Fia’s First Girl Fight


I don’t think this milestone is for the baby book. But it did happen. Fia got in a fight at school. And unfortunately, I think she suffered the brunt of it.

Her pre-preschool called to tell me. I happened to be in my hypnotherapy session (ironic, as I’m learning peace), so Phil spoke to them. Apparently she and another girl were playing on the carpet and the teacher was at a table nearby. Next thing you know, Fia is sitting in a corner looking upset. I can’t believe she didn’t cry or scream. This is a girl who sobs for a bandaid when a pebble hits her pinkie. I think she was in a state of semi-shock.

No one actually saw what happened, but they think they were both fighting over a scarf (good god, it starts early). They think Fia may have then gone in to hug the girl… and the girl lashed out. She grabbed her nose area and did some good scratching. Not sure if her parents own nail scissors, but if not, maybe buy a pair? Then she bit her. Fia had welts on her arm from the tooth marks, but luckily it didn’t break the skin.

I know Fia’s hugging can get out of control, but since no one saw, I don’t want to jump to conclusions that that’s what was happening. The teacher had the girl apologize, and then had Fia sit in her office for comfort, where I guess she sat quietly. The picture of that breaks my heart–her little legs dangling off the chair, her head hanging low.  I’m sure she was shook up and had her feelings hurt.

I don’t want to be a helicopter parent. Nor do I want to be overly dramatic, as this is probably the first of many squabbles. But I can’t help but feel like a mama bear when my baby is hurt–physically, emotionally or otherwise.

When I went to drop her off the next day, I ran right into the other girl and her dad. Thinking I’d break the ice I said, “Hey–I hear we had a little incident yesterday.” Now if that had been me, I would have bent over backwards to apologize. Instead, the dad basically shrugged his shoulders and said, “Yeah, sorry about that. Her sister also has a lot of bite marks. Must be a phase…kids bounce right back.” Whhaaattt? You give my child welts and say it’s just “a phase?” What about a little discipline? Like “Don’t do that Anne?” If there’s one thing I can’t tolerate it’s RIE parents (ie: we just like to let the kids work it out themselves…). What utter bullsh-t. In this case, I don’t even think the dad has a parenting method. He was just oblivious. My friend Cassandra wrote a horrifying blog about lack of parenting she experienced on a playdate. This must just be part of motherhood.

I don’t get it though. I want my kid to treat others well and be treated well in return. I want to teach her that biting, hitting, even hugging is wrong when it’s not welcomed. I would think that would be a universal goal.

At any rate, Fia is fine and her war wounds have healed. And if she ever does hug too hard, believe me, I’ll swoop right in and put a stop to it. Because I’m that kind of parent.


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  1. by CB

    On April 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    To that dad: Your child acting like an a-hole is not a “phase”! Do something about it! Arrrrgh.

  2. by Berit @ Love & Diapers

    On April 30, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    poor fi! my heart breaks picturing her in the office, too. the way her dad acted puts it all in perspective, unfortunately.

  3. by jane

    On May 1, 2012 at 10:52 am

    My son (he’s 2 months older than Fia) had a similar exprience this weekend during his Gymboree class. For a pure accident that my son wasn’t even the perpetrator but the victim, since the little girl was crying hard and seemed to hurt, I went over and apologized to her parents. They were mute – they didn’t even say sorry or show any feeling for my son, whose forehead was red from the bump. I decided to shun away from them next time – they are just not the right parents whose kid I want my son to be friend with.

  4. by dean cameron

    On April 24, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    You acknowledge that the father doesn’t seem to have a parenting method and then blame RIE for his and his daughter’s behavior. Violence isn’t part of the RIE philosophy. :) You actually summed up RIE really well, “…biting, hitting, even hugging is wrong when it’s not welcomed.” *That* is RIE. Children AND the parents learn about boundaries and responsibility.

    Though it’s not at all as severe as your daughter’s injuries, having watched my 3 year old son knocked over by a jerk kid at a playground, I understand the rage, but it seems intellectually dishonest to blame RIE parents.

    I would bet that the father, assuming he’s not a sociopath, was embarrassed and horrified and didn’t have the balls to say I’m sorry.