Posts Tagged ‘ funny story ’

Mommy, I Don’t Taste Chocolate In My Ravioli…

Tuesday, March 4th, 2014

3 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

Yesterday Mommy prepared some vegan ravioli for you for dinner.

It was a bit of an experiment, since you usually get cheese in your ravioli. But this time, it was vegetables and garlic instead- no cheese.

Mommy and I were both curious to see how you would react to veggie version… 

You have this habit, like most 3 year-olds, I assume, of trying to negotiate how little “real food” you have to eat, so that you can end your meal with some kind of treat.

As Mommy placed the ravioli on your plate, she jokingly mentioned that there was chocolate inside the ravioli.

It was amazing how we didn’t have to keep prompting to eat your dinner. For 20 minutes, you ate your ravioli with no complaints.

Then finally, you politely observed, “Mommy, I don’t taste chocolate in my ravioli…”. 

Mommy and I immediately burst out in laughter. We realized at that moment, you didn’t understand Mommy was joking when she mentioned that there was chocolate in them…

You were so eager to eat chocolate for dinner, that you kept eating the veggie raviolis in hopes that you would discover some hidden chunks of chocolate to make it worth your while.

Even funnier is that you would willingly eat vegetables mixed with chocolate, if it meant you got to eat chocolate. As for me, at least, I would want them separate.

Not you. For you, chocolate is chocolate.

While the story doesn’t end with you getting chocolate chunks in your ravioli, it does end with you getting chocolate almond milk, as well as, some vegan gummy bears.

You were happy and so were your parents.

Plus, Mommy and I were happy because we got you to eat veggie-stuffed ravioli without any complaints.

If only this plan were repeatable…

 

Love,

Daddy

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Which Animals Don’t Have Tails? (I Had To Google It)

Sunday, January 19th, 2014

3 years, 2 months.

Disclaimer/incentive to read this: May contain unintentional potty humor of a 3 year-old.

Dear Jack,

On the way to school Friday morning, you broke about 5 minutes worth of silence to announce:

“Tigers have tails, so they don’t poop. And pandas, too. They have tails but they don’t really like to poop. But pandas are not bears.”

I should point out here that you weren’t trying to be funny… you were completely serious, not smiling at all. Your tone was very informative.

As I listened to you teach me about the bathroom preferences of animals, I began (privately) processing your logic.

I began thinking about how if pandas specifically don’t like to poop, does that mean other animals enjoy it?

Also, I tried to make a connection between having a tail and not pooping. Why would having a tail affect that?

I began wondering about the alternative- where would the food go that animals eat?

Does the tail serve as a bit of a trap door to keep it all in?

This thought process occurred during an intensive 8 second period, before I decided to ask you a follow-up question: 

What about fish?

“Fish have tails in the water, so they don’t poop,” you quickly answered.

For the first couple of hours of the day after I dropped you off at school, I was trying to think of animals that don’t have tails. No luck.

Finally, I Googled “animals that don’t have tails,” to find out the few exceptions to the rule.

Here’s the list of animals I found, according to the Internet, that don’t have tails:

Frogs (though they do when they are young), gorillas, apes, chimpanzees, orangutans, octopuses, clams, and starfish. Plus, certain spiders and insects; depending on a person’s definition of “animal.”

So if you rule out marine life, too, it’s pretty much certain primates that don’t have tails. I never realized so few animals, mammals in particular, have no tail.

Basically, your logic says that because humans don’t have tails, that’s why they poop.

In my 32 years on this planet, I’ve never thought how few animals have tails. I must thank you, Son, for bringing this to my attention. 

Of course, you’re using the “tail concept” to say that’s why most animals don’t poop.

If only you had a tail, potty training would be a lot easier… according to your logic, at least!

 

 

Love, Daddy 

 

Note: This is an opinion piece of the author (and his son) and does not reflect the scientific community. For example, panda bears really are bears; it’s red pandas that are not.

 

Photo Sources- Shutterstock.com:

Young Sumatran Tiger Walking.

Giant Panda Bear In Tree.

Old Silverback Chimpanzee.

(Memes created by Nick Shell.)

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Daddy, Does My Name Have A “5″ In It?

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

3 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

This is the third letter in a row I’ve written you that simply tells about some of the accidentally hilarious things you have said here recently.

It’s easy material for me, I have to be honest. I’m not making this stuff up… you are.

I mean, you’re asking good questions. In fact, I probably asked my dad similar questions when I was three.

At some point, someone had to set me straight on these facts. For you, this is beginning to be that point.

