Posts Tagged ‘ potty training ’

Which Animals Don’t Have Tails? (I Had To Google It)

Sunday, January 19th, 2014

3 years, 2 months.

Disclaimer/incentive to read this: May contain unintentional potty humor of a 3 year-old.

Dear Jack,

On the way to school Friday morning, you broke about 5 minutes worth of silence to announce:

“Tigers have tails, so they don’t poop. And pandas, too. They have tails but they don’t really like to poop. But pandas are not bears.”

I should point out here that you weren’t trying to be funny… you were completely serious, not smiling at all. Your tone was very informative.

As I listened to you teach me about the bathroom preferences of animals, I began (privately) processing your logic.

I began thinking about how if pandas specifically don’t like to poop, does that mean other animals enjoy it?

Also, I tried to make a connection between having a tail and not pooping. Why would having a tail affect that?

I began wondering about the alternative- where would the food go that animals eat?

Does the tail serve as a bit of a trap door to keep it all in?

This thought process occurred during an intensive 8 second period, before I decided to ask you a follow-up question: 

What about fish?

“Fish have tails in the water, so they don’t poop,” you quickly answered.

For the first couple of hours of the day after I dropped you off at school, I was trying to think of animals that don’t have tails. No luck.

Finally, I Googled “animals that don’t have tails,” to find out the few exceptions to the rule.

Here’s the list of animals I found, according to the Internet, that don’t have tails:

Frogs (though they do when they are young), gorillas, apes, chimpanzees, orangutans, octopuses, clams, and starfish. Plus, certain spiders and insects; depending on a person’s definition of “animal.”

So if you rule out marine life, too, it’s pretty much certain primates that don’t have tails. I never realized so few animals, mammals in particular, have no tail.

Basically, your logic says that because humans don’t have tails, that’s why they poop.

In my 32 years on this planet, I’ve never thought how few animals have tails. I must thank you, Son, for bringing this to my attention. 

Of course, you’re using the “tail concept” to say that’s why most animals don’t poop.

If only you had a tail, potty training would be a lot easier… according to your logic, at least!



Love, Daddy 


Note: This is an opinion piece of the author (and his son) and does not reflect the scientific community. For example, panda bears really are bears; it’s red pandas that are not.


Photo Sources-

Young Sumatran Tiger Walking.

Giant Panda Bear In Tree.

Old Silverback Chimpanzee.

(Memes created by Nick Shell.)

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Potty Pride: “They Don’t Make Azteks Anymore”

Thursday, December 26th, 2013

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

As I was lying down on the floor in the aftermath of watching you open Christmas gifts, you announced to to the whole family that you needed to go potty.

You recruited your Uncle Andrew to accompany you to the half bathroom, which is basically connected to the living room, where everyone was.

Not only did you want him there for moral support, but you wanted the bathroom door open so the rest of us could be aware of all the excitement.

There you sat down on your training potty, with your face between your knees as you looked for… results.

Uncle Andrew sat across from you on the actual potty, seat down of course, as he acted as your coach.

Once you realized you were through doing the deed, you immediately looked up at him and proclaimed, “They don’t make Azteks anymore.”

You then added, “They don’t make Pontiacs anymore either.”

I’ve got two different theories on why you decided to announce what I’ve taught you about the demise of both Azteks and Pontiacs as we’ve sat in Nashville traffic everyday going to and from school.

One is that you were so deep in thought as were going potty, your brain focused on car facts to get you through it; to serve as a motivational distraction. Then, by the time you were done, you decided to share that news with Uncle Andrew.

The other theory, held by Uncle Andrew himself, is that in the likeness of a situation where two dudes try to change the subject after a seemingly akward shared experience, one says to the other, “How ’bout them 49ers (or other relevant sports team)? Heck of a game, heck of game.”

Either theory could be valid.

However, based on the look of your face as the training potty was being emptied into the big potty to be flushed, I think you were anything but ashamed.

That’s a look of potty pride, if I ever did see it.





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It’s All About Being A Big Boy, These Days

Saturday, December 21st, 2013

3 years, 1 months.

Dear Jack,

I’m officially aware now that if Mommy or I add the phrase “big boy” in front of just about anything, you’ll be interested in it. It’s similar to the way I’ve distanced myself from using the word “toddler” to reference you anymore, especially since you turned 3 last month.

In other words, you are doing away with all that baby stuff, because this is like your bar mitzvah of Big Boyhood.

For example, I’ve noticed that in recent photo collages I’ve been making, I typically include a shot of the men’s restroom sign, to signify that you went potty there… and didn’t get your “big boy underwear” wet.

It’s like my way of documenting The Great Potty Tour of 2013/2014.

I was thinking about this the whole time you were at the dentist, when I took you earlier this week. I was so impressed by the way you just went with the flow, despite it being potentially intimidating to a 3 year-old.

Granted, the huge fish tank, the multiple horsie rides, and the arcade room surely helped distract you in a good way.

It was very rewarding for me as a parent to sit back and watch you at the dentist, seeing that you clearly wanted to show me how brave you are.

When I was your age, I was more afraid of new things. But you, you’re different.

You have a level of self-confidence I don’t remember having until after I survived 6th grade. In other words, I was probably about 13 before I had the chutzpah you already have.

