Posts Tagged ‘ having a 2nd child ’

Why Dad Feels Anxious About The Thought Of A 2nd Child

Sunday, May 5th, 2013

2 years, 5 months.

Disclaimer: Contains potentially confusing viewpoints that may be exclusive to the male mindset.

Dear Jack,

The main reason I feel anxious about the thought of having another child is not the financial aspect, or even the fact we only have a 2 bedroom townhouse; it’s knowing that I would be placed in that frustrating position again of not knowing what to do on a daily basis.

Sure, I’d know more of what I was doing the 2nd time around, but it would also be on top of taking care of you too; though you demand less attention than you did when you were a baby.

To see me in my worst element is to see me in a high pressure, reoccurring situation where I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. For me, that was the first 15 months of your life; back when you wouldn’t let me take care of you without Mommy being in the same room.

Therefore, I couldn’t feel like I was leading our family, and it made me feel horrible about myself.

Just to be clear, I don’t mind high pressure at all. In fact, I like the challenge of it; given that I’ve been well trained on the subject.

It’s no secret: I find my self-worth not in how others see me, but in how I see myself. If I don’t feel in control, or at least that I know what my role is, I sort of feel worthless.

Now that you’re well beyond the age of 15 months, in fact, days away from being double that, my frustrating days of flat-out not knowing what to do in regards to being a dad are mostly a thing of the past; back in the year 2011.

As for modern day life, I know my role now; every minute of the day, and I love it!

In addition to being your official chauffeur, bedtime singer, protector from monsters… I also am the official dishwasher, bathroom cleaner, garbage man, vacuumer, relationship mediator, and the parent juggling two jobs outside of home life.

Every night, after our family eats dinner, I know that once Mommy takes you upstairs for your bath, I am going to immediately start washing and drying all the dishes, then wipe off the counter, and vacuum; just in time to go upstairs and sing your final bedtime song.

While it would be really nice to just chill out after dinner instead of doing housework, I don’t even mind. The reason: Because it sure beats the heck out of those first 15 months when I didn’t know my role.

As your dad, who is wired to fix problems and lead others, it’s very challenging for me to… I’m trying to think of a way to say this without using the PG version slang word…

I like to be driving the motorcycle, not riding in the sidecar.

(Watch the movie¬†Garden State, when you’re older,¬†to fully understand the reference. “Sidecars are for…”.)

What I am saying is that right now, I don’t feel like I’m riding in the sidecar. I feel like our life is predictable enough now where I don’t taste the chaos in the air anymore.

I love having this peace in my head; not dwelling on my inabilities to successfully figure out what exactly I’m supposed to do every single second. I love knowing what to do.

Ah, if and when the time comes for a 2nd child, I fear losing that again.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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Of All The Siblings Who Never Existed

Friday, December 7th, 2012

2 years.

Dear Jack,

There’s the near daily discussion between Mommy and I about the possibility, in the future, at least a year from now, of us possibly trying to have another baby. Yes, that would mean a younger brother or sister for you.

We can easily think of good reasons we would want you to be an only child. We can also easily think of good reasons for you to have a sibling.

As far as why you should have a sibling, there’s one weird reason that keeps popping up in my head; one that Mommy has never mentioned.

So I guess I have to file it in the “Daddy’s Deep Thoughts” folder. Here it is:

I think about all the potential siblings who would never be born if we just stopped with you.

It just seems weird to only have one more. Why not two more? Why not five? Why not ten?

At some point for financial, logistical, and other practical reasons, that “one more kid” finally becomes one too many.

How am I supposed to know who the final little brother or sister is supposed to be?

Half of me is wired like Jim Bob Duggar, while the other half is wired like every parent in the history of the world who was content with their decision to only have one child.

I mean, to a certain degree, God leaves it up to Mommy and I to decide how many more lives to bring into the existence of this world.

Really? God is okay with my input in that decision?

No matter how many (or few!) brothers or sisters you end up having, or not having at all, much of that responsibility falls on your parents.

We have less than a decade to decide…for us, for you, and for all the siblings who will never exist.

 

Love,

Daddy

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