A few days ago on the drive home from school, you asked, “Daddy, does my name have a ’5′ in it?”

I explained to you that our names have letters in them, but not numbers.

So you immediately followed up with, “Daddy, what about ’1′? Does my name have a ’1″ in it?”

The first thing that came to mind was Star Wars characters, like C-3PO and R2-D2.

It wasn’t until this morning when you and I were playing in your bedroom with trains that I discovered what might have led to your confusion about numbers in our names.

You pressed the button on top of your talking Gordon train:

“I’m Gordon… I’m the Number 4 blue engine!”

Got it. Makes sense now.

Still though, I think you’re secretly hoping that you’re going to meet somone with a number in their name. I’m not saying it’s completely impossible.

Between some of the off-the-wall names I’ve been hearing parents name their kids (I won’t use examples, as to not come across as judgmental) and Russians (who use what looks like a 3 and a 4 as letters in their alphabet), you may one day meet someone with a number in their name.

For now, we can pretend your name has a number in it, if you want to.

Your “number name” is J5CK.

 

Love,

Daddy

 

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Daddy, Is Ice Cream Healthy? And Cookies, Too?

Wednesday, January 15th, 2014

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

Last week your teacher at school introduced you and your classmates to a new concept: that not all food is healthy.

Since then, you have been asking me if every single food item you can think of is healthy or not.

“Is ice cream healthy, Daddy?” you genuinely asked me.

The same happened about cookies, too.

You later asked me about cheesy crackers, though you didn’t bother to ask about cake. However, for some reason, you’ve yet to ask me if vegetables, like broccoli and carrots, are healthy.

I snapped a few shots of your health-related project at school.

You had to decide which pictures, cut out from magazines, best resembled the kinds of foods we regularly buy each week when we get groceries, by placing the cut-outs in a paper sack.

I had to laugh at yours, compared to your friends.

Yours was so… politically correct, as the token vegetarian kid of the class:

Bell peppers, blueberries, tomatoes, and apples. That’s it and that’s all.

What I learned from this is that you are definitely paying attention when Mommy and I pick out the fruits and veggies at Whole Foods. Beyond that? Not so much.

You didn’t choose pasta, bread, beans, or rice, which are all staples in your diet. Just bell peppers, blueberries, tomatoes, and apples.

I’m pretty sure you were the only kid to not include meat in your brown grocery sack.

But with your selection, you made it look like our family is a bunch of fruitarians.

(Yes, that’s a real thing! And yes, technically, bell peppers and tomatoes are considered fruits, depending on who you ask.)

One day you’ll fully understand what meat is. All you know is that the other kids at school eat it but you don’t- you either get soy butter or veggie patties instead- which you love, by the way.

You always think I’m joking when I try to explain what the butchered meat is at Whole Foods. You ask me each week, ‘Daddy, what’s that red stuff?”

But hey… as long as we’ve got bell peppers, blueberries, tomatoes, and apples, though; that’s apparently all we need anyway.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Mommy, Is “Tight Schedule” A Nice Word?

Tuesday, January 14th, 2014

3 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack,

You are in a stage right now where you’re having a lot of fun learning which words are “nice words” to use.

“Is ‘tight schedule’ a nice word, Mommy?” you sincerely asked her this weekend.

Shortly afterwards, you asked me if “keyboard” is a nice word.

I taught you that “eyeball” is not a nice word in some cases; such as calling your friend Madison one at school.

After watching The Little Engine That Could, on Netflix, you picked up the phrase, “What the heck?”

It seems like such an innocent phrase until you hear a 3 year-old say it.

So Mommy and I have taught you to replace “heck” with “world.”

Right now it’s all about teaching you which words are “nice words.” The funniest thing, is that in the process, you’re asking Mommy and me about neutral words.

Similarly, you try to use this same concept on me.

For example, I could ask Mommy if there is any French toast left from Sunday.

You would warn me:

“Daddy, “French toast” is not a nice word! We don’t say that word.”

I see how for you right now, you honestly don’t know which words you’re allowed not to say yet; until after you’ve said them. Therefore, I guess you assume that I also use words in front of you that I shouldn’t.

I do, it’s just that I mumble them in a way that only Mommy can understand them.

Like the word “gun.” Or “dead.” To me, those are words that I purposely try to shield you from- for the time being.

In my opinion, you’re not ready to learn about guns or death. Or Guns N Roses.

So for now, I will mumble what I don’t want you to hear. Meanwhile, you will continue asking me if nearly every random noun is a nice word or not.

 

Love,

Daddy

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