Starfish Gives Birth To Dog, According To 2 Year-Old Marine Biologist

Wednesday, December 12th, 2012

2 years.

Dear Jack,

You know who Santa is now; not because Mommy and I have told you about him, but basically because of all the inflatable yard decorations you see on the way home from daycare everyday.

I have a feeling you won’t ever need me to fill in all the magical details about Santa flying through the air in a gravity-defying sleigh, led by a red-nosed reindeer.

Something that really fascinates me about you is how you know the difference between reality and science fiction, at only 2 years old.

Not only do you have bizarre Santa stories surrounding you, but you also have your Thomas the Train TV shows that you watch; accompanied by the matching toys.

That leads you to further use your imagination to make up weird story lines for your playtime. Even in the car yesterday, out of nowhere, you proclaimed:

“Santa crashed into the train… and the birds.”

You’re good at making up grandiose stories involving characters you’re familiar with.

Observing your bath time is always a wonderfully absurd theatrical production. That is why I love being your bath director when Mommy isn’t able to do it.

Your favorite episode is when the purple starfish bath toy speaks to her daughter; a Collie named Charlie.

“It’s Charlie’s Mommy,” you squeak out in a falsetto voice.

Then you walk Charlie closer to listen to his mother, the starfish. From there, it’s pretty much high-pitched Gibberish involving the Starfish mother telling Charlie to get ready for school… I think.

Seriously, how do you separate science fiction from reality?

As hilarious as you are when you play, you still can quickly convert to being more serious; randomly updating me with realistic tidbits:

“Daddy wears the fluffy jacket.”

“I like chocolate for dinner.”

“I stink… I poop.”

Switching back from the world of your imagination to the world of your perception of actual reality is something you do so flawlessly.

I think it’s safe to say you’re going to be a lot like me: You keep your head in the clouds, but you stand on solid ground.

Love,

Daddy

Funny Faces and Baby Dreams

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

Week 1.

If you’re not good at winning staring contests, you should try being in one with an infant.  It’s pretty easy to win because there are no “overawareness” issues.  Baby Jack is dedicated to the game; I’ll give him that.  But typically I win because he either smiles or sneezes.  There’s nothing like staring at a baby’s face.  It’s amazing how long you can do it before you realize you’ve been doing it that long.

Of all the funny faces he currently makes, my favorite one is when raises his eyebrows like wants to be part of the 1950’s Rat Pack.  There’s also the “Elvis sneer”, the “surprised Dana Carvey”, the “Paul McCartney”, the “ancient Chinese man”, the “drowsy poet”, and the “Mac the alien” (a reference to a mostly forgotten E.T. copycat movie called Mac and Me.)

He often slips in and out of sleep when I stare at him.  I try to imagine what he is dreaming about, as his face tells the seemingly same story every time.  The dream starts out with Baby Jack petting a friendly puppy (Jack always starts his dreams smiling).  Then a mean dog comes along and scares Jack and the friendly puppy (that’s when Jack has a worried look on his face).  Lastly, the dream ends with him drinking milk or pooping (as he either starts “rooting” or grunting, accordingly).  What else would a baby dream about anyway?

“I wanna wake you from your dream.  I wanna know just who you’re talking to when you’re singing in your sleep.  I wanna find out what it means.  I’ve got marbles in my mouth.  Thousand words I wanna say but it’s impossible to spit ‘em out.”

-Guster, “Do You Love Me?”