Monday, February 10th, 2014
3 months, 2 months.
Something I will take pride in is teaching you how to dress appropriately. For example, when you want to impress (or intimidate) someone, wear a necktie.
My (secret) goal is to always “outdress” every other man in the room; particularly in the office. I blame it on the Italian in me.
However, there are certain times in life where that concept completely doesn’t matter at all. The most obvious exception is when you go to Walmart.
Son, you can pretty much wear whatever you want when we go there. I have found the culture there to be extremely accepting.
And that’s exactly what happened last weekend. As Mommy and I are preparing to buy a house later this year, we are prepping our current townhouse to rent. We needed to check out the selection on toilet seat covers- and on a rainy Saturday night, Walmart was the perfect place.
Oh, and of course, we let you have a 98 cent Hot Wheels car and an 88 cent container of bright blue Play-Doh.
With it being all rainy day, you had been in your PJs for most of it. So we figured, why make you change?
After all, considering there is a website called People Of Walmart, which functions as a collection of “the best of the worst dressed” who are secretly photographed by other customers, I figured no one would give you a second look if we carried you around in your doggie pajamas.
I was right. You fit right in.
No need to wear a necktie to Walmart, in other words. But even if you did, I still don’t think you’d get a second look from anyone.
Everyone is accepted just as they are at Walmart. There’s nothing pretentious about it.
Sometimes, that’s actually pretty refreshing.
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Friday, May 3rd, 2013
2 years, 5 months.
For the past two weeks on the way home from school, the two of us have been swinging by Walmart each day. Why?
Not because you, a nearly 2 and a half year-old boy, are zeroed in on finding a certain elusive toy, but because your 32 year-old dad is.
The exact toy I am referring to is none other than a $8.97 monster truck, exclusive to Walmart: The I-Screamer, which is an ice cream monster truck.
This basic $8.97 version is so elusive that I couldn’t even find a picture or video of him on the Internet. Oy vey!
As you know, Mater wrestles and defeats the I-Screamer in Mater’s Tall Tales.
I don’t want the big, fancy, action-packed version that costs 20 bucks or more. I just want the cheap one that is comparable in size to your favorite black one, that you carry my old Micro Machines in.
Working in the logistics side of the transportation industry, I know that most dry goods are moved out of the warehouses by the end of the month, to prepare for the new month.
So that means… the I-Screamer is waiting there in the back of the store right now; it’s just a matter of the new shipment being stocked on the shelves.
Therefore, you and I show up every single day, hoping that today is the day. In fact, today we went before and after I took you to school. No luck.
Not to mention, I’ve got your Nana, back in Alabama, as well as your friend Sophie’s mom, looking for the I-Screamer for us.
I’m trying to figure out why I’m so obsessed with getting myself, I mean, you, a monster ice cream truck that sort of resembles a crazy clown.
All I can think of is this: Back in high school, one of my favorite bands was The Smashing Pumpkins. The video for their song, “Today,” features the band driving around in an ice cream truck.
I even considered buying an old ice cream truck from one of my uncles, as my first car when I was 16. It didn’t end up actually happening, but I suppose I’ve never really let go of my love for ice cream trucks, and that was half my life ago.
Yeah, I’ve got issues.
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