My Underwear Confession

Confession #1: I have granny pants. 

Confession #2: I like them.

Question: Is this wrong?

I was a woman of thongs before babies. Now, even though my body is mostly the same, my comfort level is different. I don’t like underwear riding up my butt. I like feeling fully covered. It makes me feel secure. I don’t care that I walk around in my yoga pants most days with a panty line. Why is that?

The thing is, none of this is because I don’t care about my appearance. I do. I workout. I still get my hair highlighted, though maybe not as much. I get my toes and nails done, though not as often as I’d like. I wax. But damn if I can’t part with those granny panties. I even have some maternity underwear that I’ve been saving. For what? I’m not sure. An extra-comfortable-rainy-day-where-I-need-to-feel-super-snug?  What, my friends, is wrong with me???

I still wear a bikini, but not by choice. I am simply too lazy to order a one-piece. I wear it with a ripped tank and swim shorts so I’m still covered up. I saw fashionista Tim Gunn speak and he said women over 35 shouldn’t wear anything above the knees. I can only imagine what his opinions are when it comes to swimsuits over 40.

In short, the garments that are directly on my skin are big and baggy. Sloppy if you will. This, despite the fact I’m a neat freak. I wonder if something happens after 40 or after babies where your sensory nerve endings crave comfort over attractiveness? The thing is, I always swore how comfortable thongs were. Now I don’t find them comfortable at all.

I will concede that if I’m going to a premiere or anything out of my yoga-pant-baby world, I will change course. But otherwise, it’s nice, large, soft cotton underwear. Usually from Target.

I also wonder: For everyone who does wear thongs, when will you stop? When you go into an assisted living facility? Or do you think our generation and those beneath us may even continue to wear them into old age? Because it seems like thongs really hit the scene in the 90′s. So it’s up to generation x,y and z to take it to the next level.

As you can tell, my day has been one of intellectual stimulation and thought provoking conversations. With myself. I mean, why worry about world peace when you can worry about underpants?

Finally, my last question: Will the panty line ever be hip?  Could it make a comeback? Could Mad Men help my cause? I can only hope.


picture of granny panties via Shutterstock


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