here’s the kicker: we both hate it. Every Monday morning as we make the trek to the Valley (we live in Los Feliz for those who know LA), she asks who her teacher will be (we’ve had to switch several times because she didn’t like some of them). Then she starts saying, “I don’t want to put my face in the water.” I try and convince her why water on her face is fun. I don’t mention that I, too, hate water on my face. Even raindrops. I cringe just thinking about it.

I also remember having swim lessons when I was about 8-years old. I remember all the kids jumping into the teacher’s arms and me standing there crying and afraid. I remember the teacher’s frustration with me as I simply refused. Granted, Fi is with an instructor one-on-one. And at this stage, there is no jumping into arms. I should mention it’s the Jim Herrick swim school. It’s a top-notch place and there is no part of me that thinks they aren’t doing the best job possible. There are also phases where Fia seems to enjoy it. So it’s not like I’ve dragged her kicking and screaming for 70 weeks. She does love the water when she’s with us (pictured above).

My question is: do I just cut my losses and consider it a “sunk cost” or do I forge ahead? The teachers keep saying she is really close to “getting it.” But I don’t want her to start hating it so much that the water becomes something fearful.

I was all ready to pull the plug until this past Monday. I took Emmett with me and we sat on the steps of the pool splashing around, getting soaked. He was loving it. We told Fia to show baby brother how to swim. She loves nothing better than being the boss and showing him how it’s done. Swimming was no exception.  It was the most excited I’ve seen her in the pool in a long time. She did amazing too. The instructor suggested I bring him every week. It interrupts his naptime but that is the other option I’m debating.

Do any of you have any experience with this issue or any suggestions for me on how to proceed? If I get in the pool with Fia myself, 1) I have to get on a bathing suit. 2) I have to get water on my face. 3) I have to get Emmett a babysitter. (God forbid, judging from the backlash I received on that issue last week).

If I give up now, has it all been for naught or will some of this experience stay with her until she’s older and we try again?

Suggestions? Thoughts?

Legitimate Fear or Irrational Parent Anxiety?

Monday, November 19th, 2012

Okay, I have said before that I’m terrified of spiders. I’m especially terrified of my children getting bit by one. We live in the hills in Los Angeles. We are with the wild. We caught a possum. We had roof rats. And there are spiders everywhere.

When we first moved out here, I asked exterminators to come to our house. Phil intercepted them. Here’s an excerpt.

“Um, why the f—k is Pest Control here? They said you booked them to spray for black widows. I told them to leave. Call me.”

I happened to be 7-months pregnant so perhaps I was a tad hormonal irrational.

Fast forward to now. As in, last night. Phil was outside grilling. Fia was playing near him.

“Hey honey,” he yells. “I don’t want to freak you out, but I want to show you something.”

Keep in mind, I’m not pregnant. Which means I’m my normal incredibly levelheaded and stable self. BUT I DON’T WANT TO LIVE WITH SPIDERS.

I walk outside holding Emmett.

He points to a drain pipe about 6-inches from where Fia had been sitting.

“That’s what a black widow looks like,” he says calmly, and points to one with that telltale red hourglass on its belly.

Shockingly, I didn’t freak the f-ck out. Maybe because he shot me a look, like, not in front of the kids, like I did during a recent Fia freakout.

“Okay,” I said, trying to remain calm. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to kill it, but I wanted you to see what it looked like so we are aware of them.”

Really, just aware? I’m ready to bomb our place with a mix of comet, bleach and ammonia.

I walk into the kitchen with both kids and pour a glass of wine.

He comes in (post-killing) and tells me not to make a big deal about it in front of Fia.

“I don’t want her to be scared of spiders,” he says. Fair enough. (Lord knows, we’re both pissed at what her favorite TV show has made her frightened of…)

We eat dinner, put the kids to bed, and I begin Googling. Okay, I did come across a website that makes me think it could have been a brown widow. And they are not as venomous as their black cousins. Though it could have been the smaller brown female, which is still considered a black widow and can be deadly though it is rare for someone to die from the bite. Confused? Start Googling.

Nevertheless, we live in a wooded area, we have small children…should we exterminate? I spoke calmly and rationally with Phil about it. We made no decision on what to do.

This morning over coffee and Sesame Street, Phil says, “Maybe we should exterminate. Just to be on the safe side.”

Rather than smirking, I actually deliberated. I happen to be taking the kids out of town for a few days.

“We could do it while you and the kids are away.”

I nodded.

I really hate the idea of toxins all over my yard. I also hate the idea of killing a bunch of harmless insects. I imagine that Doctor Death (i.e.: Dewey Pest Control) has to douse everything. But a spider bite can be bad. I’ve had friends go to the ER because of them. My own mother almost died from a brown recluse bite. Okay, no one I know has actually died from one, but I have reason to be afraid, right? And reason to be fearful for my kids, correct? I’ve done some research and there really isn’t a non-toxic way to do exterminate. They may claim their way is, but it’s not. There are poisons and chemicals involved. If I could sprinkle some magical salt all over my yard or something, believe me, I would.

