My 3 Year-Old Son’s R-Rated Version Of A Lego Set

3 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

This weekend Mommy and I let you spend some of your Christmas money, given that it was during “the best time of the month to buy stuff cheap.”

You bought an orange Corvette for 50% off, as well as a new Lego set called Police Pursuit; featuring a classic thief driving a circa 1975 Ford Bronco and a mustachioed policeman chasing him in… of all things… an ATV.

As I read the instructions to build the set, you were eager for me to make the Bronco.

So even though I was supposed to build the policeman and his ATV first, you easily talked me into building the robber and his Bronco instead.

The first thing you noticed once I built it was that the Bronco featured a trunk that lifts up.

Therefore, you immediately began deciding which items the bad guy should keep locked in his trunk; along with the $100 bill and gold bar that came with the set.

You found a big Lego wrench from the farm set Mommy and I got you for Christmas.

Perfect. As well as appropriate.

But there was still more room in the trunk… So as I opened the small plastic baggie containing the parts for the ATV and the cop, you nonchalantly snatched the cop’s head and placed it in the truck of the Bronco.

[Insert sound of a record scratching here to imply ironic, comedic confusion like they do in movie trailers.]

The thing I love most about this story is that by no means were you trying to be funny or weird.

Somehow, you thought it was completely normal to place a human head in the trunk of an SUV.

(I’ve been catching up on Dexter now that it’s back on Netflix, so this seemed a little too familiar to me.)

After you drove the Bronco around for a little while, you decided to throw the human Lego head out onto the ground.

I don’t know if that made the situation better or worse…

Fortunately, within just a few minutes, I had the policeman’s ATV ready.

I made a father and son moment out of letting you place the policeman’s head on his body, like how just a few minutes before, I let you fasten the tires onto the wheels, and the wheels onto the axles.

The more I watched you play with your new Lego set, the more civilized the storyline got: The policeman helped the man in the Bronco and this time around he wasn’t a bad guy at all; just a man who was stuck in the mud.

By the way, you don’t yet fully understand the concept of policemen doing anything other than helping people.

They don’t pull people over for speeding or even chase down criminals…

Instead, they mainly just help people whose cars have a flat tire or are stuck in the mud.

What a sweet, innocent little boy you are, after all!




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