Posts Tagged ‘ funny ’

Must Be Able To Crawl Through Small, Tight Spaces

Tuesday, May 6th, 2014

3 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again:

You’re a much more daring little boy than I was at 3 years old; 30 years ago back in 1984.

Last week while test driving a Lexus IS-F for my other writing gig, you and I discovered a passageway that connects the trunk to the back set.

It’s a very small passageway, barely big enough for me to fit my head through.

We had just gotten home from school and you wanted to play in the car while Mommy started dinner.

With you in the trunk while the trunk door was open, I walked over to back seat passageway to look at you from the other side.

But in the 5 seconds it took me to get there, you had already decided to see if you could fit through the hole, and sure enough, you did. You squeezed through!

There you were, so proud of yourself for being my little proactive spelunker.

I admit, I find it quite impressive. That’s a good skill to have, right?

We learned a few days later that Mommy’s Honda Accord, as well as the Hyundai Azera we’re driving this week, have similar passageways.

(I wonder if other little 3 year-olds across America have discovered this cool trick too?)

Like a Parrothead enjoying touring all the Margaritavilles in the world, you are now making a hobby out of crawling through various car trunks to the back seat.

I’ve been supervising the whole thing each day for the past week as I let you play in the car until dinner time.

That’s what dads are for, right? It’s part of my job description to help lead you to these adventures, also known as dadventures.

There are just some things you’re going to exclusively discover and experience thanks to your daddy. This is probably one of them.

 

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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Daddy, How Do You Grow Up?

Saturday, May 3rd, 2014

3 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

There are some questions, as your dad, I can just not be prepared for.

On the way home from school last week, you asked a very logical question:

“Daddy, how do you grow up?”

While you’re still fuzzy on my actual age (you think I’m 4 years old), you do understand that eventually, you’ll grow up to be as tall as I am.

So I answered your question the way any dad would in that situation:

“Well, you just have to keep going to sleep every night… and each morning when you wake up, you’ll be just a little bit bigger.”

What’s interesting about the timing of your question is that we just happened to be driving one of the smallest cars on the road:

I was doing a review of the 2014 Fiat 500 at the time.

Maybe that’s what made you think of it; you were feeling so big in such a small car.

The questions have continued since then.

A few days later as I was helping you put on your shoes before we left for school, you asked, “Daddy, will these shoes get bigger when I grow up?”

I wish.

I can see you’re definitely fascinated by the process of physically growing bigger. In hindsight, I really don’t know that I could have answered your original question any better than I did.

Without getting all scientific, I think it really is that simple.

You go to sleep, you wake up, you’re a little bit bigger the next day.

I’m assuming my answer was best suited for a 3 year-old little boy like yourself.

Since then, I’ve heard you proudly explain to Mommy that the more you go to sleep at night, the sooner you’ll grow up.

It may be a coincidence, but I feel like here recently, you’ve put up less of a fight when it’s time for a nap or bedtime.

Hmm… I wonder why.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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Daddy, I Like The Dinosaurs That Don’t Have Gas

Friday, May 2nd, 2014

3 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

I know it’s easy to forget this fact about your dad, but I do actually have a full-time job in HR at a trucking company called Paschall Truck Lines. It just so happens that my company was responsible for shipping the dinosaurs for the DinoTrek exhibits currently being featured in zoos across America.

Last Saturday, Mommy and I took you to go check them out in action at the Nashville Zoo just a few miles down the road from our house.

Though you knew up front they weren’t real dinosaurs, you still treated them with reverence.

You did have the nerve to pet the dinosaurs with me, despite the fact you saw the way they moved their giant mouths and you heard the way they roared at us.

A couple of the dinosaurs even spit water out of their mouths at us. (You spit back at them.)

Some of the “scarier” dinosaurs had machines behind them that caused fog to appear as we approached them.

After we finished our dinosaur tour, you expressed to me, “Daddy, I like the dinosaurs that don’t have gas.”

We had so much fun seeing the dinosaurs, you and I actually went back the next day to visit them again.

Not to mention, you’ve been telling your teachers and friends at school about them all week.

Yesterday on the way home from school, you told me, “Daddy, can we dig up some dinosaur bones? Maybe if can find some, we can turn them into real dinosaurs again.”