So basically, you’re ahead of me by about 10 years.

Ideally, in theory, you could be where I am now, maturity-wise, by the time you’re 22; I’m 32 now.

That’s my goal for you, in a way. I’m doing my best to raise you to have more maturity, life skills, knowledge, charisma, and humility than I had at whatever age you are now.

So far, it’s working…





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We Saw The Radio City Christmas Spectacular Starring The Rockettes!

Tuesday, December 10th, 2013

3 years. 

Dear Jack,

As much as I would love to take you to your first movie in a theatre, I still don’t believe the time is right.

However, you proved to officially be ready to see The Radio City Christmas Spectacular starring The Rockettes, at The Grand Ole Opry here in Nashville.

Turns out, our friends at GoGo Squeez arranged for our family to go see the show. (After all, by now you’re sort of a poster child for them- considering typically anytime I take a picture of you eating a meal, there’s always a GoGo Squeez pouch visible in the shot.)

Leading up to us going, though, I just wasn’t positive you’d have the attention span to sit still long enough for us to stay the whole time, no matter how “spectacular” the event was. I gave you 30 minutes, tops. Fortunately, my doubts proved to be wrong.

And might I say, not only did you last the entire 2 hour show, but you showed off your potty training skills as well. For the 25 minute drive there from our house and back were no problems. There was a 15 minute intermission during the show- Mommy just took you to go potty and everything went well.

Seriously, I can’t get over how cool it is that you’re like… serious about not wearing diapers anymore. Wow. It’s like the end of an era.

Not that either of us will miss diapers!

During the show, you were pretty much glued to the screen, I mean stage.

I asked you afterwards what your favorite part of the show was; you quickly responded, “The bears!” I’m still trying to figure out what’s going through your head regarding what appeared to be a stage full of dancing, mutant bears… pandas included.

Your jaw dropped when you saw them during the Santa’s Workshop scene.

And you loved the live camels during the Living Nativity. As well as the 3D snowball fight. Not to mention, Santa Claus himself.

There was one part where the stage was filled with doznes of Santas, but you recognized right away that the “real” Santa had disappeared. During the whole song, you were quite distraught: “Where’d the big Santa go? Is he coming back?”

I also laughed out loud when the The Living Nativity scene began, after you saw the camels, recognizing the scene from your children’s Bible that Mommy reads you at bed time, you shouted out with excitement, “Is Jesus coming?!”

Our family had so much fun. With all the running around we usually have to do on the weekends for errands that we don’t have time for on the weekdays, it feels like we seldom get to take time just to go out and simply do something fun for our family.

For me, it was a proud family moment and activity. Plus, even though I moved to Nashville 8 years ago, it was my first time to go to the Grand Ole Opry! (What a shame that it took this long, huh?)

And again, it confirms for me: You can handle the travel to and from an event like this, at age 3, sans the diapers.

This parenting thing is starting to really get fun these days.





Disclaimer: The Radio City Christmas Spectacular mentioned in this story was provided courtesy of GoGo Squeez.

Photo credit for “on stage” photos: MSG Entertainment.


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Rosemary Christmas Tree Shoppin’ With The Easter Bunny

Monday, December 9th, 2013

3 years.

Dear Jack,

With Christmas being about two weeks away, Mommy and I decided it was time we should get a Christmas tree for our family. So we did what I assume most American families were doing yesterday afternoon- we drove over to Lowe’s to find the cheapest option on the clearance rack.

It wasn’t until we had already got there that I realized you had brought your giant Easter Bunny with you.

Seriously, how did you get that thing past me? I honestly didn’t even notice. And evidently Mommy wasn’t too thrown off by it either because I never heard her bring it up in conversation.

Okay, I think I actually need to meditate on that fact for a minute… Somehow, you got the idea that it would be logical, appropriate, and/or helpful to bring a giant yellow Easter Bunnythat is nearly as big as you are.

And most importantly, I didn’t even notice.

As for me, that could be the end of this story, because that is pretty awesome.

We ended up finding a nice Rosemary tree, 15 inches tall, for $3.75. When the manager noticed that we were interested, he gave us a proposal:

“Would your family like two trees this year? I’ll sell them to you for $1.50 each?”

I suppose he was making a proactive effort to clear the shelf space, so I didn’t hesitate to accept his offer.

As I was loading them both in our car to head back home, you announced urgently, “I need to go potty!”

Mommy took over loading the trees while I ran you to the restroom inside Lowe’s, chanting this mantra to you the whole time: “Jack, keep holdin’ it, keep holdin’ it! Don’t go yet!”

You thought it was funny. What I didn’t realize is that apparently you have much greater bladder control than I give you credit for.

Needless to say, you didn’t get your “big boy underwear” wet. With my assitance, you went in the big potty in the Lowe’s restroom.

While that may not seem like so big of a deal, it does mark the first time that I’ve ever been the one to take you potty in public, since you started wearing your big boy underwear.

It was pretty cool for me to be a part of.

Well, what can I say? Our family bought two Rosemary (Christmas) trees:

One for the living room and one for the kitchen counter. Because that’s normal.

And the Easter Bunny helped.




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