Posts Tagged ‘ satire ’

Survey Predicts Vegetarian Families Won’t Eat Turkey This Thanksgiving

Thursday, November 15th, 2012

23 months.

Imagine gratefully sitting down at the table for a classic American Thanksgiving meal, only to notice the glorious turkey is nowhere in sight.

As strange as it sounds, a survey shows there are around 7 million Americans identifying as vegetarians; meaning this Thanksgiving they will intentionally pass on the traditional turkey, ham, and chicken-infused dressing.

If you happen to be in a room of 100 people right now, look around you: Statistics would predict that 3 of those people are vegetarians; meaning they choose not to eat meat.

Cue the Shell family from Nashville, Tennessee. Every time they walk into a room of 97 people, they become the token vegetarians.

How is it possible to have a Thanksgiving meal without any meat? Doesn’t that somehow defeat the purpose of the feast?

Nick Shell, father to 2 year-old Jack and husband to wife Jill, gives some insight on what will be on their Thanksgiving menu this year:

“We have this awesome recipe for vegetarian meat loaf. I know this sounds weird, but you make it with cottage cheese, bran flakes, French onion soup mix, chopped walnuts, and an onion. You mix it up in a big bowl then bake it in muffin tin in muffin form. It so believably tastes like real meat loaf, I often feel guilty when I eat it.”

While many of the Shell family’s daily typical meals are simple and based around whole wheat pasta, they plan to prepare some of their more special recipes for this Thanksgiving.

To accompany their “meat loaf,” they also plan to indulge in “baked spicy fries” and cucumber sandwiches on Jewish Rye bread. Of course, it goes without saying they will have a salad to start off their vegetarian Thanksgiving feast.

It sounds like the Shell family have their menu figured out for this year, but how would things be different if they were guests at someone else’s dinner instead?

“It’s actually not that big of a deal,” Nick explains. “When you live the extreme lifestyle of ‘no meat’ every day, you’re already accustomed to coming up with a Plan B. A lot of times, it becomes our responsibility to bring our Plan B with us to a dinner. We’ll volunteer to being a dish or two that we know will fill us, and that will also contribute to the meal as a whole, so others can enjoy it too.

For our son Jack, we seem to always be carrying out a bag of Cheerios and pouch of pureed veggies with fruit any time we drive him somewhere anyway. Or he can try what we’re having. So we really don’t have to worry about what to feed him; this lifestyle is all he knows. Even at his daycare, he’s used to being the only kid in class to have a separate vegetarian version of what the other kids are eating.”

But even with a fancy vegetarian selection, does a person truly enjoy their Thanksgiving as much as the other 97% of America? Nick shares his perspective on this:

“Honestly, I never really was a big fan of the Thanksgiving meal. For me, I always felt obligated to eat too much turkey and overcooked vegetables, becoming too lazy to escape whatever VH1 countdown was on TV. But now, as a vegetarian, I can be completely full, yet not feel bogged down. In fact, it’s becoming our tradition to go for a long walk after our Thanksgiving meal. Fresh air and sunlight are basically part of the menu too.”

Of course, vegetarians aren’t really limited when it comes to desserts. Sure, marshmallows and pudding are made from the skin and bones of pigs and cows; but other than that, a vegetarian can enjoy pumpkin pie, homemade cookies, and egg nog with the rest of the crowd.

However, if you are of the majority of America who will be eating turkey this Thanksgiving and the concept of a vegetarian Thanksgiving meal does not intrigue you, then there’s one more thing to be thankful for this year:

Be thankful you’re not a vegetarian.

To see the actual recipes of the menu items Nick Shell mentioned today, check out his Pinterest and click on his page called “Proven Vegetarian Recipes.” Then you can make your very own vegetarian meat loaf out of cottage cheese and bran flakes.


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New Parenting Studies Show Toddlers Like Cake and Candy

Saturday, November 10th, 2012

23 months.

Call it a trend. Call it a common trait of the children of Generation Y. Call it what you like:

Studies are consistently showing that when given the chance to eat cake or candy over vegetables, toddlers are choosing the sweets every time.

Nick Shell, a father of a 23-month-old son, expands on the phenomenon:

“With my son Jack’s 2nd birthday coming up next week, we received a large padded envelope from my sister-in-law in Pennsylvania. My son was so excited to open the package after hearing my wife and me tell him it was for his birthday,” Shell explains.

“It’s not that he was disappointed with his new outfit or his die cast metal Thomas the Train toy, but for about ten minutes after opening the package, he continued looking around the room for the cake he assumed came with the package too.”

Raising his son in a lifestyle of strict vegetarianism and avoidance of processed foods, even juice, the toddler boy had never really eaten candy up until last week at Halloween.

“We were so proud of Jack for eating his green beans after dinner last night that we rewarded him with some leftover Halloween M&M’s. After the first few, he kept resonding, ‘I try? I try again.’

Shell goes on to tell that after his son saw a package box of cake mix in the car ride home from the grocery store, his son Jack insisted of holding the box tightly to his chest.

Jack soon began crying when he opened the box to find there was not actually prepared cake inside, but instead only the cake mix.

Little Jack Shell is only one of many toddlers out there who has a slight obsession with sugary foods.

So the next time you hear of a toddler throwing a tantrum because they can’t have a Snickers bar at the grocery store check-out, don’t be surprised.

This sort of thing is happening a lot these days. It’s official:

Toddlers have a sweet tooth.

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