Tuesday, May 17th, 2011
Week 26 (6 months).
Despite the cliche, “they grow up so fast,” I will admit that these past six months have been the quickest six months of my life. And yes, Jack has definitely sprouted up very quickly. Six months ago my wife and I held a baby in our arms, with zero personal experience. Now, we have no longer have a newborn, but instead an infant. An infant who can eat ground up fruits, veggies, and grains- not just formula. Who is attempting to crawl. Who is outgrowing his original car seat.
And I’ve been waiting until Jack turned six months old to officially say what has been pretty obvious for a while now: Jack has blue eyes. I know there was a possibility that his eyes could get darker up until this point. I never thought that it was even possible for my wife and I to have a blue eyed child. It’s pretty funny, actually.
Not only has Jack changed in so many big ways since November 16th, 2011. But I have as well. You can’t be a parent and not become a different person in the process. Even in just six month’s time. Especially in the first six month’s time.
Am I writing this morning about Jack or myself? Equally both, at best. At age 29, when we found out we were going to have a baby, I had reached a point in my life where I evidently stopped growing and maturing as a person. And since he was born, I’ve made up for any lost time as far as personal development.
I’ve undergone so many changes in the last six months that the best and perfect comparison would be to Desmond on Lost, who traveled in and out of time, disoriented of where and “when” he was. I do feel spaced out, in the most literal way that the phrase “spaced out” can be used. I’m trying to remember what it means to “be myself,” when becoming a father obviously changes that version of “myself” who I completely understood and had figured out.
Of course, these “who am I?” sort of thoughts aren’t red flags for some kind of personal crisis. Instead, this is just me pointing out that I (and I assume other first time parents, too) undergo so many changes in their life at once that they have to take time to deliberately and specifically figure out who this new person is that they’ve become. Not a bad version of who they are; just the different version that is required of them in becoming a parent.
By no means does a person stop growing up just because they turn 30. Instead, some of the greatest maturity is happening at that age, for me. And at six months old, I think it’s safe to say that Jack is experiencing some of the same thoughts in his own little baby brain. The question is whether or not he’s more spaced out than I am.