Posts Tagged ‘ censorship ’

My Toddler’s [Bleep] Potty Mouth

Thursday, June 21st, 2012

19 months.

My son’s pronunciation of words is much limited right now. For example, “cookie” sounds a lot different when it comes out of his mouth. In fact, it’s pretty difficult for me to keep a straight face. Why?

He hasn’t learned the “k” sound yet. And the “oo” vowel sound is more of a short “i” sound.

I’ll put it this way. “Cookie” becomes a word that rhymes with “pity” but starts with a “t” instead of a “p”.

On top of that, when Jack asks for a cookie after dinner, he generally whines for it. Hearing a toddler whine for that is pretty hilarious.

But sometimes, his “k” sound is more of an “sh” sound, making “cookie” another equally censor-worthy word in the land of toddlers.

So either it sounds like he’s upset because he wants to return to the early days of being breastfed or he’s upset because he has a dirty diaper.

Inappropriate and therefore wildly entertaining. Because I evidently I have the mind of a Junior High boy again.

It’s kind of hard not to when your son tries so honestly to ask for a cookie yet is working his way down George Carlin’s list of “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.”

I’m guessing every toddler goes through their accidental stage of cursing like a sailor.

According to my mom, back when I was 2, I had this toy 18 wheeler truck that I stored my Hot Wheels in. Evidently I carried it around with me everywhere, referring to it as my “fruck.” Pretty close call for 1983.

Alright, so let me hear it. Tell me about your kid’s unintentional profanities, if you dare.

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5 Things That Make This Dad Want to Curse

Saturday, November 5th, 2011

Eleven months.

I always thought that one of the most fun jobs in the world would be to censor R-rated movies for TV. Some of the curse word stand-ins are simply (and deliberately) hilarious. I remember in high school watching the edited-for-TV version of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. There’s a part where Judge Reinhold’s character gets fired from his fast food cashier job for “using profanity” with a customer: “I’ll kick 100% of your face!

Another horribly awesome substitution is for Bruce Willis’s signature catch-phrase in Die Hard. It becomes, “Yippee-ki-yay, kimosabi!” In the sequel, it’s “Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon!” This is especially funny because there definitely is no character in the movie who is named “Mr. Falcon.”

Curse words both fascinate and bore me at the same time. Cursing is so common now that it holds little shock value anymore; even if we pretend otherwise. And that’s sort of the whole point of cursing: dramatic effect. I believe it is safe to say that traditional profanity is simply losing its edge because of overkill.

In fact, I make a point not to curse both in my everyday language and in my writing, simply because it makes me feel deeply unoriginal.

Besides, why should I let our American society choose the profanity word bank for me? For example, in China, it’s “son of a turtle.” That’s an actual Chinese curse word!

In the likeness of R-rated movies edited for TV, I feel more confident as a human being by using my own profanity- as I soon will demonstrate. But admittedly, as the title of this post conveys, there are plenty of times as a dad where I become pretty tempted to be unoriginal. Good thing I have my creative curse word stand-ins…

1. When my son won’t go to sleep, though he knows and I know that he really wants to and needs to: I think there’s some really popular book out about this very thing… if only I could think of the name of that book. Profanity of choice: ”Ah, shazbot!”

2. When my son gets whiny because I’m not his mom: It’s so annoying that all my wife has to do is pick him up if he cries, and he’s fine. As for me, I have to constantly distract him with a new toy or take him on a walk outside for a change of scenery or injure myself in attempt to humor him. Profanity of choice: ”Smurf it!”

3. The fact that my son has a talent for easily finding and experimenting with the most physically threatening item in his proximity: In a room full of age-appropriate toys, he will dart towards an uncapped ball-point pen or an unprotected electrical outlet that I overlooked. He knows how to find adventure; or as I know it, danger. Profanity of choice: Royal Ruckus!

4. When my son puts up a fight as I change his diaper. Hey, I already have a track record for not changing his wet diapers as much as I should; well, he sure doesn’t inspire me to change my bad habits. Profanity of choice: ”Crash Bandicoot!”

5. Having to pay extra money for something he refuses to eat. Confession: I believe that “baby yogurt” is simply regular yogurt with an extra vitamin or two; just a marketing ploy for first-time parents. I learned my lesson- my son made me waste three bucks on “baby yogurt” that he wouldn’t eat. Profanity of choice: “Pac-Man fever!”


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Where Simple Faith Meets Complicated Reality

Saturday, July 23rd, 2011

Eight months.

Is The Dadabase a “Christian blog?”  That’s a good question.  The answer is yes; in the sense that I am narrating my version of fatherhood from a Christian perspective.  The answer is no; in the sense that it is not directed specifically for a Christian audience and that the majority of my posts do not contain an explicitly spiritual theme.

While I do sporadically splice in quotes from the Bible, I intentionally do not use quotation marks nor do I list the Biblical reference where they came from.  Because to me, these ancient teachings are intertwined into my thought patterns.  So I don’t see a need to separate them when I write.

love writing for Parents.com.  I am so appreciative of how much they value the realness and authenticity of all their bloggers; free of censorship.  I can truly be me without having to ask myself, “Was that too Christian of me to say that?”

Basically, if it relates to and ties in with my life as a dad and a husband, it’s fair game.  The Dadabase is simply an unfiltered reflection of what goes through my head as an unseasoned parent and an everyday guy who just happens to be of the Christian faith.

But while technically I do have complete freedom of speech here, I also believe in using my freedom to write content that is relevant to the majority of readers and not becoming consumed with promoting my own agendas to the point they become a distraction.

As a Christian, I sometimes struggle with the assumption that my viewpoint will largely be perceived by the general public as politically incorrect, representing an old-fashioned mindset that is typically unwelcome in mainstream media and entertainment.

I’m not referring to a reluctance to use the name “Jesus” instead of “God” or “Merry Christmas” over “Happy Holidays.”  Instead, it’s stuff like when I mention that my son has a soul, that I am spiritually responsible for him, that I pray for him to one day know Christ like my wife and I do, and when I matter-of-factually state that there is a heavenly kingdom awaiting us after this life.

Even more so, I am overly aware of the bumper sticker that reads, “Jesus, save me from your followers.”  I recognize that for some, the word “Christian” has a stigma connected to it, associated with words like “judgmental,” “prideful,” “arrogant,” and “bigot.”  I realize how easy it can be to determine the integrity of an entire group based on their loudest, most hypocritical examples.

I know I am not expected to be perfect, but I am expected to be different. Yet in the most basic ways, as a parent, I still represent the way many moms and dads feel; Christian or not.

A slightly reoccurring phrase I  have seen in comments that readers leave on this blog is “It’s like you’re reading my mind…”.  Despite having different preferences in our parenting techniques and styles, most of us share the same basic desires for our children.  It doesn’t take being a Christian to want to positively re-brand fatherhood or to be vulnerable enough to admit that I fell in love with my son gradually, not instantly.

Last month my wife helped teach 3rd grade at Vacation Bible School.  The theme was “Where Faith and Life Connect.”  That’s one of my themes too; as a human, as a writer, as a guy who has to go to a real job during the day just like most other people, and as a parent.

Yes, my faith is the most important thing to me.  But it’s not all I talk about. In fact, whatever the next Dadabase post is about, I’m sure it won’t mention anything about God or Christianity or any overt spiritual themes.

Just as the familiar blue skies eventually intersect with the mysterious outer space, so do my everyday life events overlap my intangible Christian faith.

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