Posts Tagged ‘ The Smurfs ’

My Toddler Son: The Would-be Nudist

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

17 months.

If it were up to my 17 month-old son, he would always be naked. Yes, Garden of Eden style; the way God originally intended.

Honestly, if it were up to me as opposed to common sense and sanitation concerns, I’d let him run around the house naked and free all the time.

I don’t blame him.

It is a joy to me to see the smile on his face when I do cut him a break and just let him run naked across the living room. So far, this has led to zero accidents.

Hey, I just want to see the boy be happy. In fact, I think it’s no coincidence that he never seems to be upset when he’s naked and not wet:

While he’s a bit bipolar when it comes to how he feels about bath time each night, the moment my wife dries him off, he gets giddy.

Because he’s naked and dry.

Assuming most toddlers feel the same way as my son, I imagine this ideal utopian society where toddlers get to work and live off the land; naked as they truly want to be.

The closest thing to this that I can think of is the Smurfs’ village, but even they saw a need for pants.

I assume the Smurfs at least tried in the beginning to be a nude ranch, but somehow a plot line involving Gargamel and his darned capitalist ways stopped them from reaching their true state of co-op nirvana with Grateful Dead serving as the constant soundtrack.

My kid is happy naked. He has no concerns about his nakedness. He’s not worried about how he looks nor does he compare himself to anyone.

That’s a young kid thing, I guess.

After all, if I as a 30 year-old man I went around admitting that I myself want to (or actually do) hang out naked whenever I’m in the privacy of my own house, it should be assumed that A) I’m weirder than most people thought and/or B) I am just simply living out the dream of a toddler.

Hey now… I said “if.”

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Nervous, Preoccupied and Spaced Out

Friday, November 5th, 2010

Thirty-nine weeks.

Today was my wife’s last doctor’s appointment before the due date (November 11th), which it just one week from today.  She is dilated one centimeter and effaced 50 percent.  However, the nurse told us today that it is common for first time moms to go a week past their due date.  But still, it could happen at any time.

For the past week now, I’ve noticed that I have been completely spaced out.  My mind is obviously preoccupied with knowing that our “Jack-in-the-box” could spring out any moment.  People have asked me if I’m getting nervous- to my surprise, the answer is yes.  I thought I was over that stage.  But the first time I got nervous, around a month ago, it was because of the realization I don’t really know what to do with a newborn baby.  Now that we’ve finished our Lamaze course, I’m much more confident on the basics of how to help care for Baby Jack.  The thing that makes me nervous now is knowing that I have to see my wife in pain and discomfort, for hours.  No matter how easy it could end up happening, it will still be difficult.

People have asked me if I think I will pass out during the delivery.  The answer: a simple “no”.  Blood and guts don’t bother me.  Besides, unlike the reality TV star of the moment Kody Brown (Sister Wives), I will not be on the “receiving end” while my wife is giving birth.  I don’t need to see his head coming out.  Instead, I will be holding my wife’s hand, or at least beside her, as he’s being born.

Speaking of blood and guts, my wife and I have come up with some exciting plans for the weekend- that way, even if our baby isn’t born in the next few days, at least we can be busy and entertained otherwise.  And we don’t have to just sit around getting anxious.  So either way, we win:  Saturday morning we have brunch plans with some friends- I’m very excited about the meatloaf and mashed potatoes at the place we’re going.  Then Saturday afternoon, my wife and her mom (who is in town for the next couple of weeks) will be getting a facial.  (I guess I’ll read a book during that time.)  Next, we will go to the matinee: I will see Saw 3D (finally explaining the “blood and guts” reference), while my wife and her mom see something a little more light-hearted, yet appropriate for the upcoming event: Life as We Know It.

That’s right- my mother-in-law got into town Sunday night and plans to be here through the end of the month.  If the audience of dad from day one was male, I would have to take a page to humorously explain that though my mother-in-law is living with us, it’s not a wacky, cliché sitcom sort of deal.  I can’t complain.  When I come home from work, dinner is already ready- as my wife has had help preparing it.  As well as the fact that her mom immediately takes care of the dishes afterwards.

People have asked me if I’m planning on taking off a while from work once the baby is born.  At this moment, I’m thinking I’ll take off just a couple of days.  Because fortunately, I won’t be leaving my wife alone- she will have her mom there with her until I get home.  We are very blessed that my mother-in-law has chosen to stay with us.

Those are my final thoughts as a man who has yet to see his son.  Everything is about to change.  Unless Baby Jack stays in past his due date, the next dad from day one will be “Baby Jack is Here!”  Pictures of him will be included, of course.

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:



This is our friend Nickie's baby, not ours. Did I fool ya?

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