By the end of the day, I had called my dude Angel. He dealt with our roof rats. And possum. He’s coming over to deal with the spiders. I’ll have to start calling him my Angel of Death. Probably not the first time he’s been called that in his job.

And by the way, I’m not even putting a picture of a spider on this post because I don’t want to have to look at it. That’s how stupid my fear is. So Dr. Death and the cockroaches will have to do.

Picture of exterminator via Shutterstock

Top 5 Pregnancy Brain/Irrational Fear Moments–What Are Yours?

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

While I’m having a baby pulled out of my belly (not my vag–by choice), I figured I’d schedule a post for fun. Don’t worry, I did this before I went to the hospital. They aren’t allowing me to blog in the Operating Room!

1. Looking for my sunglasses while they’re on my head.

2. Looking for my cell phone while I’m talking on it.

3. Running into a cabinet and breaking my nose (that was my first pregnancy with Fia).

Not a pretty sight

4. Running into a cabinet and giving myself a black eye (that was this pregnancy—a few weeks before delivery. No photo unfortunately.)

5. Irrational Fear of Spiders.

Also: Breaking countless bowls, wineglasses (maybe because I’m bitter since I can’t drink?), and dishes.

Parents did a funny bit on this subject you can link to here. Tell me your best baby-brain moments!

Tubes Tied–or Not?

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

Full disclosure: I’m 42.

Full Disclosure: I sneeze and get pregnant.

THUS:

Full disclosure: After Little Leroy gets plucked out, I am done having babies.

Since I’m having a C-Section, I brought up tubal ligation (getting my tubes tied) to my OB/GYN. He said it takes 90 extra seconds to snip the tubes. It’s the logical time to do it. You have no hormonal side effects. And I wouldn’t’ have to worry about the pill or IUD (done both) ever again.

I filled out the paperwork and signed it, just so they have it on record. But for reasons unknown, I’m hesitant. Not sure why.

For someone who, up until 39, never wanted kids (thank god I saw the light. I seriously can’t imagine not having them now), I don’t know why I wouldn’t jump at this. Baby #2 wasn’t planned (I sneezed), and while I’m really excited for him to come and for Fia to have a sibling, there is no way I’m doing this again. Not at this age. Though even if I were 24 I think I’d stop at 2 kids.

So what’s up with my slight reluctance? Is it because it is so permanent? Or is it the small hippy part of me that thinks I’m giving up some sort of womanpower? I also think about that Jodi Piccoult book, My Sister’s Keeper, where the parents had another child so that they could use her blood to help her sister battle cancer. That’s morbid and not a reason to have another baby. Plus, we are doing the cord blood banking. Did with Fia too.

I don’t know. Anyone want to take a stab at this? Is it just an emotional decision in general? Who has done this? If Phil were getting snipped I wouldn’t think twice, by the way.

Picture of tubes via shutterstock

Should I Watch My C-Section??

Saturday, January 21st, 2012

To Watch? Or Not?

Help. Need advice. I am tempted to watch my C-section happen. I mean, women use the big mirror to watch themselves giving birth, right? There is a part of me that wants to see how the hell they make such a tiny incision and pull a baby out.

I mean, I watch House. That’s practically like being a doctor myself, right?

My doctor said that at the hospital I’m delivering, there is a mirror on the ceiling in at least one of the rooms. I’m not going to push for that room, but if I get it, should I look?  Would that be a karmic sign that I was meant to watch?

I keep thinking I’m probably more prepared to see my own C-section than my vag pushing out a baby. That freaks me out even more (and during my labor with Fia they had to bring me the mirror so I could see what I was doing. Not pretty. And sadly, my pushing was for naught.)

He warned me it’s kind of gruesome. But as he was explaining the cutting and peeling back layers of skin, the part that got me the most was this: he says once they get to the uterus, they pull it out, and someone pushes down on your stomach to force the baby to pop out. I picture a 200-pound man with a giant elbow shoving down on my abdomen. Yes, it’s a bit of a horrifying thought.

Yet, I also wonder since I’ll be numbed and drugged if maybe I could look at this as an out of body experience…until of course my boy, my son, comes out healthy and kicking. Then I’ll be snapped back to reality–and a blessed one at that (knock on wood that everything is perfect with him).

I am going under the knife on Wednesday. Anyone out there have any thoughts on this for me? My husband is freaking out telling me not to. That’s because he’ll pass out if he sees anything and somehow he’s projecting his freakout onto me. Plus, he doesn’t watch House. So there.

Surgery picture via Shutterstock