Penis Anger

He looks so innocent....don't let him fool you!

The penis is killing me. I will soon need anger management. I have followed the advice of other moms but I am still getting bathed in urine. As are my walls, Emmett’s body–even his face. Today it happened three times in a row. What am I doing wrong?

Here is what one mom wrote to me:

1. Open the front of his diaper for a few seconds to let the air hit his penis; the temperature change is usually what triggers the peeing;

2. Lay the front of the diaper back over him and wait a few seconds to see if he’s going to pee;

3. Proceed with diaper change.

I have not been peed on since I learned this trick over two years ago.


I have tried this trick. The problem is, I pull the diaper back, then wait a few seconds. I proceed with the change. And 8 times out of 10 I still get hit.

Emmett poops a ton. And I am still battling this diaper rash. It turned bacterial. I got prescription ointment. Added an anti-fungal ointment in there as well, by my own accord. It went away. But now it’s back.  I don’t want him to sit in the poop for even a few minutes, as that seems to be what made it come back, despite the 10-inch buffer of creams + aquafor + triple paste.

So he poops, I change. 10 minutes later he poops again. I change. This goes on for about 30-45 minutes and up to five diapers. Somewhere in there, we both get a golden shower. Maybe three.

At about 4 a.m. this morning, we had simultaneous poop-pee-barf. Yes, baptism by fire with a newborn. But with Fia I only really dealt with the barf/reflux. She didn’t poop 5 times in 30 minutes either.

I am going to look into a pee tent, but honestly, he wiggles so much, even a burp cloth doesn’t work. It would have to be a tent that you use in a circus to cover the whole area. Oh, but then I’d be under it and get sprayed anyway. I’m also trying to dry out his bum each time, which adds to the length of time we both become moving targets.

This morning I texted my husband. I told him I was sorry to break the news to him, but I may become a lesbian or a nun as I am beginning to hate the penis. He hasn’t written back. He’s probably too terrified to come home.

Now I’m off to swimming lessons with Fia. Where I won’t get peed on because a) the instructor is in the water with her not me; b) she wears a swim diaper; c) she has a vagina. Thank the lord!

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  1. by Sandy

    On February 22, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    I always placed a cloth diaper (one of those white, square, diaper-service, fold it yourself kinds) over my sons penis while I was changing his diaper. It was heavier than a burp cloth, so it didn’t fall off when he wiggled. Don’t waste your time with pee pee teepees.

  2. by Sherry

    On February 23, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Ha, this made me laugh!

  3. by Jane

    On February 23, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I always make a whistle sound when opening my son’s diaper, which prompts him to pee. Over time, he will develop the reflex that whenever I make that sound, he will know it’s peeing time.

  4. by Jane

    On February 23, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    BTW, I personally think 5 poops in 30 minutes is a little too often. Have you tried giving him prebiotics and / or probiotics that help with his intestinal tract?

  5. by Jane

    On February 23, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    5 poops in 30 minutes may be too much. Have you tried giving him prebiotics / probiotics that help with his intestinal tract?

  6. by Wendy

    On February 25, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Don’t waste your time with the teepee – it shoots right off. I have always covered my sons penis with a wipe as soon as I open the diaper (the extra thick wipes are a little heavier so may work even better). When he does pee while I’m changing him, the wipe makes it run down onto the diaper under him. That way all you have to clean is his butt and put another clean diaper under him.

  7. by Karyn

    On February 28, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    I always put a clean diaper under the dirty one before I started to change my sons diaper then I would lay a wipe on his penis clean him up remove the dirty diaper and quickly secure the clean one underneath closed, it stopped me getting peed on.

  8. by Amy

    On March 2, 2012 at 10:30 am

    He may be reacting to something in the diaper itself; there are a lot of chemicals in disposables that babies have allergic reactions to, which lead to the major rashes that bleed and require strong meds. I had this problem with both my babies. You may want to look into cloth diapers, that might help with the rash issue and having to air out his little bum so frequently.

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