Posts Tagged ‘ life and death ’

Would You Actually Remember Me At This Point?

Friday, September 20th, 2013

2 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

I would like to believe that I will grow old with you. That’s definitely my goal.

But something I am forcing myself to think about is… what if I didn’t? What if right now, something happened to me?

Would you actually remember me at this point in your life?

Would you read these near daily letters I’ve written to you and simply think about how you sort of remember me?

Or is there any possiblity that our memories together have stuck with you enough that I’ll always be a part of you, without any visual prompts needed?

It’s a strange and sad thought for me because my life is consumed by you. I remember everything we do and say together.

What if you only had these letters to go by to know who I was? Have I been thorough and open enough so that you would know who I really am and what mattered to me?

And if not, what would I want you to know?

I hope it would be obvious that I loved you and Mommy more than anything; that my world would fall apart without either of you in it.

I hope you would be able to see that my faith in God was what my relationship with you and Mommy was built on, despite my shortcomings which often reveal themselves in these letters.

I hope there would be no question that I was an eccentric man who lived an interesting life. It matters to me that you know this about me, because I wish the same for you.

Well, I’m sure I could go on and on about what I would want you to know about me, about yourself at this age, and about life itself.

But again, I plan to be around a very long time. So if I get my wish, there will be plenty of more letters to write you in these decades to come. I’ll tell you all about it.

I love you.




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The Kind Of Old Man I’m Wanting To Become

Friday, August 23rd, 2013

2 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack,

I’ve learned in life that it’s dangerous to assume I’m right, about anything, because it seems that the people who are often wrong are typically convinced they are always right.

Over the past couple years especially, since you’ve been around, I’ve mellowed out, in a good way.

It’s true that becoming a parent makes you a better, stronger, less selfish, more mature person.

Ultimately, it comes down to reminding myself to put you and Mommy before myself, as I’ve mentioned before.

That requires me to be constantly open-minded and always assuming that my own ego could be slowing down the family train. (Or carousel, as the picture implies.)

I believe those requirements will help make me the old man I’m planning to become.

Yes, I know, I’m only 32.

But I want to be very deliberate about the future old man version of me.

After all, I do plan to live a long life, keeping up with you and Mommy.

When I’m old, no matter how old I get, until I eventually (and hopefully) just die in my sleep at the end of a good long life, I want to be a man who others still find refreshing, entertaining, giving, optimistic, and yes, open-minded.

In other words, I don’t want to be stuck in my ways, muttering about the good ole days and complaining about how the younger generations are messing everything up.

I don’t want to wind up a cliche. And the stereotype of a crotchety old man is one that a lot of people are familiar with.

That’s why, now, in the past (assuming you are reading this many years from now) I want to be living with the right mindset; one that will carry on into the next 50 years or so.

This infographic does a great job on summing it up. I can see who I used to be (having the scarcity mindset) compared to who I am becoming (adopting the abundance consciousness).

As I read through the attributes of both, it makes me think about a Jason Mraz song called  ”Live High.”

Here’s an excerpt:

“I try to picture the man to always have an open hand
See him as a giving tree, see him as matter
Matter of fact he’s not a beast
No, not the devil either, always a good deed doer
Well, it’s laughter that we’re makin’ after all

The call of the wild is still in order nationwide
In the order of the primates all our politics are too late
Oh my, the congregation in my mind
Is an assembly selling gratitude and practicing their lovin’ for you”

Son, I’m sorry if this all seems a bit random today. If nothing else, know that being your dad means there’s a lot of psychological stuff I’m forced to reckon with. I am now far from the 2010 version of myself, from before you were born.

I can’t be your dad and not be changed by the process. For better or worse. I choose better.





Infographic credit: Chris Record.

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