Posts Tagged ‘
father and son ’
Sunday, April 22nd, 2012
17 months.
After 90 minutes of napping together in a rocking chair in an upstairs bedroom at our friends Jamie and Peter’s house yesterday, my son Jack woke up slightly sweaty, drying himself off on my luxurious Italian arm hair.
He was disorientated. I could see him trying to figure it all out:
Why was he in a little girls’ bedroom? Why did he fall asleep in his Daddy’s arms as opposed to a crib? Was he still in a dream, like in the movie Inception?
Finally he looked up at me with curious eyes and plainly announced our mutual code word…
“Bah-bah.”
Then I said it back to him.
As explained in Stuff My 15 Month Old Says: Current Top 7, “bah-bah” is Jack’s way of making a donkey sound.
It’s recognized as the donkey sound only because of the almost sad, dropping tone Jack uses to imitate a donkey; not because of the word “bah-bah” itself, which doesn’t actually sound like a donkey.
By speaking our mutual, exclusive code word, it was as if to say:
“Okay, Dad. I don’t know how we got in this weird place. But you’re here too, so I’m sure you can find a way to get us out of here. Right?”
I led him downstairs to the living room where he remembered the school bus slide he was playing on earlier, before he got hit by the tranquilizer dart… metaphorically speaking.
He was safe and back to having fun. But he wouldn’t have left that room upstairs if it weren’t for us assuring each other with our code word.
How did “bah-bah” (with a dropping inflection) become our secret word?
Jack is in his car seat in my car for at least an hour every weekday. Sometimes when I haven’t heard a peep out of him in over 10 minutes, I check on him by using our code word.
He always answers back with it.
Then after that became normal for us (go ahead, give yourself a second or two to take that in) I started saying the code word when I pick him up from daycare every day.
It’s not, “Hey Jack, I’m here! I missed you son!”
It’s “bah-bah.”
Personally, I think having a donkey sound for a secret code word is pretty original. Especially for the fact that it’s taking the tone of one animal sound and masking it with the phonetic sound of another.
That would be like mooing a monkey sound; if that’s even possible.
Now Jack and I need a secret handshake.
Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
16 months.
Today on MSN’s home page there was a strange headline proclaiming “Buzz About Father Donating Sperm For Son’s Baby.” I couldn’t resist. I had to read it.
As the article explains, a man in The Netherlands stepped up to the plate for his son who is biologically incapable of having a child with his wife.
So the baby’s biological father will actually be his legal grandfather. Accordingly, the baby’s legal father will be his biological half-brother.
This is not illegal. Though it is pretty weird. I think for most people, the word “creepy” comes to mind.
But again, it’s not against the law. Should it be? Are there any particular moral issues involved here?
I think it’s safe to say that there are some psychological time bombs regarding this family’s dynamics. But does this case break a moral code, or does it just go against what is considered normal and acceptable in our society?
It’s not like the the father and daughter-in-law became sexually involved in order to have a child in the son’s place. But by the father donating his sperm, the ultimate outcome is still produced when the baby is born.
Imagine knowing that your own child is half of your spouse and half of one of your parents.
I feel like this is the strange twist ending of some psychological thriller movie.
Actually, this situation is very similar a story line in HBO’s drama series, Big Love. Nicki Grant’s ex-husband marries her mom in an attempt to have a biological child with her; having already fathered a child with Nicki.
When that plot revealed itself I remember thinking, “Okay, that’s an interesting story, but it’s simply unbelievable.”
Well, now that I’ve read this story, I’m less disappointed by the previously unbelievable story line on Big Love.
Right now I have the song “Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh (A Letter from Camp)” stuck in my head, only the words are “Hello Grandpa, hello Father…”.
So here’s what I want to know: Is there anyone out there willing to defend this dad who donated sperm for his son?
Anybody?
Monday, January 2nd, 2012
13 months.
I don’t think it’s just in my head. My son Jack and I really are on the same wavelength.
If I’m not relaxed, neither is he. If I’m too hot or too cold, so is he. We have always enjoyed the same types of music and the same kinds of food. We are amused by the same random things in life.
Today both he and I, but not my wife, fought off a “24 hour stomach bug.” We both started out the day by vomiting, then felt kind of funky for most of the day, but by evening, were pretty much back at 100%.
Our father-son connection actually reminds me most of E.T. and Elliot’s relationship. In case I needed to point it out, Jack is E.T. and I’m Elliott. (This June will mark the 30th anniversary of the classic movie, E.T.)
While I’m the human, Jack is the waddling alien who mimics my everyday behaviors. Recently during playtime with him I was pretending to fall asleep on his blanket on the floor. I acted like I was snoring, making the classic cartoon sound as it is universally recognized: “Hah, shuuu… hah, shuuu…”.
Tonight he was showing off all his cool tricks for my parents who were briefly in town from Alabama. Sure enough, he dragged his blanket into the middle of the living room floor, laid down on top of it, and made his impression of the sound: “Eh, sssssshhh… eh, sssssshhh…”.
Jack wants to be human. It’s largely up to me to show him how. So much for him actually learning to be normal!
Sunday, September 4th, 2011
Nine months.
