Keeping It Real: A Note From a Friend

My "Remarkable" Boy

So a good friend just emailed me and our other mom friend. She and her husband are having a boy. Her email was so real to me that I had to share. I wrote her back and told her about all the good things a boy brings. And how now, I can’t even imagine my world any other way. But I felt the same way she did at first. I don’t like sports or trucks. I don’t have a relationship with my father (and my relationship with my mother was troubled at best). And Fia, while not into dresses and tutu’s like her daughter, is also a mini-me in her own spitfire ways. Her email made me laugh and cry. Sometimes words just work. And need to be shared. Thanks for humoring me. (Names changed for confidentiality.)

Girls:

It’s a BOY!!!!!! A boy. Jill–it’s a boy. I’m having flash backs to last spring, sitting with you in the park trying to make sense of a boy. How can I be growing a mini penis and balls? Why didn’t I pay more attention during the, “He pees on me,” emails you sent? Oh Lord, a boy. It took me most of last night and an emergency call to Heather–plus the promise of one more kid (after this one)–to lure me from the edge. But I’m starting to get excited. I’ve also been able to (after a night of no sleep) recognize why I have such a fear of little boys. Want to hear it? Probably not but I’ll share anyway.
1. I’m not close with my father (borderline dislike him) and have a gay brother. I don’t “get” men or boys and I’m unsure of what to do with him (and them).

2. I’ve never been the type of girl to have “boy” friends–I always ended up sleeping with them or at the very least making out with them, thereby dissolving any friendship.

3. I hate sports, video games, and trucks. I’ve never watched Thomas and I don’t want too.

4. And finally the biggest reason, I’m afraid I will love him with my whole heart only for him to grow up and not return my calls, marry some inappropriate girl from California who insists on living there, have children of his own who I never get to see- in short I’m terrified that I will not occupy an important place in his life.

I have to raise a son and as tough as (my daughter) can be, she is all girl. Make-up and nails and dresses. Oh, and tutus. And she carries her purse and picks out shoes!  In short she is a mini-me and I love her for that. It feels like rain or shine she will always be mine- not to be shared with some….”boy.” Even when she’s married.

But this little man I’m now incubating might just turn out to be the love of my life–and Oh my God, what if he leaves me??? I literally am now in tears thinking of having to let him go–and please know that as I type this I already know what a psycho I sound like. I remember, Jill, when you found out Emmet’s sex you told Dan and me that besides your husband, the men in your life are unremarkable. We say that line around here daily. So you can imagine when the tech said “It’s a boy,” my reaction was to climb off of the table and deck her (I mean that in the kindest way possible).

Last night Dan asked me to name one (straight) man that I love besides him. All I could come up with was my friend James, who I do adore and love. He said that when I get scared to think of him and James–and that is helping. But I could use some motherly advice form the two of you who have boys–how will you let them go? Do we have to? And what are fun things I can do with him that we can do as he grows up? I want to get ready for him, and I want him to be my friend someday, and mostly I want him to be remarkable.

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  1. by Heather

    On March 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    I would feel the same way if I were to ever get pregnant with a girl! I was so thrilled to be expecting a boy for my first, and everyone has told me that boys always love their mothers:)

  2. by Jane

    On March 10, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    As a mother of two boys, I can relate to your fears. But I can also tell you, as the mother of two boys ages 18 and 20… don’t worry. They will be the love of your life, and they will love you back. They will say amazingly loving things to you when they are little, and then come and silently hug you when they tower over you. You will be glad for their confidence and their gentleness. They will leave and then come back. They will call and text you sometimes just to say hi. Any you will text them back. You will tell them to turn off the video games and go to watch EVERY one of their games. You will be their biggest fan. And they will be very, very remarkable.

  3. by Lo

    On March 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    I can totally relate to this article. I cried when I heard it’s a boy. Not tears of joy, but tears of disappointment & panic. I never wanted a son. I was going to be an all girls Mommy. I knew what to expect from girls & I loved girl stuff. What on earth do I do with a boy? The men in my family & my hubby’s family are all a hot mess. Will he be like them? I’m going to have to clean pee off the ceiling aren’t I? Almost three years later I wouldn’t trade my little man for anything in the world. I don’t understand him, he is totally 100% boy. He is everything I was scared he would be, but he is more too. I am his favorite person. He loves me no matter what. He is always ready with a kiss or a snuggle just for me. If I cough he pats my back. If he thinks I might be thirsty he brings me something to drink. His capacity to love & care for others blows me away. One minute he’s chunking a car across the room, the next he’s giving you a big hug. Now my biggest fear is losing him when he grows up & meets Mr. or Mrs. Right. Maybe it won’t be that bad. I’m thankful to have whatever time I get with him as my special guy & me as his special girl.

  4. by Jane

    On March 13, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Well the love of my life turned 11 months old today. He IS my world! 15 months ago when we were finding out gender, I wanted a girl so bad. So, so bad. But then the tech said, “And that, right there? That’s a penis!” I cried my eyes out!!! Happy tears! And a few months after that, this little boy captured my heart the moment my eyes gazed upon his gorgeous face. I love my son more than i ever have loved another. Someday he’ll grow up, leave home, start his own family. I pray he meets a woman that i can get along with, someone to treat him amazing, that makes him happy and keeps him close to home. Until then, I’m going to enjoy every second of every minute of regret every hour, every single day with my boy!! <3

  5. by Jill Cordes

    On March 21, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    Gals–your replies are all so amaazing! You have made both me and my friend weepy! And I agree now that I have snuggly little Em! Many thanks!