Daddy, We Should Pour Soda Over The Heads Of The Bad Guys

3 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

Friday morning as we were on our way to school, sitting at the red light, you looked over and saw what you assumed was a tanker truck delivering gas to the gas station.

“Actually, that’s a soda truck. Soda makes people sick. It’s not healthy for people to drink it,” your health nut dad explained.

Your immediate response:

“Daddy, we should pour soda over the heads of the bad guys.”

Now, maybe if an outsider somehow heard that conversation, they might suggest it’s a prime example of a parent brainwashing their child.

I don’t know, though. I don’t know if it’s common knowledge that drinking soda leads to diabetes (type 2), like it is common knowledge in our family. Fortunately, Diabetes.org recognizes this on their website:

“The American Diabetes Association recommends that people should limit their intake of sugar-sweetened beverages to help prevent diabetes. Sugar-sweetened beverages include beverages like: regular soda, fruit punch, fruit drinks, energy drinks, sports drinks, sweet tea, and other sugary drinks.”

Plus, I don’t know if this is common knowledge either, like it is for our family, that diet sodas are no better for a person who is trying to avoid cancer or disease. Even WebMD doesn’t outright deny or dismiss these claims:

“The most recent headlines have raised concerns that diet sodas boost stroke risk. Diet and regular sodas have both been linked to obesitykidney damage, and certain cancers. Regular soft drinks have been linked to elevated blood pressure… Observational studies like these can point to possible concerns, but they can’t prove that sodas do, or don’t, pose a health risk.”

But over time, like smoking cigarettes, regularly drinking soda is the sort of like playing Russian roulette.

The way I see it, it would be an act of mercy to pour soda over the heads of the bad guys. Better on them, than in them.

Honestly, I would be very upset if I found out that someone let you drink soda when I wasn’t around. That would be extremely offensive to me; even if you only had a few sips.

Aside from the overdose of sugar, and the mysterious chemicals, there’s also the caffeine to take into consideration.

Caffeine is the most unregulated, psychoactive drug in the world; not to mention it’s addictive. An article from The Journal Of Young Investigors: The Premier Ungraduate Science Journal puts it this way:

“According to a study conducted by New Scientist magazine, 90% of North American adults consume some form of caffeine on a daily basis, making this legal, psychoactive substance the world’s most widely used drug.”

As for you, you just drink water all day, then almond milk with dinner.

Soda is not for drinking. It’s for pouring over the heads of bad guys; at least, according to you it is.

You’re nicer than I am, though. Again, I think making the bad guys drink that stuff would be a lot worse.

 

Love,

(Your health nut) Daddy

 

Note: This is an opinion piece of the author and does not reflect Parents magazine or the medical establishment.

Top image: Shutterstock, Evil Soda.

Bottom image: Shutterstock, Soda Cans- Sugar and Caffeine.

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