Due to Jack’s increasing mobility and creativity, he’s never been more fun to play with. Our newest playtime activity is for us to crawl around the coffee table, taking turns chasing each other. Ultimately, when one of us catches the other, we have a bear hug while growling in each other’s ears. Our chase game is a great way for the two of us to bond both physically and socially.
As the dad of a nine month-old son, it can be easy to feel like a third wheel sometimes; Jack obviously has a much stronger bond with my wife. But now, I am getting to a stage where I am able to feel more connected to him- as my son, not just my biological baby. I am so anxious to be able to experience more of this social bonding with him, as he continues to mature in communication.
I got a taste of this kind of heaven about a month ago while we spent several days out in Sacramento with my wife’s family. My wife is number 9 of 10 kids; that means I have a lot of nieces and nephews. Throughout the three years we have been married, I have gotten to know some of them better than others.
During this past trip, I really got to spend some quality time with her brother Jeff and his wife Joni’s kids- who gave me a glimpse of the social involvement and emotional connection that comes with a child, as opposed to an infant.
Several people took notice of the physical resemblance of their eight year-old son, Neil, and my son Jack. Coincidentally, Neil and I really hit it off this time around. Despite my lack of sports enthusiasm, I found myself tossing the football with Neil out in the backyard. Even stranger, I actually taught him to improve his football-throwing skills: “Just hold the ball a bit past your ear to where the tip of the football is like your nose, then move your hand forward like it’s being jerked by a rope.”
Now, for all I know, that could have been the worst football-throwing advice ever. Regardless, he started throwing the football straight after that.
I also spent some time with Neil’s older sister, Bella, whose artistic interests completely reflect my own when I was her age. She is such a cool girl and I really enjoyed getting to know her, through easy conversation. Bella really made me think of what it will be like if eventually I ended up having a daughter. In fact, Bella makes me want to a have a daughter.
Needless to say, I long to be able to communicate and interact with my own son the way I was able to with his older nieces and nephews.
Will Jack look like his cousin, Neil, several years from now? I guess you’ll have to stay tuned to find out.
Monday, June 27th, 2011
Seven months.
I believe everyone has multiple personalities and different versions of themselves that they reveal based on their environment. But these multiplicities of ourselves ultimately are still built on top of one default personality. My default personality is amazingly similar to the character of Peter Klaven (portrayed by Paul Rudd) in my favorite movie ever, I Love You Man.
The movie focuses on Peter’s lack of ability to make and keep strong male friendships and the difficulty that means for him in trying to find groomsmen and most importantly, a best man, for his upcoming wedding.
Most of my guy friends are scattered across the country; instantly available via text message, but not for hanging out with on a regular basis. And I’m completely okay and comfortable with that. And interestingly enough, whether it was my female-orientated major in college (English), or every work environment I’ve been in since then, I’ve constantly been surrounded by women instead of men. And again, I’m completely okay and comfortable with that fact.
Even here on Parents.com, I’m the only male parent blogger. It is simply my life’s destiny to be a guy who relates to women almost as well as I relate to men. Need I remind you, it’s mainly women reading The Dadabase.
(Granted, my wife edits out anything too masculine or overly male-driven. Recently, she had me delete several paragraphs which went on way too long about the details of a Nintendo game.)
But now I have a son. A baby boy who will eventually grow into a big boy who will eventually grow into a teenage boy and eventually a man. This means that I will ultimately have a buddy.
I will always have a reason to get to do what I want to do with my free time, as long as Jack is with me. Because I will be spending quality time with him while I do what I enjoy anyway (or at least enjoyed in my youth).
Already, I’m mentally working on a list of things I will enjoy doing that also will serve as good male-bonding, quality time with my son over the next 2 to 20 years:
1) Watch the entire series of the following movies and TV series: Rocky, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Band of Brothers, and Lost.
2) Go hiking and exploring in the woods on the weekend.
3) Build awesome Lego sets.
4) Take our bikes for a long ride in a new neighborhood.
5) Have old school Nintendo game marathons.
6) Blow stuff up with fireworks.
7) If ever can ever afford it, take him on a trip to Thailand.
Of course, this is only the beginning of my list. But I really look forward to the underlying male friendship in my father-son relationship with him.
I am adamant on being Jack’s father, not his friend. However, just like how I mentioned in the beginning that we all have different personalities, I know that a father is not simply the paternal figure of his son’s life. Being a good dad means being someone to relate to and it involves a lot of mentoring. It requires good communication and quality time.
Being a father is like being a friend, but it’s so much more than that. Yet it’s paradoxically both more casual and more demanding of respect than simply being a friend. But even though I won’t refer to my son as my friend, I will gladly call him my buddy.
Man, now I’ve got the jingle to the 80’s toy, My Buddy, stuck in my head:
“Wherever I go, he goes… My buddy, my buddy, my buddy and me!”
All pictures taken courtesy of Dave Stanley at Little River Falls in Fort Payne, Alabama.
Categories: Growing Up, Home Life, Must Read, Story Bucket, Storytelling | Tags: 1980's, Alabama, baby blog, dad, father and son, fatherhood, fireworks, Fort Payne, Fort Payne AL, friend, Harry Potter, I Love You Man, Lego, male bonding, multiple personalities, My Buddy, Nintendo, parenting, Paul Rudd, Peter Klaven, state parks, Thailand
