Midlife Crisis Or Just Pressing Reset?

I tend to do things to the extreme. When I decided on a whim it would be fun to climb a mountain, it couldn’t be some obscure, domestic mountain. It had to be Mt. Kilimanjaro. In Tanzania. With my 64-year old Aunt Nancy.

When I decided to start running more, it couldn’t be without a goal. I had to do marathons. Three of them.

So over the past couple months when I realized I was becoming a forty-something frump, I knew I wouldn’t go downhill half-ass. Rather I would do it with a fully covered ass in the form of granny panties. If I was going down, I was going to do it right. I’m an overachiever even in ruin.

Two weeks ago I professed my love for those granny panties. Even the panty line. Last week I lamented about how I didn’t care about the sad state of my boobs. I had no energy to fix myself. Not caring gives you a huge sense of freedom.  I was headed for rock bottom and enjoying it immensely.

Everyone knows though once you hit bottom you either bounce back up or well, die.

Clearly for me, it wasn’t the latter.

I can’t point to anything specific, but suddenly overnight, I went to the other extreme. My mom was manic. Perhaps I got a gene or two…

In the past week I have:

  • Bought out Victoria’s secret. Seamless underwear (not thongs, still can’t do those post baby), 6 new bras, one new bikini swimsuit. All with major padding. My boobs look, well, at least like boobs.
  • Ordered 2 more swimsuits from LandsEnd. Both tankini’s so if I’m feeling self conscious about my now-outie-bellybutton-thanks-to-the-Y-chromosone-birth-of-my-son-I can cover it.
  • Bought 5 new shirts, two pairs of shorts, summer pants and new pajamas. I even bought a belt. It’s been 10 years since that’s happened.
  • Dealt with my hooves. ie: got a pedicure with callous remover and a manicure. 
  • Got into bootcamp. Hard core.
  • Went to Yoga. Twice
  • Then the big one: walked into my hairdresser yesterday and told her to do something crazy. I emerged looking like this:

Other than basic highlights throughout the past 2 decades, I have never ever changed my haircolor. Especially not to a redish-purpleish-blackish-brown thing.  That’s when I realized perhaps I was having a midlife crisis.

My hairdresser very kindly and enthusiastically said, “Oh no you’re not. I’ve seen people have a midlife crisis. This isn’t. You just decided to push the reset button.”

Reset? Yes! That’s describes my scenario perfectly. Sometimes we just have to RESET.

I think as moms, we run and run and give and give and we suddenly have no time for ourselves and suddenly, the very basics have been neglected. I’m talking more on a physical level than mental here. Though both affect each other. I’m talking about losing my feminine energy and finding it again.

The thing about my downfall was that I didn’t mind it. This wasn’t an existential crisis; I wasn’t depressed. This was more like feeling burdened by trying to beautify. I didn’t feel like taking the time or energy for myself. I liked being lazy. What I kept wondering was, “Why don’t I care?” I still don’t have the answer. But I care now, and hope my post-frump ambition will hold. It has to. Because I just realized another first: my eyebrows don’t match my hair…they need to be dyed too.

Add a Comment
Back To Fearless Feisty Mama
  1. [...] Midlife Crisis Or Just Pressing Reset? [...]

  2. by Play Pen or Compost Bin? | Fearless Feisty Mama

    On July 22, 2013 at 8:49 am

    [...] I’m a neat freak. That’s probably why this clutter drives me more crazy than most. I hit the reset button on myself a few weeks ago. Now I need to do it with my [...]