Wednesday, October 2nd, 2013
2 years, 10 months.
I haven’t been brave enough to take you to the mall since the first time Mommy and I tried well over a year ago.
It was such a test of my patience then, that I remember making some sort of declaration to Mommy afterwards, like, “We are never doing this again!”
But hey, you’re nearly 3 years old now, I was up for the challenge again last weekend.
I just wanted to make sure that none of us would become physically exhausted from the trek through the huge Opry Mills mall in Nashville.
You’re definitely too tall and heavy now for Mommy or me to carry you around that far and for that long.
And the thought of you holding our hands in the midst of all those people, while we tried to shop for clothes, just sounded impossible.
So I had to ask myself, is it okay to take our jogging stroller to the mall? It’s the only stroller we have now and it made more sense than the Radio Flyer wagon.
The answer: most definitely.
It was so practical, like my Honda Element. I was able to stuff our purchased items under your seat as we rolled from store to store.
The tires made for a nice smooth ride as we politely swerved our way through the slow moving traffic and outspoken salespeople in the middle aisles, saying to us, “Excuse me, sir. May I ask you just one question?”
So let me explain why you’re wearing a bear hat in these pictures, by the way.
As you watched Mommy and me update our wardrobes at the Gap Outlet, you found a bear hat that you felt would be a great asset for your wardrobe as well.
And because you behaved so well during our mall trip, and allowed us to get our shopping done without any major issues, letting you have a random bear hat was no problem.
You got it.
In fact, you loved your new bear hat so much, that you insisted on wearing it not only to Target the next day, but to church as well.
I loved seeing the looks on the faces of other parents who instantly laughed to themselves once they saw you in your bear hat. It was as if to say, “A young boy in a bear hat, for no apparent reason. I get it… I like it.”
Our family mall trip was a success. The jogging stroller was a good idea.
And out of the deal, you got a random bear hat, that you love to wear out in public but privately treat as a pet bear.
Just another normal story in parenting…
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Monday, September 17th, 2012
So maybe the “In Theaters March 2013″ part is just wishful thinking. Hey, I’ll settle for straight-to-DVD.
It’s not easy reuniting your toddler with his two best friends from daycare for weekend plans. You’re dealing with three different napping schedules… enough said.
The plan was for Jack, Henry, and Sophie to hang out at a park playground, but then a random thunderstorm showed up.
By 3:45 on a Sunday afternoon, it was difficult to justify paying to get into one of those indoor playgrounds, knowing we would all just need to get our kids home for dinner after about an hour and a half anyway.
So by default, the mall became our play date destination.
I admit, I really had no expectations on how things would go. I mean, normally, I would have low expectations in regards to meeting fellow parents and their kids at a place I haven’t really tried out myself.
Turns out, it was a good gamble. Our German-looking kids found plenty of activities to keep themselves entertained.
All we had to do was follow them around and keep up with them like a camera crew on any given TLC reality show.
The more we chased them, though, the less necessary I felt. I don’t mean that in a sad way, though.
Instead, I could easily imagine it like some straight-to-DVD movie about three toddlers who take over the mall after hours.
Like all those goofy Air Bud movies, the toddlers would have computer-animated mouths and they would talk like adults.
So it would sort of be like Look Who’s Talking meets Air Bud if Air Bud revolved around toddlers instead of athletic dogs.
I suppose the plot line would involve a kooky Croatian villain named Mr. Stincovic who coincidentally happens to sneak into the mall at the same time in order to sabotage Santa’s upcoming visit the next day, by bringing in potato sacks full of skunks.
Does that sound lame enough for a straight-to-DVD kids movie? It doesn’t take much.
In the likeness of Home Alone, the three toddlers would use the mall itself to torture Mr. Stincovic with booby trapped obstacles:
They would pour out Dippin’ Dots in a trail leading from the food court to the carousel, which happens to be running at all times, unmanned.
Once Mr. Stincovic, who goes by “Mr. Stinky” for short, as if the pun wasn’t obvious enough for 4 year-old viewers, lands conveniently on the carousel horse, Henry would pull the lever from “slow” to “turbo power,” causing Mr. Stinky to fly up into the rafters.
There, Mr. Stinky is pestered by a dozen remote controlled mini-helicopters until either A) the police arrive or B) he decides not to sabotage Santa’s visit, but instead becomes an elf, as Mr. Stinky learns the true meaning of Christmas.
So yeah, that’s pretty much what Mall Toddlers would consist of. You would be able to find it the very bottom selection of DVD’s on the Redbox panel screen.
Or instead of waiting for the anticipated world-wide release of Mall Toddlers, you could just check out some more pictures of when Jack, Henry, and Sophie took over the mall. Click here to check them out on The Dadabase‘s Facebook wall.
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