Posts Tagged ‘ wedding ring ’

Giving Deliberate “I’m Married” Vibes, As Necessary

Sunday, October 7th, 2012

22 months.

Consciously attempting to give someone “I’m married” vibes is not something I am used to having to do.

After all, I have so forgettable of a face that even people who are “good with faces” have a hard time remembering meeting me the first time.

But a couple of months ago, there was I minding my own business at Starbucks during my lunch break, reading a book on how to read people, when a college-aged looking girl asked me to watch her laptop while she went to the restroom.

When she returned, with a deadpan delivery, I said something like, “Your laptop is still there, so I must have intimidated any potential laptop thieves.”

That was just my non-boring way of relieving my job duties now that she had returned. But maybe it sent a different message?

Barely a minute later, she dropped her pen, which happened to roll to my direction. So of course, I picked up it and handed it to her, barely even looking her in the eyes, as to make the favor as generic as possible.

Then she started asking questions, like if I was also a student. The thought of someone mistaking me for a 22 year-old caught me off guard. After all, when I turned 22, the year was 2003!

By this point, I knew officially that I needed to bring my left hand to my chin, as to flash my wedding ring to her like a Batman signal. To no avail.

The questions kept coming and she ended up asking me what I did for a living. Sure, I have a day job, but I felt it necessary to go  ahead and cut straight to the chase:

“I write a daily blog column for a magazine’s website. It’s called Parents magazine.”

From there, I was able to throw in a “my wife and I” in conjunction to my son.

Whew. It was a relief to finally make that message clear: I’m married.

I was caught off-guard that day. I didn’t want to let the mystery continue for any longer than it needed to. At the same time though, I didn’t want to be rude to the nice and seemingly innocent girl.

It’s a delicate balance of being both direct and subtle in a case like this.

Personally, I don’t expect this to happen again anytime soon. Who knows? Maybe when I’m 42, someone will think I’m 31.

And if that’s the case, I’ll do the classic “left hand to the chin” move, followed by a “my wife and I.”

If that doesn’t work, I think I’ll just pick up my phone and casually give my wife a call right then and there.

Being flattered by a curious stranger who thinks I’m single; well, it does me no good.

There’s nothing good that can come out of me allowing myself to think for a second, “Man, I still got it. This chick digs me.”

That’s one of the many reasons I wear my wedding ring; especially when my wife and son aren’t around.

It’s an instant reminder, as if I needed it, that I already have a beautiful girl who digs me, and I’ve been married to her for over 4 years.

These days, it’s not always enough to give “I’m married” vibes.

Sometimes you have to give the “I’m happily married” vibes instead.


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The Legend of the Happily Married Man

Friday, September 30th, 2011

Ten months.

I am the kind of person who will go to quirky extremes to accomplish a mission that I have set my heart upon. In the process, that may mean that I am seen as fanatic, arrogant, or simply removed from reality and relevance. This is because I believe that often in life, it’s the little things we take for granted that can ultimately throw everything off whack. So I pay very close attention to those seemingly insignificant details and live my life accordingly.

Therefore, I am not a husband who will ever be quoted as saying, “Well I can look at the menu, can’t I?” as a justification to “appreciate the beauty” of another woman. It’s one thing to acknowledge another woman is attractive when someone asks me, in general; but that’s not what I’m referring to.

I’m talking about being out at a public place, hanging out with other guys, and the conversation turns to the body of the 22 year old waitress.Or observing the way other male coworkers lose their focus every time the Jane Siegel of the office (a reference to the 2nd season of Mad Men) walks by. I simply refuse to contribute in those situations.I am a happily married man and that means something to me.

It means that I don’t need to try to answer any subconscious questions in regards to my ability to woo a woman other than my wife.It means I will respect the sanctity of my marriage and the integrity of my family; not letting my guard down, even on account of an innocent look or a thoughtless comment regarding another woman.

Why would I need to “look at the menu” when I’ve already got everything I want in my wife? Part of the positive re-branding of fatherhood involves a deliberate campaign to view every other woman simply as another woman- not an object of desire. A man I would aspire to be like is a man who respects his wife even when she’s not around. So that’s the kind of man I choose to be.

I wear a wedding ring. Therefore, that dominates the messages I send to other women. My conversations with them will accordingly be intertwined with mention of my wife and son; so that even if I didn’t have a wedding ring, the message would still be clear how much I value my marriage- and how not interested I am in looking at any other items on the menu.

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