Thursday, May 3rd, 2012
Number 1 clipper guard on the sides and back, blended into about one inch long on the top. That’s pretty much the official “dad haircut” these days.
There’s just something about springtime that innately causes a man to go get a haircut.
After an airplane flew over my son’s daycare two weeks ago pulling a giant banner advertising $6.99 haircuts at Great Clips, I figured I should take it as a divine intervention. So I went and did the deed.
I normally don’t go as short as a #1 guard, but as part of my lifelong project to find the perfect men’s haircut, I decided to go pretty short this time.
Over that weekend, I thought about how when I returned to work that everyone would give me a hard time about me looking like I joined the Marines or at least that I was trying to impersonate Adam Levine from Maroon 5.
See, that’s the thing about men and our own haircuts:
We don’t exactly know what we’re supposed to do; often fearing our next haircut will make us look like a member of Color Me Badd if we don’t know exactly what to tell the barber or lady holding the clippers.
Personally for me, it’s not the kind of thing I feel comfortable asking other men about nor do I want to spend a lot of time thinking about.
I just want something that it is easy, cheap, extremely low maintenance, masculine, and looks good on a guy who may or may not be aware of the fact that his forehead is getting slightly bigger every year.
And interestingly, there’s not a whole lot of realistic advice when you Google “men’s hairstyles.” Most of the websites that pull up are either booby-trapped with spam or are designed for metrosexuals and/or inspiring emo rockers.
So today I’m making it official. This is the American Dad haircut: Number 1 clipper guard on the sides and back blended into about one inch long on top.
It’s just long enough on top to put in a little Publix brand pomade to give that perfect balance of “almost messy” and “too long to spike.” Yet it’s short enough on the back and sides to bring to mind a military image.
Turns out, a lot of people at work complimented me on my new haircut. Here’s the funny thing:
I work almost entirely with other men; most of whom are dads in their late 20′s to late 30′s, who have a similar version of the haircut.
The positive reinforcement came mainly in the form of “Looking’ sharp, Nick” or “Nice haircut… what is that, a #1 guard?”
The way I see it, I would rather receive approval on a haircut from other dads and grown men, as opposed to women. Because it’s uncommon in our society for a heterosexual man to admit that another heterosexual man is handsome. It’s a rare feat.
So if I can get Big Kenny, with his Type A personality and thick New Hampshire accent to go through the trouble to say, “Look at you, Mr. Hot Rod,” I’m going to have to believe that I finally found the perfect default haircut.
Even if by writing this, I’m breaking Man Law because men aren’t supposed to talk this much about their hair, I think it’s about time someone finally revealed the Official Modern American Dad Haircut of 2012.
Actually, I think I basically stole the hairstyle from my son.
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