There’s Only One Person She Won’t Share With. Why?

Fia shares with most of her friends. She has never been a baby who says, “That’s mine.” She also isn’t a huge grabber of toys. Until recently. And only with her baby brother. What is up with that?

Who Me? But I’m a perfect princess Mama!

I can have a handful of her friends over playing and with most of them, I run very little interference. But with Emmett it is CONSTANT. And it’s driving me crazy. Everything he grabs for or wants, she suddenly needs. He will be crawling towards his rattle, which she has never shown interest in, and suddenly she is bolting across the room to swoop in and get it before he can. It’s as if her life depends on stealing from him.

We keep telling her to stop it. To share with him. But I am so sick of hearing my own voice repeat this over and over again. She also delights in tackling him. She puts her arms around him from behind (while he’s sitting) and pulls him down on top of her. There have been times that she puts him in a chokehold. He doesn’t seem to enjoy being choked. I can’t imagine why. (He is a tank. He is so going to get back at her once he can hold his own.)

She is always in his space

The thing is, she doesn’t seem to be doing either of these things out of hostility or jealousy. The sharing seems to come from more of a bossy, I’m-in-charge place (wait, is there a mirror around?) and the tackling comes from her obsessive hugging habit. But both need to stop because he’s getting to the age where he cares and starts to cry. And I’m sick of playing referee.

When I say, “Fia, that’s not nice. Give it back to him. He’s upset,” she does, but not after saying, “B-b-u-utt-mama, I need it for just a tiny little bit more. Th-th-then he can share with me later.” She says it with such authority too. If it didn’t drive me crazy, I’d find it hilarious.

Is this normal sibling stuff? And is there a better way of handling it than being a broken record? Fill me in.

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  1. by Laura

    On December 5, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Yes – I have this exact same problem! My oldest son (nearly 3) is great at sharing with everyone except his 9 mo old brother. It is maddening!! He has started to declare “I’m not sharing my toys” (as if somehow that makes it okay?). Haven’t found a solution yet but turning the tables on my 3 year old when my youngest has something of his own that he wants (Gerber yogurt bites) seems to work for a little while (he will share his with you if you share such-and-such with him)! Here’s to hoping the situation resolves itself as they both grow up.

  2. by wendy wainwright

    On December 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    My mom was an only child and always wished she had a sister. She took my sister and I to a family therapist becaise we hated each other! That said, oddly enough she didn’t make us share…she always bought two if it was something we both wanted, a bag of m&ms, etc…You can choose your friends, not your family. She isn’t in any competition with her friends for her belongings or space or attention from you, etc. Perhaps she feels she is already sharing enough with him. I would suggest either not trying to make her share and let the two of them work it out, which could take until they are in their 30s or, and this worked well when I was teaching, point out you paid for it and so really it is yours and you are sharing it with her and if she won’t share with him you are taking it back and no one will have it. I recommend the first though for siblings.

  3. by Kim

    On December 6, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    I had related kids have this problem in daycare all the time. I can`t say i know anything about it for siblings yet, my munchkins had 1 or 2 toys that they refused to share,and everything else they shared too much. I have no idea how that worked out. Probably because the older was godlike in baby brothers eyes, and as long as he left her hair bows and 2 special toys alone she figured he was the coolest toy she could get.

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