Until there’s a real Jurassic Park, our best shot of seeing resurrected dinosaurs is the DinoTrek exhibit at the zoo.

Sorry, Son.

I would love to ride a stegosaurus with you, if I could. Maybe in Heaven, who knows?

And if they have dinosaurs up there, I bet they don’t “have gas.”

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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To See My Child Brighten Someone’s Day, It Makes Me Proud

Thursday, May 1st, 2014

3 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

This morning you were so excited to take your pet dog, Chi-chi, to school. He (or is it she?) has an “on” switch which causes it to walk across the floor and bark/chirp. It’s pretty hilarious.

But since you and your friends are 3 and a half, it’s pretty much as awesome as me finding out yesterday why “A113″ shows up in nearly every Disney/Pixar movie.

You were so eager to show Chi-Chi to your friends, I was actually a bit surprised. I feared that you might freak out as a mob of your classmates would begin going crazy for your toy.

I thought it would bother you. I thought you might quickly get possessive.

That’s not at all what happened. Instead, I saw the look on your face as 7 or 8 of your friends all circled around you in amazement of your toy.

Never was there a sign of concern as Chi-Chi (and ultimately, you) were the hit of the party.

I saw joy in your eyes as you witnessed your friends playing with and passing around the toy you brought to share with them.

You brightened their day. That made you happy.

And it made me happy too.

When we got home, I saw on Facebook that my friend Holly, from college, had messaged me:

Nick, i just had to let you know that of all the compliments I received on my pink hair picture, your son requesting a second viewing makes me feel the coolest. Hope you’re doing well!

A few days ago, Holly had posted this new picture of herself with some temporary pink hair dye. (Being half-Norwegian and half-Swedish, her hair is normally light blonde.)

You caught a glimpse of the picture on my laptop as I was scrolling through Facebook and were pretty fascinated by this seemingly magical girl with the pink hair. I let Holly know that:

“My son Jack likes your hair so much, he just asked to see your picture again!”
Of the 20-something comments and 70-something “likes” she received from that picture, your comment made her feel the coolest. Enough for her to take the time to let me know, several days later.
And if you can believe it, the fact that you made her day by asking to see her picture a 2nd time… well, it made my day.
Twice in the same couple of hours, I saw first-hand how you simply brightened other people’s days.
It makes me so proud that you are such a sweet boy. I don’t think I was that caring and giving when I was your age.
Yeah, you make me proud.
Love,
Daddy

 

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My Son Thinks Our Car Windows Are Voice-Activated

Monday, April 21st, 2014

3 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

Because I also write reviews for cars on the side with my personal blog, that means sometimes for months at a time, we get a brand-new vehicle each week to test-drive as a family.

With that being said, this past week we have been ridin’ dirty in a 2014 Toyota Tacoma.

This truck is the first vehicle you’ve ever been in where you can reach the power window buttons.

To a 3 year-old boy, that’s a really big deal!

For weeks prior, on the drive to school, I have been hearing you grunt and strain for several minutes, then proclaim:

“Daddy… I can’t… reach… the button. I can’t reach it, Daddy.”

But finally, this past week in the truck, I heard you announce, “Hey Daddy! I can reach it!”

Immediately, the power window started coming down.

For the past several days now, we’ve had to drive to and from school with your window down. You love to feel the air move through your fingers. It’s like the coolest thing ever to you.

This morning it was pretty chilly, so I turned the heat on full blast in order to counter the cold air coming in from your window.

You then saw my window go down as well, which prompted an amazed response:

“Hey Daddy! Your window moves by itself?!”

I realized you didn’t see that I had pressed the button, so I decided to have some fun with you.

“Jack, do want the window beside you to go down? You have to tell it to.”

You hesitated, only for a moment. You turned to the driver’s side back passenger window and spoke with authority:

“Window, go down!”

And it did.

“Hey Daddy, I made it go down! It listened!”

A few minutes later, the two remaining windows were down, thanks to your voice-activation.

Yeah, so I have a feeling from now on, with each different car we ride in, I’m going to be hearing you “voice-activate” the power windows.

It’s too much fun to let you know it’s really just me controlling them all from the driver’s seat.

 

Love,

Daddy

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